You Can Put Valentino on a Pig…

But it’s still Sarah Palin! Poor Valentino, how awful that Mrs. P chose one of his pieces to make her national debut in. Actually, her stylists chose it, to be fair. Earlier, I read that she sometimes goes to an Anchorage charity shop, where she purchased a second-hand jacket by Escada and some Juicy Couture for Bristol.

How telling that Sarah P. would buy used Escada! Ugh!

As CEO of PAP Smear, I have been asking myself, “Self, why do you despise this awful woman so passionately?” And the truth is this: I simply hate stupid people. Hate them, with a capital H. Stupid Bible Thumpers, well, I hate them even more. Stupid Bible Thumping Liars, now we’re talking red-hot hatred, a hatred that cannot be denied or contained.

I can’t see Russia from my house, but I can see this photo of Bristol, hacked from Mrs. P’s Yahoo email. And call me crazy but I see Bristol MOCKING BABY TRIG! Ha Ha, good one Bristol!

The ever-increasing horror of this stupid hillbilly family is now disturbing my sleep, and that’s not good for my mental health. Last night, I tossed and turned for hours, my inflamed frontal lobe generating Palin family names like Tigger, Prior, Blistex, Tic Tac, Toll Bridge, Tagger, Willing, Wallow, Trick of Treat……

In the end, I discovered that I’d forgotten to take my Ativan.

Tomorrow, let’s discuss why The First Dude hasn’t spoken up yet. Can he talk? Does he lisp? Is he a castrato? Let’s find out!

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21 Responses to “You Can Put Valentino on a Pig…”

  1. Skye Says:

    Escada is awful enough, I’m trying to imagine what kind of old Escada ends up in an Anchorage thrift. Hideous is the only possible assumption on that.

    My husband declared today that Obama is going to win, and that if we had any money he’d bet on it. Not sure if the rantings of an Australian man based on nothing more than obsessive web surfing will actually give any comfort to you, but you know anything’s worth a try!

  2. hammie Says:

    Skye, If only they would give us a consituency and let us vote, by text message. Do Rednecks use text messaging?
    xx

  3. annemarie Says:

    Escada is an expensive way to look like an old whore, and Juicy Couture is an expensive way to look like a cheap slut. Imagine not educating your daughter on the facts of life and then sticking her in a velour track suit with “juicy” written across her arse? That is SICK! And second-hand Juicy Couture….oh, that’s gnarly. No amount of steam ironing could get the juicy, fungal smell out of the pants. Yuck.

  4. ash Says:

    Ugh, That Sarah Palin is nothing but a whore for Jesus! And John McSpain doesn’t even know what he is talking about anymore! It doesn’t matter, he can just change his mind later! And we wouldn’t call Joe Biden’s wife the FIRST lady, so why would we call that idiot Todd the FIRST anything? Ugh. These politics make me sweaty and nervous and I hate it! Make it go away!

  5. honeypants Says:

    The idea of Bristol in her used Juicy — it’s just making it that much more evident to me how much Palin and her family are no different than the annoying SUV-driving republican church-going suburbanites I see every time I go to the movies, or Bed, Bath & Beyond, or out to eat anywhere in the ‘burbs. And the fact that any one of these annoying moms could be a potential VP is terrifying! These are the people that reinforce my misanthropy on a daily basis! Sadly, these people are also my family. How I turned out the way I did is beyond me, but thank um, Bowie? that I did!

    And you’re right ash, Todd would be the Second Dude. And didn’t I hear Olbermann say something last night about Palin accidentally saying the “Palin/McCain” campaign?

    Finally, read this: http://blogs.wsj.com/washwire/2008/09/17/palin-on-foreign-policy-ready-by-jan-20/ to see how she “amusingly” sidestepped a question at yesterday’s Michigan Town Hall meeting, blatantly asking her to please explain what skills she has in terms of foreign policy. And then, McCain cut her off to talk about all her oil connections. Can we get a specific answer here Sarah?

  6. fashionherald Says:

    I want to get all “Raising Trig” and go snatch that poor baby. I’m serious, that picture is making me so depressed.

  7. annemarie Says:

    oh honeypants, why did you send me to such a terrible link? half of my breakfast just projectiled onto my computer.

    “If you want specifics with specific policies or countries go ahead and you can ask me. You can even play stump-the-candidate if you want to.”

    oooooh, this makes me so MAD!

    No doubt she is referring to Charlie Gibson’s question, to which she responded, “In what sense Charlie?”
    ….while sitting back in her chair as though to say “i’m ready for ya!” but at the same time with a sort of menacing “don’t fuck with me just because you’re smarter” posture and intoning “Charlie” in the same way as one would “asshole.”

