I am the Meanest Person Alive

A close friend was asked her opinion of a profile for a “dating site” by a guy she barely knows. She showed it to me and we laughed our heads off. We are just a couple of cunts. It can’t be helped. She told the guy that his profile was great and that “the hotties will flock to him.”

Here it is, unedited.

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I work hard during the week in London, i enjoy visiting bars and clubs likemahiki, nobo, pigall, jazz clubs, salsa bars, fantastic restaurants,cocktailbars. I go to the gym two to three times a week. Love the beach,bit of a sun bum.

Flewn around the Statue of Liberty and over New York in a helicopter – MetAnt & Dec and various pop stars like Ashanti at the CD UK studios – Sat next to Jools Holland as he played at a concert – Met Frank Lampard and John Terry at the Chelsea training ground – Worked for ond of the British Touring Car teams -Had my own business at 21 – sailed in wild seas on a catameran of the coast of Cuba – parascended off the coast of Tunisia – Flewn in the****pit of a big passenger plane when it came into land at Gran Canaria –

Watched Spain versus England with Howard from Take That in a bar in Spain -Eaten sugar straight from a sugar beat plantation – driven one of the fastest passenger power boats – as i was goind along on my jet ski off the coast of Florida dolphins strted to spring out the wter nd followed me – put on concerts.

favourite book – alchamist. favourite film – jerry mcquire “show me the money”

I like to make the most of life and quite like the finer things in life but i also like stuff like sitting in a field, having a picnic and picking out shapes in the clouds – i love the beach – really like trying different restaurants – enjoy curling up on the sofa and watching a good film – i love cuddles – im an affectionate guy- kind hearted – love a bit of romance.

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21 Responses to “I am the Meanest Person Alive”

  1. enc Says:

    It could use a bit of copyediting.

  2. enc Says:

    And proofreading.

  3. Marmalade Wombat Says:

    Hello sister wolf! Thanks a lot for your comment. Your posts are always insightful and hilariously acerbic. They always make me think – hence the indecent number of posts I have made that link to this blog.
    In respect to this gentleman’s profile, I think even pathetic people deserve love. Though I personally would rather not know about their search for sexual gratification.

  4. Sister Wolf Says:

    You’re right, everyone does deserve to be loved. Perhaps the mundane details he lists are more tragic than comic. I can’t help mocking certain types of pathetic behavior. I’m just a cunt, I guess.

  5. Lady K Says:

    Then I am also one, as I too, found it hilarious. It cannot be for real surely? Ant and Dec, Howard for Take That and ……….Ashanti…………?

  6. Tobi Lynne Says:

    Blahahahahaha! Guess that makes me a cunt too, because this is really bad. I assume this is ‘subtle’ way of telling the hotties he has loads of cash? The dolphin thing really cracked me up.

  7. Sonja Says:

    that’s sooooo hilarious!! the poor silly bugger. You are mean, very mean!

  8. Suebob Says:

    He will get whom he deserves. Hopefully someone who can help him with his spelling, but I doubt it.

    He can’t say “cockpit”? What kind of looniness is that? What does he drink? ****tails?

    And people who say they love to cuddle always scare me.

  9. Lindsey (not Lohan, the other Lindsey) Says:

    hahahahaha – Jerry Maguire.
    Show me the money indeed.

  10. hoochiegucci Says:

    The most tragic thing about all this is that, although I hardly know him now, I actually dated this schmuck when I was 13.

    Can it be excused because I was only 13 and he hadn’t ridden with the dolphins at that point?

  11. Sister Wolf Says:

    Hoochiegucci, you’re excused, as long as you didn’t drink any ****tails with him.

  12. Aja Says:

    I’m all for feeling bad for pathetic people, but when someone opens their arms in that way and shouts “make fun of me”, you have to do just that. It would be a tragic to do anything less.

  13. Sister Wolf Says:

    Aja, quite so. Thank you for articulating this. Allow me to offer you a lifetime membership in The Power of Not Now.

  14. Sloth Says:

    Oh, jesus H. Posting to FB.

  15. julie Says:

    See, this is the type of thing that makes me TERRIFIED or ever being single again…

    http://www.shinylittlethings.com

  16. julie Says:

    oh excuse me, OF ever being single again. Maybe we are a match made in heaven.

    http://www.shinylittlethings.com

  17. Sister Wolf Says:

    Julie, are you up for the cuddles? If so, I think I can hook you up.

  18. Mark Says:

    I love this guy. I want to suck his ****.

  19. Juri Says:

    This ad is a sad demonstration of what happens to people who hang out with Howard from Take That in Spain and/or watch Tom Cruise movies.

    Just say NO to Tom Cruise, and if Howard from Take That approaches you in a Spanish bar, use your pepper spray.

  20. Iheartfashion Says:

    The saddest part about the whole thing is how he misspells both the name of his favorite book and movie. You have every right to make fun of this guy!
    And talk of cuddling frightens me too…

  21. mysongonisticoldbastard Says:

    This guy is so great, he should be dating himself.

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