The Horror of Kimora Lee Simmons

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Those of us with a perverse interest in awful women are inclined to agree that Kimora Lee Simmons is worth her weight in diamonds as an object of appalled fascination. Pound for pound, KLS is more trashy and bizarre than Donatella Versace — a huge achievement! – and greedier than Imelda Marcos. Now that her husband has finally had enough of her, we can look forward to her swift fall from the social ladder, such as it was. In the meantime, let’s just enjoy her for being the definitive Piece of Work for the Bling Zeitgeist (or, PWBZ for short.)

Kimora Lee was a “model” when Russell Simmons first set his eyes on her. Presumably, he had one of his posse go out and procure her for him, like an Adidas jacket. Soon they were married, and he gave her a line of fashion to “run”, called Baby Phat. Baby Phat is designed for the young African American woman, and features a stupid Siamese cat type thing as its logo. The jeans run very small and look like they’d fall apart after one washing. There are shoes and outerwear too, all reeking of third world sweatshops and inferior materials. Her first really noteworthy product was a pink rhinestone covered cell-phone that sold for $600.

Somehow, KLS became a member of fashion royalty, not only in the hip-hop world but even in the pages of Vogue magazine. Remember when Vogue did a long piece on Puff Daddy’s trip to France, where he said of the Versailles: “That’s some awe inspiring shit.” Well, these are nearly the exact words I said to myself upon seeing a photo spread about the Simmons manse, where Kimora requires her stable of housemaids to wear demeaning old-fashioned maid outfits with aprons and little hats. There, KLS prances around in tight mini-skirts and dresses her tiny children in British school uniforms, for a badly needed touch of “class.” She also collects Hermes handbags, and a peek at her closet suggests that she has acquired around 400 of them.

The best thing about Kimora Lee Simmons is that although she travels constantly, and has several nannies, she maintains that her children are her Entire Life. It is good to hear, but somehow the handbags and fur coats beg to differ. To gaze upon the smooth, strangely undefined features of Kimora’s face, to admire her toned and perfect legs, to see her piles of ridiculous couture gowns and her jewels worthy of an Egyptian queen, is to behold the power of rap music, the outer limits of ego, and the overwhelming luck of a bird-brained hottie who was at the right place at the right time. As she ages like a worn-out Manolo, I hope she remains in the public eye, to entertain and instruct much like the ruins of the Colosseum, which might leave even Puff Daddy speechless with humility.

8 Responses to “The Horror of Kimora Lee Simmons”

  1. Elena Says:

    Description: Fabulosity (n): 1: a state of everything that is fabulous 2: a quality ascribed to that which expresses glamour, style, charisma, power, and heart Kimora Lee Simmons knows what it means to have fabulosity — and she wants to tell you how to get it. In this empowering new book, Kimora — a top model, wife of hip-hop legend Russell Simmons, mother to two daughters, a national media presence, and president and creative director of the multimillion-dollar Baby Phat company — shares her personal secrets of success and fabulosity. Kimora knows that in today’s ultra competitive world, it’s not enough for women just to be smart or dress well.

    U.S. $29.95… should i buy it? or just marry rich?

  2. Suebob Says:

    I’m always learning something from your blog. First that weird artist dude about a month ago and now this woman. I had never heard of either of them and now I am enlightened.

    I must lack fabulosity.

  3. Mark Poirier Says:

    KLS is horrible. Her most heinous crime: the utter crappiness of Baby Phat clothing. You said it well.

    And speaking of third-world child sweatshops: I wish JLo’s clothing line caught on. I’m still sickened that I never got one of those JLo jumpsuits.

  4. youre sad! Says:

    wow such hatefull things. sad how you dedicated a whole rant to some one you dislike so much. whenever your worth millions say something until then shut up

  5. M payton Says:

    Kimora’s clothing is Great. i have not the slightest idea y u r hating so hard. u must utterly Lack FABULOSITY!!

  6. constance Says:

    i love babyphat, and let me be the first to say that her clothes are not cheap, they do not fall apart after one washing i have jeans since 2004 and they still look good. all i buy is babyphat jeans if it dosen’t say babyphat then im not buying it. all the people who say that she is rude and mean get over it because weather you know it or not she still making clothes and people are still buying them and i know she is not going to stop making clothes because you are being a hater

  7. constance Says:

    i love babyphat, and let me be the first to say that her clothes are not cheap, they do not fall apart after one washing i have jeans since 2004 and they still look good. all i buy is babyphat jeans if it dosen’t say babyphat then im not buying it. all the people who say that she is rude and mean get over it because weather you know it or not she still making clothes and people are still buying them and i know she is not going to stop making clothes because you are being a hater, so just chill.

  8. Daisii Says:

    have you lost your damn mind!!!! she is the best thing ever made from God….she show how black women can still make it to the famous life and still have a nomal life..she made it out of st.louis and became some one….unlike you have to write about people that live a better life then you…and dont every save her clothes fall apart you just dont know how to wash them because i have over 12 pair of them and they all came out perfect…thing about who you talking about and ask your self are you jealous of what they have…and they have what you want…think about????

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