Grammys 2007 Exegesis

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The Grammys show just gets worse, along with the state of popular music. But let’s review it anyway.

Most Sickening on Every Level: Sting. God, just the sight of him was stomach-turning. Ugh! You’re old now, Sting! Cover your arms, get a hair transplant, and don’t aim for those high notes!

Most sickening on only a couple of levels: John Mayer. What’s with that guy’s face? Is he doing it on purpose? And what about that fake bluesman vocal??   Even if he went blind, I wouldn’t buy him as a bluesman. Although it would spare him the pain of looking at his girlfriend, Jessica Simpson.

Diva Overload: Mary J. Blige, Beonce, Carrie Underwood….can we stop the screaming already? Big voices and histrionics aren’t all there is to singing. Subtlety, feeling, individuality, those qualities seem to have been extinguished entirely by the American Idol school of performing. However, I’m excusing Christina Aguilera, just because she wears such great lipstick and is willing to get down on the floor to make her point.

The Dixie Chicks: Fine, now the industry has made amends to them after being so mean about their George Bush statement. But they didn’t have the guts to use their new power to condemn Bush more forcefully, when they had the perfect opportunity. Pathetic. Let’s ban them again and burn their records.

James Blunt: Now that was funny! It was a perfect parody of a YouTube parody of a James Blunt parody.

Gnarls Barkley: Thank god for a guy who knows how to sing. What a great, powerful presence.

Justin Timberlake has piqued my interest, now that he’s a Mac Daddy. Just looking at him and wondering what makes him so attractive when he really isn’t, is a real turn on.

Finally, that girl who won the chance to sing with Justin turned out to be the one I voted for. By “voted,” I mean I screamed at the television: “I vote for number three!” Obviously, my vote is the one that counts, and I’m proud to have picked a winner.
  

2 Responses to “Grammys 2007 Exegesis”

  1. kayayarai Says:

    I was websurfing in my office, and wondered what crappy American Idol rip-off my hubby was watching in the other room, the one where people who’d obviously never listened to recordings of themselves singing were doing terrible covers of passable-at-best songs.

    Later, I realized it was the Grammys and was so glad I had only been googling the names of ex-boyfriends rather than actually wasting my time watching.

  2. Mark Poirier Says:

    Thanks. I thought you might do an exegesis, so I didn’t bother watching it. John Mayer, I read, is trying stand-up comedy now. Between that and Britney’s baldness, I, too, have nearly forgetten what’s important: that asteroid that has a 1 in 45,000 chance of destroying earth in 60 years.

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