Other Bitches I Hate
The Crazy Russian Lady has been busy on her blog lately and while she continues to offend me, it would be wrong to link to her; she would only brag about her new readers. And yet her comment following the news of a neo-Nazi plot against Obama managed to compare it to the Reichstag Fire. (!!!) She is koo koo for cocoa puffs, as I’ve said before, and a mean one, too.
So I’ve decided to copy some of her posts at my, ahem, Tribute Site. That way you can share the hatred without giving her any pleasure. In any case, if you take issue with her at her blog, she will delete your comments and/or “blacklist” you. (Hi, Crazy, I know you’re reading this!)
Earlier today, I was reminded of a person who became my nemesis on eBay. I used to collect Victorian tiger claws, and I know this might be horrifying but there it is: I collected them. I got my first one at a flea market in London and I didn’t know what it was but I loved the engraved gold setting and I wore it on a chain.
When I first discovered eBay, I looked for tiger claws and found there were often five or six every week, usually offered by someone in the UK. I managed to buy a beautiful brooch. Then I realized that nearly every tiger claw was won by the same bidder, whose handle was “shellyel.” I grew to hate that greedy shellyel, and I wondered what her deal was. I wanted to email her and say “Will you ever have enough tiger claws, you fucking bitch?!” I had to face the fact that whoever she was, she had cornered the entire world market for Victorian tiger claws. It seemed so unfair! Where did she get all that money? Each piece sold for around $150, or up to $300 if it was set with a precious stone or something.
One day, long after I stopped looking at eBay, I was in a boutique with my BFF when I saw a bigass tiger claw hung from a raw leather cord. It was in a glass case. A sales person saw me looking at it and said, “This is by one of our new designers, Shelly Litvak. Isn’t it cool?”
I screamed “IT’S SHELLY!” loud enough to scare my BFF. The price was $3,000. Shelly was pretty smart, some would say. In my world, she’s a fucking, fucking cunt. How can collectors collect stuff when there are wealthy Shellys around?
You can buy her absurdly overpriced necklaces here or you can also look out for her crappy suede handbags that are priced at around a billion dollars.
In case Shelly googles herself and finds this post, Look, Shelly! I have a big double tiger claw necklace with 22k gold thingies, and you can’t have it!
Tags: crazy bitches, jewelry
November 10th, 2008 at 11:07 pm
Apparently Jessica Simpson has been seen many times with her Shelly Litvak tote. That’s a hole punch on your cool card, Shelly Litvak. Goddammit, I hate people like her. 9 out of 10 times I’m thinking “why the fuck didn’t I come up with a way to adequately rip people off in such a manner!”
November 10th, 2008 at 11:37 pm
Shelly should be jailed, and all the places that sell her tiger-claw crap should be fined. I think it’s illegal to sell tiger claws in the US.
Your tribute site is amazing! I had forgotten about it. It made me smile. I’m really hating the Crazy Russian Lady now. Before it was just muffin recipes and and her legs, but now it’s personal. Come to New York. We’ll egg her.
November 10th, 2008 at 11:56 pm
I have a nemesis too SW. He actually went to the trouble of calling himself “Beefy” on a parents discussion board, but the parody went over my head as of course Hammie is of course a pink starfish and nothing to do with smoked meat products. (someone smart had to point it out to me)
I quit the board until they deleted him. Traffic and advertising revenues are down by 50%.
I hate him because he stole my tutors, he lies about his qualifications and credentials, and charges vulnerable parents €35 per hour for his questionable educational methods.
His time will come.
xx
November 11th, 2008 at 2:36 am
God the Russian Lady seriously I can’t believe she exists – it is bizarre that people can bale such rubbish cakes and believe such tosh. Still the Shelley hate had me rolling along the top of a London double decker bus it is so funny. The feds should get her for dealing in tiger claws.
November 11th, 2008 at 3:09 am
Good to know that there are still worthy targets for your hate out there – warms the cockles of my heart.
That tiger claw poaching bitch was bad enough as an online nemesis, how dare she break through into the real world!
November 11th, 2008 at 3:13 am
Ooh ooh ooh I love a good catfight. Hell with the Russian lady. I want to see the fur flying with Shelly. Here kitty kitty…
November 11th, 2008 at 4:15 am
I’d sit down and eat paste with you all day everyday!
November 11th, 2008 at 4:17 am
I forgot to say thanks coz I believe it was you who put me within $3 of the magic $100.
November 11th, 2008 at 5:41 am
And the bitch who should get a tiger claw slashed across her fetid face is Ann Coulter, who I truly have to hate more than Church Lady. I simply cannot wrap my mind around how such a vile person can sell her wares and make millions of dollars. Can anyone get a real tiger in here to do the job?
November 11th, 2008 at 7:12 am
OMG the Russian bitch! Is she for real? Sister Wolf, my GOD! Just when I allow myself to have the slightest bit of faith that humanity is not lost, someone like HER flies across my radar!
Shelly can go fuck herself as well. Team Wolf for life.
November 11th, 2008 at 8:28 am
My favourite Victorian collectibles are the cut off genitals the jolly Englishmen and other Eropeans brought home from the colonies and put on display in the museums. They’re hard to come by online, though, and I don’t suppose wearing a jar of genitals in formaldehyde would be too good on my neck in the long run either, but one can always dream.
