Godammit, I’m Mad!

Larry Clark is a ‘polarizing’ figure, as they say about Hillary Clinton. You either deplore him for exploiting screwed up young people or admire him as a fearless artist with a unique vision.

After reading a piece in the LA Times this morning about Brad Renfro, I find myself feeling very angry at Larry Clark. In fact, I’m thinking, What a heartless motherfucker.

Clark recalls visiting Brad at his grandmother’s house just before the film “Bully” was set to go into production. Clark describes 18 year old Brad as looking “Horrible, bloated, he looked around 35.” Seeing the bloody tracks running down Brad’s arms, Clark remembers, “I just saw the whole movie going down the drain.”

Well, Larry, what can I say that you would understand?  Larry Clark went on to ‘kidnap’ Brad Renfro, forcing him to ‘kick’ his cocaine addiction in the car, on their way to the film set in Florida. For this, I imagine Larry wants a medal.

I’m pretty sure that if you have an injured horse, it would be not only immoral but illegal to put him in a race. Yet, a poor young drug addict can be propped up with a babysitter in order to perform his role in a movie, where money can be made. Brad Renfro was still a commodity to be squeezed for every last drop, even when everybody he worked with says he was clearly on the downward spiral of a  serious drug addict.

It’s not all Larry Clark’s fault. But since he’s made his career from the excesses of lost teenagers, I’m starting with him.

Check out this beautiful dress. I loved it when I saw it online for $750 but I’m not crazy enough yet to spend that much on something I’ll probably never wear.

Recently, I saw it online at a store in the UK, marked down to $230. I had to order it! It’s like putting five hundred dollars in the bank, right?!

Soon afterward, I got a phonecall from DHL asking me for my social security number. I didn’t want to give it, even though the guy told me that this would cause my package to be delayed by customs.

I’ve been tracking the package, which has been in Los Angeles, just doing nothing for a week. Today I had a nice chat on the DHL website, with a “Live Customer Service Operator.” Here it is, cut and pasted. Please enjoy.

Please wait for a DHL Tracking Specialist to respond.
You are now chatting with ‘Stacie’
Stacie: Hi. Thank you for contacting DHL Live Chat. How may I help you?
Sister Wolf: My package from the UK has been at Gateway CA for 7 days!
Sister Wolf: when I call to see what’s going on,
Sister Wolf: I can’t get a live human to speak to me.
Stacie: I’ll be glad to help you with that. Please give me a moment while I check the records for you.
Stacie: As per our records, the shipment was delayed due to clearance issues.
Sister Wolf: thanks! when can you resolve the issues? It’s just a dress!!!!!
Stacie: I request you to contact our customs department at 866-600-0014 for any further assistance in this case. 
Sister Wolf: you aren’t a human, are you?
Stacie: Yes, I am a Live person.
Sister Wolf: haha
Sister Wolf: when I call the number, I wont get any help
Stacie: I request you to contact the above number provided, one of our representatives will be glad to assist you in this case.
Sister Wolf: okay, but I’ve already been through this and no one helps
Stacie: I apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused you.
Stacie: Please contact our customs department number at 866-600-0014, one of our representatives will be glad to assist you in this case.
Stacie: Do you have anything else for me to help?

(here I called the number and there was a pause)
Stacie: Are we online?
Sister Wolf: yes, I did get some help
Sister Wolf: are you sure your are a live person?
Stacie: Yes, I am a Live person representative.
Sister Wolf: do you know who killed Kennedy?

(here there was a long pause)
Sister Wolf: Some AI can answer that question!
Sister Wolf: (artificial intelligence programs)

(more pause….time passed)
Sister Wolf: Never mind, I see you are stumped. thanks for you help.
Stacie: You’re welcome. Is there anything else I can help you with?
Sister Wolf: no, bye.
Stacie: Thank you for using DHL services. Have a great day. Bye.
Stacie: Thank you for contacting DHL Customer Support. Please click on ‘Close’ button to end the chat session and take few minutes to fill in the Customer Survey Form. Your feedback is greatly appreciated.
 

I like to pride myself on my complete ignorance of football, but I ended up at a Super Bowl party on Sunday. A group of people watched the game, while others ignored it. When Tom Petty came on, everyone gathered near the TV and the middle-aged people began to sing along. The kids couldn’t take it, so the parents dutifully shut up.

I’m almost as not interested in Tom Petty as I am in football. Luckily, I got involved in an intense discussion about the Presidential campaign. Three brainy women agreed that Hillary was the best candidate. She knows what she’s doing and she has proved her mettle by surviving Bill’s infidelity without sacrificing her dignity.

But is her dignity actually intact? I have no idea! Is it dignified to stand by your husband when he deceives and humiliates you? I guess she could have thrown a fit in a press conference, or she could have called Monica out for a showdown or something. She could have screwed a hunky page and told Bill, “So there, Bubba!”

The women who wanted Hillary for President were so passionate about it that I was actually swayed for several hours. They had all fought to be taken seriously in their professions, whereas I personally have only fought against gainful employment. Their achievements are amazing to me.

Just as amazing was the nine layer Jello produced by the hostess, who made it with her daughter. They noted that they sometimes make twelve layers.

Look at how fucking beautiful this Jello is! It’s a cellphone photo, so imagine what a real camera could have captured. The glory of this Jello makes me glad to have friends who can cook, friends who have careers, and Democrats to vote for who won’t let themselves be swiftboated this time around.

It’s miserable to be middle-aged, according to a new study of two million people in 80 countries around the world. How can I say DUH loud enough?

The researchers examined data on depression, anxiety and general mental health, and found that well-being  bottoms out at around age 48 ½, on average. But the lows vary among different countries. “Happiness continues to fall for American men until about age 53.”

I am struck by the poetry of the words ‘happiness continues to fall.’ It’s so true.

The good news is that the sense of well-being tends to go up again after age 60. The stormy part is over, according to this study.

If by ‘stormy part’ they mean the part where you start wanting a face lift and you’re thinking about shit like bone density and why you can’t read the fine print even with your glasses on, I’m glad to know it passes. I assume the part where you don’t even know whether you have to pee or not also passes, along with the loss of your memory and your ability to bite into an apple without dreading a dental emergency.

Old age is probably very nice if the only other prospect is death. A recent government report revealed that suicide among the middle-aged has risen twenty per cent since 1999. I predict it will keep rising. Middle age is torture. There is nothing good about it. But everyone who decides to stick around will find that life isn’t nearly long enough, not when you still want to figure stuff out.

If I can make it to 70, I plan to be one happy old bag. I’ll probably dress like Cher, since that’s where I’m heading already. And I’ll taunt those 50 year olds without mercy!