Nobody likes a snob, but we Reverse-snobs can be even more obnoxious. I’ve come to take pride in the fact that I haven’t seen any Star Wars movies. Or Jaws, or the Godfather. I never saw The Brady Bunch or Starsky and Hutch or Full House or countless other staples of American pop culture. I didn’t avoid these things to prove a point or anything; they just didn’t interest me. But now, it’s like a talking point when the discussion turns to contemporary mass entertainment. Lots of people I know can boast, with all honesty, of never having seen a single episode of Survivor, That 70s Show or even Friends. It’s a feather in their caps! Our ignorance of these stupid totems makes us feel superior. Untainted. Just better than the rest of you!The other day, at a casual get-together, the conversation turned to Angelina. My son’s girlfriend didn’t know what “Angelina” meant. God, were the rest of us envious! What a cool accomplishment! My son, being a strong competitor in the Reverse-Snob arena, came back with, “I’ve never seen a single episode of Sex in the City or Friends.” My husband raised the ante with “I’ve never seen a single episode of Seinfeld!” I shot back with “I’ve only seen 3 Seinfelds!” Due to my son’s fierce interrogation, I had to admit to seeing 4 Seinfelds. His girlfriend announced that she hasn’t seen The Sopranos. We weren’t impressed: Big deal, she doesn’t have HBO.
We all saluted ourselves for missing out on every “reality” show we could name. The Girlfriend then confessed to being addicted to American Idol. She felt so disgraced that I announced, “That’s okay, I once saw one of the winners sing. Her name was Fabulosity!” My husband corrected me — apparently, it was actually “Fantasia.”
Soon the competition for Most Ignorance became fierce. No one had ever seen ER, Law and Order, Lost, Desperate Housewives, it went on and on. We felt like fucking Kings! We were miles and miles above the Common Man. We knew Nothing of Anything popular and mainstream! Finally, my husband called out to my son, “Well, I don’t even know YOU!” to which my son replied “I don’t even hear you talking!” I think someone closed the conversation with “I’m not even in this room!”
It was a great evening. I haven’t seen the O.C, no CSI crap, no Marry a Millionaire or Apprentice or The Batchelor or Everybody Loves Raymond or that one with the woman who has big red hair and her gay best friend, and I don’t give a shit how good The Godfather is, I’m not gonna see it. I’ve never seen anyone eat maggots or sing show tunes for Paula Abdul. I don’t wanna see cops or lawyers or psychics or doctors or real-or-fake families. Oprah, though, I fucking LOVE. I mean it. Oprah should run for president, and that will be a whole new manifesto.