Horrible Celebrity Baby Names II

While laying in my death-bed, I’ve been able to read the new Vogue magazine with a fine-tooth comb, so to speak. It’s filled with horror this month. I haven’t even begun to dissect its many insults, but a feature on the style of ‘real’ women introduced me to the self-centered Trophy Wife of John Mellencamp.

Former fashion model Elaine Irwin and John Mellencamp have named their two sons “Hud” and “Speck.”

What were they thinking?! Hud is just awful, but Speck? Did they name him after serial nurse-killer Richard Speck? Or was he just really tiny, like a little teeny speck of a baby?   Whatever, the Mellencamps are fucking idiots.

I am also a little disappointed in Brangelina’s name for their new boy, “Knox.” I see it is imperative that all their boys have an X in their names. Maddox, Pax, and so on.

But “Knox?” It cries out for the suffix, “Fort.”

Here is my list of suggestions for their next son (leaving out the too-conventional “Max”)

Tex
Tex Mex
Text
Fax
Lox
Vox

That’s it, I’m worn out. Any one got some more?

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34 Responses to “Horrible Celebrity Baby Names II”

  1. Imelda Matt Says:

    Imelda Mikes trailer trash step sister named her daughters Tarayn, Tennille and Shania. Fucking dumb arse bonghead!!!

  2. emma Says:

    fax
    sax
    sox
    pox

    the list goes on.

  3. enc Says:

    Fox
    in
    Sox
    with
    Bricks
    and
    Blocks.

    I read somewhere that Speck was a family name on Melonhead’s side. One can never be sure.

  4. Lora Says:

    One of the only people who could get away with this sort of thing was Frank Zappa. Maybe it’s because he wasn’t a pretentious asshole.

    I’d take Diva Thin Muffin Pigeen over Honor any day because you know with a name like Honor, you’re going to grow up to be a cunt.

  5. dewayne Says:

    axe, ox, pez, torkel, extra, nerf, exodus, oxford, luxor, phylum….i don’t know…i could probably go on forever with good celebrity baby names.

    i guess i should be a celebrity mormon.

  6. stella-mayfair Says:

    how about sux, sis?

  7. Lady K Says:

    The name HUD just reminds me of FUD. The Mellencamps sound like they are a couple of fuds!

  8. susie_bubble Says:

    Lord when will the trend for burdening kids with ridiculous names cease?

  9. Tobi Lynne Says:

    “Lord when will the trend for burdening kids with ridiculous names cease?” — better it doesn’t … as the apple rarely falls far from the tree, we’ll know upon introduction that the kid’s probably a twit. Ahh, guilt by association.

  10. n. Says:

    sprox for a boy.

    sproxie for a girl.

    good for a future campaigning Clorox.

  11. K-Line Says:

    I think Lox is perfect for the next one. Or Lux (to go with the 10 billion dollar baby picture campaign). That penchant for names that end in X is really horrible…

  12. fashionherald Says:

    ai, oi, wait, I just came up with chic baby names! I’m so clever.
    what the fuck are they ruining Hud for? People, rent Hud and see the world’s most beautiful man behave just like all of my exes.

  13. hammie Says:

    Lora, I know a woman named Honor and she is exactly as you say.

    Pissing myself laughing here. xx

  14. Sister Wolf Says:

    Hahaha!

    Imelda Matt, please offer my condolences to Imelda Mike.

    I love Axe and Clorox. I used to call Maddox “Oxfam” which would also be nice, don’t you think?

    We must pray for another boy.

  15. Zex Says:

    Z hater

  16. Aja Says:

    I can’t believe none of you said “Cox”. The kid is doomed to be teased for this life and all of eternity.

  17. Sister Wolf Says:

    None of us came up with “Cox?” And yet think how nice it goes with Pitt?

  18. Susan Says:

    Well, shit. I was going to say Cox.

  19. marmalade wombat Says:

    the government refused to agree to a couple in new zealand calling their child “4real”.

  20. Raven Says:

    Dax, Pex.

    And Paul Newman is so damn sexy in Hud.

  21. Mark Says:

    I once heard a woman yelling rudely for her daughter in a horrible PathMark Supermarket in Harlem. The girl’s name was “Pantene.” I may have dreamt this, though, or I could have just lied about it so much that now I think it’s real.

  22. Sister Wolf Says:

    Oh I love Pantene.

    I JUST read that a judge in NZ ruled that a girl named Talula Does the Hula has to be re-named. He cited “Fish and Chips” as another name that had been turned down.

  23. Charponnaise Says:

    Bollox has a musical ring to it.

  24. Sister Wolf Says:

    Hahahaha! Love it! I’m going to call “Knox” that.

  25. honeypants Says:

    Crux
    Flux
    Larynx
    Pharynx
    Coccyx

    And I don’t know what it means, but Zax is a great Scrabble word!

  26. Sister Wolf Says:

    Damn, Honeypants, I see you are a formidable Scrabble player. Do you play it online too? (I know some online Scrabble addicts.)

  27. honeypants Says:

    Oh god, or Lynx!

    That is SO not as cool as people who would do that might think. Some other celebs need to have kids and name them after wildcats/Mac OS.

    Lynx, Puma, Ocelot, Snow Leopard…

    And even though Paula Yates is pretty lame, I do like some of her kids’ names. And they were doing it way before it was cool.

  28. honeypants Says:

    LINUX

    (ok, I’ll stop now!)

    And yes, I am an online Scrabble addict. I usually play 4 or 5 games a day! Do you play too?

  29. Graham Says:

    I find it funny that you leave out Max.

  30. Sister Wolf Says:

    Max found it funny, too.

  31. Daniel Says:

    botox

  32. neil Says:

    The above thought is smart and doesn’t require any further addition. It’s perfect thought from my side.

    neil

    Baby Furniture

  33. anon Says:

    exlax

  34. UK GHD Says:

    Yale is previous logo flat out sucked. My cat could have carried out that.

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