Couldn’t the Crazy Russian Lady be captured and exhibited around the world for entertainment purposes like Saartjie Baartman, the Hottentot Venus? You could call her Crazy Russian Venus and share her with the world. I think the world would be thrilled to hear what she has to say about politics, architecture and slavic supremacy.
November 11th, 2008 at 11:04 am
SO FREAKING FUNNY! That Russian is crazy funny! O SW I adore you! But I must confess I own a SL handbag! (paid less than wholesale) AND one of her necklaces (paid $200.) I know, I know; there is something seriously wrong with me. xx
November 11th, 2008 at 12:14 pm
Badass tiger claws!
You should, one of these days, face off with the Russian Lady in the ultimate fighting ring!! That would be awesome!
November 11th, 2008 at 12:46 pm
Shelly calls that jewelry “design”? Really? For that much money those ugly-ass things better do my dishes and windows. As somebody who designs and makes jewelry for fun, the materials and time to put together one of Shelly’s pieces can cost anywhere from $200 to $400 (and I’m REALLY on the high end in my estimates). She must think her work is really, really, ridiculously unique and beautiful to charge those kind of obscene prices.
The crazy Russian bitch is actually somewhat typical. I know way too many Russians (mostly my family and their friends) who are exactly like her. I don’t like them and I think I’ll add her to my “Hate List” right now.
SW – that necklace of yours is amazing!! And should you need any translation of the Crazy Russian’s site, I’m your fluent little Russian spy.
November 11th, 2008 at 2:07 pm
What an interesting story of obscurity turned . . . notorious?
November 11th, 2008 at 2:26 pm
my man has a tiger claw cuff he wears when he’s down on his luck, it works quite well. I need one of my own, but those shelly prices are ridiculous.
November 11th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
that’s ridiculous! what a massive stinking con. she obviously has no shame. disgusting.
November 11th, 2008 at 3:40 pm
Wow – that woman is really something. (Both of them actually…)
November 11th, 2008 at 4:33 pm
That Shelly story is too funny. But you have the best piece ever. And she can’t have it!!!
November 11th, 2008 at 9:14 pm
I just read this post aloud to my Dad. He said “THAT IS HILARIOUS”.
November 11th, 2008 at 10:22 pm
Aja – YES, I knew about Jessica Simpson, whose taste in handbags is tragic.
Mark – Shelly is a felon!
Hammie -Oh god, can I retaliate against him in some way??
Make do- That Russian Lady is such a piece of work, and her muffins are shite
Skye -Hahahaha! I know, how dare she?!?!
Nick – I’m a lover not a fighter (remember when people used to say that?)
Imelda Matt -thank you dear, paste it is!!
OMGGMAB -Mr. Coulter is a cunt, but at present I’m more upset by Mrs. P
Ann -YAY! Thank you. What encouraging words.
Juri- Hahahahahahaha! Get back to blogging, damn you. xoxo
Jools -Seriously?!? Well, at least you got a good deal, and you can always sell it to Jessica Simpson.
Bex -That Russian Lady is terrifying. Be afraid!
Helonwheels – EXACTLY! It’s not ‘design’, it’s putting trinkets from eBay on a string. Your translating skills will be handy, this is exciting news!!!
enc – Can we use a more pejorative word than ‘notorious?’
fashion herald -Well, Elvis wore one, too. We can find you one, not-from-shelly.
Miss Wombat – Yes! None at all.
K-Line – One is truly evil and the other is just cunning, I guess. I hate them both.
WendyB -Hahaha! Don’t you hate that she can be called a ‘jewelry designer?’
Aja – Aww, what a good daughter you are (and what a good dad!)
December 1st, 2008 at 10:48 pm
this might make you feel better, she filed for bankruptcy
https://www.entrepreneur.com/tradejournals/article/185330982.html
Shelly Litvak
AW: Shelly Litvak Inc.
(Designer of handbags and jewelry)
941 North Haper Ave.
W. Hollywood 90046
Chapter: 7
Assets: $15,366
Debts: $171,544
Dec# LA08-20853-ER
File-Date: 07/20/08
December 1st, 2008 at 11:09 pm
OH MY GOD, what a hapy moment! Thank you so much, Laura! Tiger claws for everyone! Awesome. xoxo
September 16th, 2009 at 6:46 pm
FIRST OF ALL SHE IS A TALENTED DESIGNER AND DONT YOU WISH YOU HAD THE IDEA FIRST WELL YEAH OF COURSE YOU DO THATS WHY YOUR SO BITTER. INSTEAD OF APPRECIATING HER BEAUTIFUL JEWELRY YOU SPREAD NASTINESS. YOU GO AROUND TALKING TRASH INSTEAD OF HONING INTO POSITIVE THOUGHTS. YOUR PROBABLY A REAL WINNER……. BE MORE AWARE CAUSE MAYBE ONE OF THESE DAYS THE SPIRIT OF THE TIGER MIGHT JUST COME AND BITE YOUR BIG ASS MOUTH….. NOW SHUT IT ALREADY
SPREAD LOVE NOT HATE
September 17th, 2009 at 8:11 pm
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