As you all know by now, Bristol Palin has “delivered” a healthy baby boy named Tripp. What you may not know is that I am a highly regarded journalist in my spare time, and here are the facts:
On December 23, a life-size Baby Jesus was stolen from the manger display at the Clover Pass Community Church in Ketchikan, Alaska. The hand-carved figurine had been chained to the church’s nativity scene, but “someone” managed to undo the chain.
DO THE MATH, PEOPLE!
As Bristol’s due date drew near, Mrs. Palin had to have Levi’s mom arrested in order to get the boy’s attention. He had been refusing to visit Bristol in her dungeon bedroom at the Palin compound in Wasilla. The drug bust succeeded in prompting young Levi to take a leave of absence from his meth lab job. He reluctantly stayed at Bristol’s side until Todd gave him the signal on December 23.
Todd and Levi managed to sneak the Baby Jesus into the Wasilla Hospital, while the nurses were busy counting bottles of Oxycontin and arguing about how to divide them fairly among the staff.
Bristol was rushed to the hospital by Piper, who is allowed to drive the snowmobile on special occasions.
It was easy to fool the doctor on duty, who was tweaking and texting madly on his Blackberry to Levi’s mom, unaware that she had changed her phone number at the advice of her attorney.
Thus, little Tripp was welcomed into the world, looking a little stiff but just as cute as his brother Trig, if not cuter.