Archive for October, 2007

Amy Winehouse: A German Review

Tuesday, October 30th, 2007

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I guess Amy Winehouse had some difficulties during her recent concert in Germany. It breaks my heart to think she may not be able to pull herself together. Still, it’s fun to read this wacky Google translation of a German review.

“And then they arrived, the little person with a big hairdo…”

Yes, yes, such a little person, such a big hairdo. Even the Germans understand the essence of Amy.

Achtung! You can read the original review here.

More Awful Word Usage

Sunday, October 28th, 2007

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I’ve been trying to explain to my husband why I can’t stand the expression “Good stuff!” How do you explain the irritating nature of this stupid rejoinder? “Great stuff” is the same. It’s like nails on a chalkboard. Why do people say this? What did they use to say instead? It is fucking meaningless, and yet I hear it constantly. My husband asked me pointedly if I’d prefer “True ‘dat!” and I have to say, yes, it’s at least more specific and less inane.

Ya think?” is also killing me. Who started this? Is it from some TV show or something? Did Fonzie say it, or some contemporary version of Fonzie? I presume it means the same as “Duh,” but when I hear it, I want to puncture my eardrums.

In the world of business and politics, I think that both “transparency” and “robust” have reached the tipping point or jumped the shark. Or whatever term is gaining traction. (Get it?!)

Slightly less grating but still an awful trend is the use of “insanely” as a synonym for “very.” I have read about coats that are insanely chic, and dresses that are insanely versatile. I understand “insanely jealous,” because it connotes a deranged quality. Maybe the coats and dresses are nuts. If not, I wish we could have some editorial standards. As if.

“What Not To Wear”: No Thanks.

Saturday, October 27th, 2007

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Last night I watched a TV make-over show for the first time. “What Not To Wear” features a pair of obnoxious “fashion authorities” who convert a normal looking person who has developed their own style, into a bland non-entity you’d never look twice at.

The show I watched involved a sweet 33 year old woman who just got a promotion at work and dressed like a classic rockabilly chick. Most of her clothes were black, with lots of skulls, cherries, and crosses. She loved leopard print handbags and coats. She would have a blast at Hot Topic, in other words. It wasn’t very original, but it was a Look.

The “experts,” Stacy and Clinton, who look like a Persian housewife and an aging preppy hairdresser, respectively, tore into the poor woman like hungry jackals, and I guess that’s supposed to be the fun part of the show. Maybe it’s fun to watch average people being ridiculed?   They witlessly mocked her taste in clothes, and dumped all her stuff into a big box. She looked genuinely freaked out.

In the end, Stacy and Clinton had persuaded the woman to cut her long natural hair into a frizzy mass of  dyed layers, and she modeled some new outfits that made her look generically frumpy and at least ten years older. Now she can fit in anywhere, especially at Target.

The funny thing is, I actually imagined that a show called “What Not To Wear” would transform ugly ducklings into swans. Silly me! The goal is to divest everyone of their individual quirks, and send them home looking like a bank teller.

I would love to see Stacy in a burka, and Clinton in a prison outfit or maybe a coffin.

Are You Worried About Angry Monkeys?

Friday, October 26th, 2007

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I’ve been worried ever since that birthday cake chimp attack, so it’s good to have some advice on this subject. Slate tells us how to behave around an angry monkey, but I think the first step is to avoid New Delhi.

And of course, if an angry monkey approaches you, don’t make eye contact and don’t smile. Kind of like when you’re in an elevator or  at Neiman Marcus.

Condi Rice: One Badass War Criminal!

Thursday, October 25th, 2007

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When a protester appeared at a Congressional hearing and stuck her blood-painted hands in Condi’s face, the Secretary of State gave her a look like, “Get up out my grill, bitch!”

Whoa! Condi didn’t flinch. What does it take to unsettle that war criminal?! Even Ann Coulter ducks when you throw a cake at her. Watch the encounter here.

Meet Waris Ahluwalia

Wednesday, October 24th, 2007

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Waris Ahluwalia is a socialite, actor, and an untrained jewelry designer whose whimsical pieces are carried at only a few prestigious stores and boutiques. His designs are really cool, as you might expect from a guy who wears a big turban with jeans and a blazer, and goes to parties with Wes Anderson in the Meat-Packing District  

What I like most about him is this quote from an interview in the Los Angeles Times:

“It’s surreal,” he says. “I was at the Venice Film Festival and this woman came up to me and was wearing a pair of my earrings and I was, like, ‘How in the world could you afford those?’ “

The poor woman! Was he implying that she didn’t look rich enough? Or is he amazed that anyone anywhere can actually pay for his wildly overpriced jewelry?

