Phil Spector, Shoes and Suicide

It’s hard to believe that Phil Spector (above with his crazy wife Rachelle) is STILL on trial for the murder of Lana Clarkson. But on Friday, the prosecution rested its case against him. The last person to testify was Lana Clarkson’s mother, Donna, who maintains that her daughter’s purchase of eight pairs of shoes just prior to her death proves that she was not suicidal.

Apart from the fact that we already know Phil Spector is guilty, the shoe argument is a convincing one. At first, anyway.

Eight pairs of new shoes seems like a really optimistic investment, a gesture of hope. That’s a lot of shoes, even to me. If I was planning to kill myself, I know I wouldn’t buy eight pairs of shoes first.

Lana Clarkson went shoe shopping with her mother at Nordstrom, looking for flats to wear at her new job. She found eights pairs of black flats, including the Mary Jane’s she was wearing when she died. Her mom loaned her the money for the shoes, a total of $150.

150 divided by eight is….I can’t do math, but it means the shoes were cheap. This makes me reassess the whole suicide thing. What if you went home with eight boxes of awful cheap shoes and thought, God, why do I even bother to live?! That I can relate to.

I ran this by my husband, who replied, “But it’s Nordstrom, she could’ve taken them back.” He is well aware of Nordstrom’s liberal return policy, since he has driven me there to return things at least a thousand times.

But that’s not the point, duh! Even if you knew you could return them, the horror of having bought so many black flats might in fact be overwhelming. If you were already depressed, it could push you over the edge.

Of course, whatever Lana was feeling on the night she went home with Phil Spector, he blew her brains out. There is more than enough proof of that. His new lawyer is attempting to defend him by showing that Spector doesn’t hate and threaten women, specifically, but rather he hates and threatens men, too. It’s a brilliant defense strategy if the jury has been lobotomized.

However, I’m stuck with the idea of shoes and suicide. Maybe I’ll have to have a philosophical discussion with Imelda Matt. Until then, here is a pair of shoes that make me want to kill myself. They’re on sale at endless.com for only $771.81.

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18 Responses to “Phil Spector, Shoes and Suicide”

  1. Skye Says:

    I truly can’t believe someone was insane enough to marry that guy.

    Poor dead cheap shoes lady. I hope they do convict crazy Phil, and also whoever designed those terrible furry shoes.

  2. Juri Says:

    Has anyone checked what kind of shoes O.J’s wife bought before she died? She may have had a lets-buy-some-cheap-ass-flip-flops-and-kill-ourselves pact with Lana.

    I must confess I kind of like the shoes that make you want to kill yourself. I know it’s hard to find a matching racoon to pet, especially with PETA sticking their nose to all the wrong parties, but whoever walks towards me in a club wearing those shoes will have me at “hello sailor.” I’ll be helplessly enchanted.

  3. WendyB Says:

    “What if you went home with eight boxes of awful cheap shoes and thought, God, why do I even bother to live?! ” — BWAH!!!

  4. Make Do Style Says:

    Brilliant logic! I’d forgotten about this as it has gone for ages. Dreadful stuff and if you see me in those shoes you’ve posted – kill me!

  5. annemarie Says:

    Buying 8 pairs of cheap black flats is a clear and indisputable indicator of a woman unhinged. She totally killed herself afterwards.

  6. HelOnWheels Says:

    It’s obvious that Lana’s mom is lying. Eight pairs of shoes for $150 is a little more than $18/pair. Can you actually buy shoes at Nordstrom for that? I didn’t think you could get shoes at Payless for that, unless they’re plastic or an equally hideous material. Regardless, they need to convict that creepazoid, Spector, ASAP.

    As for those suicide shoes, I could use a pair right about now as my heat has failed and it’s barely 18F outside. However, I would never buy them, as I would have to kill myself for spending money on something so incredibly hideous.

  7. Bex Says:

    I totally agree with HelOnWheels, you can’t even get $18 a pair at Nordstrom even on sale! Her mother probably left out another zero in that amount. Now, 8 pairs of shoes for $1500, from Nordstrom, I can believe!

    Isn’t the whole point of fur warmth? Why would you want your ankles warm but your toes freezing?

  8. Iheartfashion Says:

    8 pair of cheap black flats might make me suicidal!
    And Phil Spector should be found insane for that crazy afro if nothing else.

  9. arline Says:

    You are fucking hilarious!

  10. hammie Says:

    Think if I was planning on leaving this earthly plane I would borrow two thousand dollars from my mum and buy 4 pairs of Jimmy Choo Fetish Boots. That would kill her actually…….
    xx

  11. Ann Says:

    Cheap shoes never fail to make the wearer’s feet stink. Maybe that’s why Phil killed her?

    Those shoes from endless.com are death-inducing! As if the “sale” price wasn’t bad enough, the original price is $862.95…really?! They would make any woman look like she has cankles. Certainly reason enough to self-harm.

  12. Deni Says:

    Phil is insane and he did “it.” Lana was insane to go home with Phil, but buying anything right before you decide to do yourself in isn’t very likely. Actually, from what little knowledge I posses the opposite is true; you’re more likely to start giving things away, and not going out on dates . . . hmmm . . . unless you realize that Phil was insane and capable of murder and you knew how easily provoked and violent he could be so (did she mention small weeny or ED?) you set him up . . . you buy shoes to throw the trail off of your impending suicide by crazy tiny-megalomaniac rich old geezer with decades of bad hair days. Vola suicide by a relative of “Cousin It”. Ah ha it all makes sense now, and the shoes up above . . . they are the nose trimmings of Cousin It. It’s perfectly clear how everything fits . . . like a size 8 into a 6.5 wide.
    Good night Gracy!

  13. P.A. Says:

    You don’t say what the new job is. Approaching 40 (if I recall) and another hostess job, a gun nearby. That would be enough to make me suicidal.

  14. cybill Says:

    So what happened to the shoes, won’t somebody think of the shoes!!

  15. Aja Says:

    Did they specify whether it was Nordstrom or Nordstrom Rack? Aw hell, even at Nordstrom Rack I’ve never gotten a pair of shoes for under $21. Either way, lock him up and throw away the key. I hate when rich people get off scot free. And burn those furry shoes in an incinerator.

  16. Sister Wolf Says:

    Skye – Guilty! and also Guilty!

    Juri -Ha, I’d like to see you in those furry shoes.

    WendyB – You can relate to that, right?!

    Make Do – Okay, will do, it is now part of your official Living Will.

    Annemarie – Whatever, Phil needs to be put away.

    HelOnWheels – Shit, $18, no way. Why wasn’t she cross-examined on the price??

    Bex -There is no logic, no excuse even, for those fucking fur sandals.

    Iheartfashion -I know, ugh. all those damn flats….

    arline – Yes, I make my self laugh, too!

    Ann -Hahahahhaha!

    Hammie -It’s good to know what shoes you want before being murdered!

    Deni – NOW you’re thinking clearly, good.

    P.A. – True, but don’t forget that still, PHIL DID IT.

    cybill – God, how did we forget about the poor shoes!!!!!!!

    Aja -Aha! Nordstrom Rack. You could have solved this, Aja. Nice work.

  17. Henk Van Vleck Says:

    I know nothing of this case nor of the protagonists, however; the key question seems to be: what proportion of the jury is male?

    8 pairs of shoes in a single shopping trip?! I’ve got 11 pairs of shoes *in total* if you include my wellies, a pair of waders and my rock slippers. I reluctantly parted with my favourite pair of boots (which I bought in 1998) last year, and have maybe disposed of three additional pairs in the intervening period.

    8 pair purchasing is a cry for help, surely?

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