To Buy Or Not To Buy (Shoes)

Sometimes in life, one is called upon to make a decision that tests one’s character. And sometimes, you can’t really say how you’d act in a given situation until you’re there. This happened recently to my best friend, who I’ll call “Maxine”, because that’s her name.

Maxine was shopping for shoes when she saw a pair that seemed perfect. Knowing her, I’d say they had very high heels. She picked them up to admire them. The price was right, too! And then she realized they were Jessica Simpson shoes. Jessica Simpson has a line of shoes that she probably had nothing to do with personally, but they are trendy, cheap, and they bear her name on the insole.

Poor Maxine! She froze in horror, holding the shoe. Yes, it was cute, but how willing was Maxine to compromise her dignity for a cute shoe? Even if no one ever found out, she would know she was wearing a Jessica Simpson shoe. She said it was hard, but she put the shoe down and walked away. Her honor intact.

When Maxine told me this story today in the shoe department at Nordstrom, my heart swelled. She had faced the devil himself, and stood up to him. She had demonstrated good character. She was a Profile in Courage. Sometimes, it takes a Jessica Simpson shoe to show the world what you’re made of. I only hope I could act as nobly in the same circumstance.

I love you, Maxine! If you’ll remind me what size you wear, I’ll buy you those baby-blue Miu Miu’s, even though Lindsay Lohan wears them in that ad with the red wig.

6 Responses to “To Buy Or Not To Buy (Shoes)”

  1. Mark Poirier Says:

    What’s worse:
    a) anything by Juicy
    b) anything by Jessica Simpson

    The answer is: a) anything by Juicy.

  2. Sister Wolf Says:

    Correct. But Juicy is so awful, you are never tricked into even considering any of their shit.

    Which of these is worse:

    1. Cole Haan
    2. Coach

  3. Mark Poirier Says:

    That’s a tough one, but I’d have to say Coach because of their bucket hats, which seem to be popular with the type-2 diabetics in my neighborhood.

  4. stacia Says:

    It’s wonderful to know Max has family that truly understands taste. If anything ever happens to me, will you see to Maxines’s wardrobe? She has been seen in J Lo attire purchased over the internet. We need to be vilgilant with the young and impressionable.

  5. Godammit, I’m Mad! » Blog Archive » Brand Whore Says:

    [...] If I saw the cutest shoes in the entire world but they were by Jessica Simpson, there’s no fucking way I’d buy them. Same for shoes by Coach. Coach shoes just kill me. Their logo just seems tragic [...]

  6. Rare Jordan Shoes Says:

    It was a pleasure finally finding this, after our numerous searches, regarding this. I truly enjoyed your clear and to the point answers in general.

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