God bless him, anyway. He really has what it takes to make it in Hollywood.

Mr. & Mrs. Depp vs Brad & Angie

Tuesday, October 23rd, 2007

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Since I can’t have Johnny Depp, it’s good to know that the woman he married is worthy of him. So worthy, in fact, that I would settle for her if I couldn’t have Johnny. Which I can’t. I knew that Mrs. Depp was exquisite in her own right, but having seen the video of her new single, I am totally infatuated with her. She has an otherworldly toy like quality, much like her husband. And the gap between her teeth! Madonna would kill herself if she knew about it.

Driving to the grocery store today, I contemplated the prospect of a romance with Mr. and Mrs. Depp. I can’t stand the idea of threesomes,   but in the case of Johnny and Vanessa, it’s a whole different thing. It’s kind of lyrical, and baroque. It would be innocent, rather than creepy.

This led me to consider Brad and Angie for the purpose of a romantic fling. Despite their physical beauty and star quality, I don’t think they even come close to a Mr. and Mrs. Depp triangle. Angie would probably be too bossy, for one thing. Her sharp knees and elbows would probably be bothersome. Even her shoulders could put your eye out!

Brad would probably be nice, but maybe a little too passive. He’d probably keep asking you if everything was alright. He might want too many compliments, too. Yes, Brad, your abs are ripped. Yes, the hair looks great. We already know from ‘Thelma and Louise’ that Brad is a Giver, but Angie might interrupt things, just to establish her power. Then, you might lose your train of thought, so to speak, by trying to read her tattoos.

Johnny and Vanessa would probably put on matching vintage kimonos afterward. Johnny would make some tea, and Vanessa would read aloud in French, maybe some ‘Babar The Elephant’ book. We would all exchange some small keepsakes, perhaps rings or lockets.

It’s good to know that there’s something out there that’s better than Brad and Angie. I only hope Jennifer Aniston is reading this. I mean it, Jen; I’m not just trying to make you feel better!

Surgery And Ethics And More

Monday, October 22nd, 2007

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I’ve complained here and elsewhere about the surgical mutilation of disabled minors. I’ve also shared my preoccupation with conjoined twins. Now, I urge you to take a look at a thought-provoking blog where these subjects are addressed with remarkable compassion and intelligence.

Click on the video to meet an adorable 8 year old girl with ‘Mermaid Syndrome’ who has no desire for surgery to separate her fused legs.

This blog is the work of a gifted young woman who also has an amazing website, phreeque.com, where I spent hours and plan to spend more.

Thank you, Elizabeth. xxoo

  

“Bling: Blood, Diamonds And Hip-Hop”

Sunday, October 21st, 2007

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I came upon this documentary by chance, and I recommend it to anyone interested in politics, history, social justice or pop culture.

It follows three rap artists on a visit to West Africa to see for themselves how diamonds are mined, and how  the diamond industry  has affected events in the region. They are accompanied by Ishmael Beah, a former child soldier in Sierra Leone who, against all odds, escaped to the US and has written a book about his experiences.

The two things that struck me most profoundly were the terrible conditions in Sierra Leone, years after the end of its civil war….and the irredeemable stupidity of the American rappers. They can barely speak their own language, while the Africans they encounter are so eloquent in English.

Nome saine, nome saine, nome saine, nome saine?

See this film for a deeper understanding of war, greed, courage, and stupidity.

Joey Bishop: Thank You For Ending It

Saturday, October 20th, 2007

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I’ve been waiting for Joey Bishop to die, not that I dislike him personally, but to mark the official end of the Rat Pack. Maybe now I can live, as Isabella Linton said to Heathcliff. Hy hatred of the Rat Pack has been well-documented, but I don’t get much sympathy for the torment it has caused me. Be gone, Rat Pack! The hep party is finally over.

When a young friend looked over my shoulder at this picture of the Rat Pack,  he asked what Peter Lawford did. All I could think of was that he bothered Marilyn Monroe. Did he do anything else?

In other memory lapses, I was trying to recall the name of Benazir Bhutto’s father and came up empty. My mother-in-law suggested Nehru, which made sense, because I remember him wearing a Nehru Jacket! Later, I asked my ex-husband, who answered Zia-ul-Haq. I was really impressed by this and gave him a high five. Now I know that the real answer is of course Zulfikar Ali Bhutto.