    Because this is what they do. Someone tries to call them out and they respond by calling out the caller-outer. It’s pathetic.

    It plays itself out like this:
    –You’re stupid!
    –Well, You’re MEAN!
    And then half the population makes the deduction that smart people are mean people and they vote the stupid person into office.

  8. enc Says:

    That photo is horrible! Again, I will have to wash my eyes (and brain) out with soap!

  9. Mark Says:

    Used Juicy? From an Anchorage thrift store?

    The population is scared of smart people. They’re resentful. Smart people are reminders that they’re lazy and dumb.

    The amazing film “Smart People” would have done way better at the box office if it had been titled “People Who Think They’re Smart but They’re not any Smarter than You, You Lazy, Stupid, SUV-Driving Piece of American Trash.”

  10. Iheartfashion Says:

    Just the words “Anchorage thrift shop” make me recoil in horror. I too felt sad for Valentino when I read she was wearing his jacket at the RNC.
    Can’t we introduce some sort of test for public office? I mean, a doctor has to pass his medical boards, a lawyer has to pass the bar; how can this know-nothing bimbo be the potential VP of the United States? It’s so shocking I don’t know what to do.

  11. Danielle Says:

    Um, as far as Palin names go, you might want to check this out (if you haven’t already): http://politsk.blogspot.com/2008/09/sarah_13.html

  12. Bex Says:

    I shudder to think of her as the VP.

  13. OMGGMAB Says:

    Okay is it just me or does that baby look NOTHING like the Trig we’ve seen in other pics? The baby in this pic clearly does not have Downs. Who is this kid? And again, where did Sarah buy the other kid?

    Oh I get it, she asked first dude to go out and buy her a down blanket, but he came back with a down baby! Probably bought the poor chap from a Russian dealer he could see from his house.

    Those poor kids don’t have a chance with those rednecks!

  14. OMGGMAB Says:

    And by the way, Sarah is going to use the thrift shop arguments against us by calling herself “green.” By jove she’s re-using rather than throwing away! Now how can you argue with that? Most of her firs are second hand, after all. First they were worn by ANIMALS – WOLVES, BEARS, FOX. . . You get the picture.

    Com’on y’all, she’s a true environmentalist. Used Juicy, used Fox, what the hell’s the diff?

    I myself like comfy well worn sweats. I look great in them and no animals were harmed!

  15. littlelux Says:

    call me crazy but… i’m not sure i get what some of you felt from the picture. to me it just looks like a dumb teenager, making a dumb face and mugging for the camera with her baby brother (or hey, son…) who she happened to be holding at the time of the photo.

    as a youngin’ myself, i have been known to make said faces in pictures as well.

    maybe it’s just me.. but the picture seems innocent.

  16. Sister Wolf Says:

    Skye – YES Hideous! Rub your husband’s tummy for good luck.

    Hammie – I don’t think they can spell…so, no texting.

    annemarie -The are what my mom would’ve called “Lowlifes.”

    ash -A Whore and an Idiot. In Alaska’s govt, that idiot was known as The Fixer; The Whore would sick him on people who didn’t cooperate with her!

    Honeypants – Perhaps even stupid people are getting an inkling of that moron’s inability to stay on topic and anser questions?

    Enc – I’m sorry, forgive me.

    Mark – Amen.

    Iheartfashion -It’s nice to hear ‘bimbo’ after all these years.

    fashionherald -I know, I’m sorry.

    Danielle – That site has nothing on my poor brain, but thanks!

    Bex -Be strong; we need you for PAP Smear!

    OMGGMAB -It’s Babygate.

    littlelux -NOTHING is innocent in this mutant family, nothing!

  17. littlelux Says:

    i know i know… perhaps i should retract my innocent and replace it with dumbasfuck?

  18. Sister Wolf Says:

    Well, I don’t want to deprive you of your innocence….but in this case, you need to be wary! These morons are more dangerous than they look.

  19. Sonja Says:

    OH how I love to lurk here – you fabulous Patriots Against Palen. I’m a Canadian on your team. All I can say is, damn you get out and vote and take everybody you can with you, cause your shit spills all over us and we are absolutely astounded to see that the likes of Sara Palen can even get a seat at the Table – what is up down there??? Crisesakes! We might have to invade!

  20. Sister Wolf Says:

    Sonja – You are in charge of the Canadian Invasion Brigade should all else fail. Thank you for taking a leadership role in this debacle!

  21. Make Do & Mend Says:

    Not a good photo but the baby does look cute I have to say that from the photo his Down’s Syndrome is a minor one. There is a range and I hope he carries on looking so well. As for Palin – arr slap the b*tch. I don’t want to know about their sad thicko lives.

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