Godammit, I’m Mad!

Ladies, the wait is over. We can finally dye the hair “down there” to match the hair on our heads. And by down there, I am sad to say I don’t mean Australia. Let me quote the woman who devised this new product, as she describes her epiphany:

“Sophisticated women, who spent time and lots of money getting their hair color just right, had no solution for coloring the hair down there. They were totally overlooking this crucial beauty area.”

Holy mother of god, she’s right! I know I myself have overlooked this crucial beauty area. Here I’ve been spending a fortune on skin treatments and lipstick, specific moisturizers for my neck and eyes. But I have never even bought one product for my Crucial Beauty Area. I feel like a complete dunce. Let me just apologize to the whole world, especially to my husband. Sorry honey!

Anyway, you can now use “Betty“,the exclusive new hair color product, to dye your Betty. That’s right, your Betty. I don’t know exactly how the name Betty came about, but I think I’d prefer to call mine Sylvia. Or even Flossie.

Betty comes in Brown-betty, Black-betty, Blonde-betty, Auburn-betty and FUN-betty (a fluorescent hot-pink.)   I’m scared of all of them to tell you the truth. My head, which I’ll call Marylou just for the hell of it, has long black hair, but I worry about the effect of Black-betty on my Sylvia. It might be too…Goth. Know what I mean, ladies?

In any case, I think we should all consult our lovers, husbands, and other interested parties, about using Betty on our Crucial Beauty Area. That way, if they want you to, you can kick their ass to the curb.

This entry was posted on Monday, November 6th, 2006 at 6:03 pm and is filed under Fashion, Horrible Stuff. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.