Why Did God Make Ann Coulter?

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Even though I’m a devout atheist, I sometimes wonder what the hell He is thinking. Ann Coulter! That is some fucked up shit. Up to now, I have just thought of her as a horse-faced anorexic with a strange turn of mind. But considering her recent statements, I see she is a real problem. I don’t think there are enough pies in the world to throw at this woman. Although, perhaps she is just hungry, and not really unhinged! If she could just sit down and eat one of those pies, perhaps she would stop hallucinating.

Now, to promote her new book, she is going around badmouthing the “9/11 Widows”, a group of women who lost their husbands in the attacks and have been vocal about various political issues. Ann wants them to shut up, and accuses them of taking undue pleasure in their widowhood. I don’t know what else to say besides, What a fucking cunt! Is there some other position a sane person can take here? Even Bill O’Reilly isn’t thrilled.

I am no authority on Ann Coulter. I don’t know how she has achieved credibility as a pundit, but I assume she has some level of scholarship in her background. The more I hear about her, the more I am reminded of Camille Paglia, who used a similar method of shock and awe to achieve notoriety. Camille Paglia would, and did, say anything that would get her on a TV talk show. But there was something endearing about her; maybe it was her sheer neediness, which always seemed to temper her arrogance and ridiculous pronouncements. Ann Coulter, though, is really a bitter pill. She’s like an old- fashioned Disney villainess! Too malevolent to be real, but still scary.

I guess we live in an age where if you look like a Barbie gone bad and have a preposterous point of view, the whole world will look up and pay at attention to you. It would be too hypocritical for me, of all people, to denounce someone just for being a provocateur. Getting a reaction is sometimes even more fun than eating, and I think I can speak for Ann in that regard. But this woman is so egregious, in every way, that it reflects poorly on all of us if she is given one more second of serious thought by “the media”or anyone else. One of my kids used to love to be shocking, and he is still good at it. His favorite statement was: “I eat my own shit!” He devised a perfect piece of theater: it’s stupid, disgusting, pathetic, but always gets a pissed off response. Just like Ann Coulter. Next time she announces that she eats her own shit, let’s all just ignore her.

4 Responses to “Why Did God Make Ann Coulter?”

  1. Suebob Says:

    Yah. I am convinced she would wallow in poo if it would get her 3 minutes on the Today Show. For her it is anything for money, and for much of the media, speaking rationally and making sense just isn’t enough anymore. But it is the fault of the marketplace. If people didn’t watch Jerry Springer, there wouldn’t BE a Jerry Springer.

    I love Tim Rutten of the LA Times. He wrote about her the other day and commented on her little black cocktail dresses: “The ingenue with fangs look is getting a bit worn.” or something to that effect.

  2. Thomas Malone Says:

    It is totally obvious that God made Ann Coulter just to piss off santimonious leftists. She is “over the top” to be sure but after 40 years of mealy mouthed conservative writers and pundits she is a a breath of totally fresh air!

  3. Skipio Says:

    A more plausible theodicy: any higher power to create Ann Coulter would need a very strong reason to do so. After all, the wretchedness and malice of Ann Coulter would need SOME sort of justification in order for the universe to maintain a cosmic moral balance.

    And no, Thomas Malone. not just to piss odd “sanctimonious leftists.” Who exactly are these “leftists” you speak of? Feminists? Environmentalists? Marxist-Leninists? Anarcho-primitivists? Hippies? Neo-Keynesians? It seems “leftist” and “liberal” is wingnut code for Jew. (However wingnuts lack the intelligence to figure out their own subconscious thought processes.)

    The only conceivable reason for Ann Coulter to exist is to (temporarily) satiate the subconscious homosexual desires of right-wingers. Look at Ann Coulter: an ugly, bony “woman” with a very large Adams apple. So many men of the far right seem to see that purported woman as an example of an attractive women. What does that say about the closet-case Republicans?

    I strongly suspect that Thomas Malone falls into this category. Never mind that “she is a breath of totally fresh air” after decades of “mealy mouthed conservative writers and pundits.” (I would think that the more intelligent conservatives would WANT a humble spokesperson who grounds arguments in rationality whether right or wrong, and engages in polite discourse.) The real reason why men like Thomas Malone and other closet queers of the modern-day GOP love Ann Coulter is that they have a man in drag to distract them from pulling a Larry Craig.

  4. Sister Wolf Says:

    Skipio – Genius! Thank you for explaining! xo

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