People, I know how hard it is to stay focused in today’s fast-paced multi-tasking world, but we must try to funnel our collective hatred toward Grandpa and the Mean Church Lady. Look at this PAP Smear warrior with her Blessed Virgin. Here is a role model we should all emulate. She’s beautiful, she’s angry, she’s ready for battle.
Today I admit I lost my path for a moment. I discovered the horror that is Erin Wasson, and I was filled with disgust and helpless rage. Where did this awful person come from, and why is she allowed to speak, when every word she utters is an egregious offense?
When enraged so unexpectedly, my organism is flooded with fight-or-flight hormones, which then bathe my vital organs in toxic cortisol. Since I can’t kill anyone, I am speeding toward either colitis or possibly a fatal aneurysm. DON’T GIVE ME MORE TO HATE! In gas station terms, don’t top off my tank.
So we must move past Erin “Why did god make me?” Wasson, Madonna, Gwyneth, even Keira Knightley, in order to function effectively as PAP Smear.
The good news is that Mrs. P is starting to annoy people, even her constituents in Alaska, who resent her Troopergate antics. Today she agreed to be questioned by a panel of three people she has the authority to fire.
People are sick of trying to remember the names of those fucking children. I took my kid to a party and ended up in a group of moms drinking margaritas. None of us could retrieve all five names. Bristol, Track, Willow, Trig…….and who? We were all stumped. The hostess went to her computer and then made us play 20 Questions. One mom suggested “Trash,” which is very inspired but not the answer.
Note to Bristol: Trash is a cool name for your baby!
Another thing to remember as PAP Smear members is that Grandpa needs to be outed as well, as a lying scumbag bent on blowing up the entire world. Grandpa isn’t just a horrible old fart! He’s a deceitful, disloyal little daddy-fearing dipshit just like George W. only potentially more dangerous. Start your reading on Grandpa’s history here. Then go here.