The Nose War

When you’ve been in a relationship for years and years, you need to make an effort to have fun.

Here’s a game I just made up, called The Nose War:

There’s a little rubber nose on my kitchen floor, just to the left of the fridge. It’s been there for around 10 days. I don’t know how it got there, I only know that I bought it in a little packet of rubber body-parts from Borders, at least a year ago. They were creepy but cute, and cost around two bucks.

(I put a quarter next to the nose for size comparison.)

Anyway, the nose is in plain sight, but NO ONE WILL PICK IT UP!

It occurred to me that it would be fun to see how long it stays there. In other words, I’ve decided to leave it there as a test for my husband, who normally hastens to tell me what’s wrong in the kitchen. Then, it occurred to me that my husband must be leaving it there on purpose, too, to test ME! He’s probably thinking, I’ll see how long that slob leaves that nose on the floor, and eventually I’ll draw her attention to it and say “Look what a lazy slob you are, this has been on the floor for — days, bla bla bla!”

I’ve pointed out the nose to my kid, who said “I was wondering why that was there,” and I told him I was conducting a test. But I like how he had no intention of picking it up, either. The apple doesn’t   fall far from the tree, eh?

God, marriage is fun.

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19 Responses to “The Nose War”

  1. Anne Says:

    At least you know your husband has seen it or have noticed it. There’s still hope…maybe. I can tell you my husband will not notice it even if it was 3x bigger. Sad. Blind and sad.

  2. dewayne Says:

    if i were in your husband’s position and you mentioned it to me, i’d say, “that’s where it goes.”

    i know atleast one of you has grown fond of it’s constant random presence.
    even better, you should periodically stick the nose in different places and make a game of that….after this one is over.

  3. Sister Wolf Says:

    Anne – That IS sad.

    dewayne – HAHAHAHHA! I wish you were my husband, in that case. I confess, I enjoy seeing the nose there. Don’t tell him.

  4. Bex Says:

    Mr. Bex is the same way, he lets the dishes pile up and then bitches about the fact that he has to spend an hour doing them.

  5. Stella Mayfair Says:

    what a nose!
    i want a box of rubber body parts, too! i want to re-enact blue velvet and put a pale rubber ear out for someone to find and be irritated about. hmmm. i’m probably a lot crazier than i thought…

  6. Dexter VanDango Says:

    Is this akin to that other marital body parts game: “I won’t touch it unless you clean the house and beg me first?”

  7. Make Do Style Says:

    I’m getting a nose – it is such a good game except petit garcon would immediately spot it and want it – therefore Mr MDS and will be saved from my black book note taking!

  8. Juri Says:

    That’s it! Now I know I’m missing out on something by being single. Time has come for that mail order bride to enter Châteu de Jüri. I’d better let the agency know I want a bride who either knows how to play the nose game, or is able to learn quickly.

  9. Sal Says:

    HAH! I’ve been engaging my husband in Nose War for AGES and never even realized it. I mean, not with an actual nose, but the same set of unspoken rules and waiting games.

  10. Deni Says:

    “That’s it! Now I know I’m missing out on something by being single. Time has come for that mail order bridegroom to enter Châteu de Looney Abode. I’d better let the agency know I want a bridegroom who either knows how to play the nose game, or is able to learn quickly.” Juri, I had to quote you, you put it very nicely.
    And
    It would be best if he, the bridegroom, supplied his own body parts to toy with.

  11. Ann Says:

    If I came to your house and saw that rubber nose on the floor, I’d pick it up and put it on the counter without even a second thought and without first asking your permission. GOD! What a busybody I am! I’d have single-handedly ruined your experiment by being this huge unexpected variable!

    I disgust myself.

  12. fashion herald Says:

    love the kitchen tile. and that is a frighteningly life-like nose. my husband’s issue would be “where’s my nose, you always put my nose where I can’t find it!” meanwhile it’s right in front of him.

  13. hammie Says:

    I would have that thing in a plastic bag and outside in the wheely bin; followed by excessive use of bleach whereever it touched! I can’t understand a household that doesnt have one excessive compulsive to clean up after the congenitally careless.

    Mr Hammie would wait you out sis; he didnt put it there, why should he move it?
    xx

  14. Patsy Duff Says:

    Picking noses, surely that’s what wives are for, isn’t it?

    (I have a feeling there might be a typo in there somewhere but I’m too busy to stop and look for it, I haven’t finished the ironing yet and there’s the bedrooms to hoover . . . )

  15. David Duff Says:

    Ooops! That was me above not her because I am forced to use her lap-top until mine is fixed. For God’s sake don’t tell her, she’ll kill me! I’ll be on housekeeping duties for a month!

  16. Tobi Lynne Says:

    Wow, I needed that laugh, thanks! We have something similar, except it’s a large ball of cat and dog fur right by the couch. I sweep around it these days … it’s been there for over a month.

  17. Sister Wolf Says:

    Bex – Sounds like he needs more training.

    Stella-Mayfair -Hahahahha!

    Dexter – No. Get you mind out of the gutter, this is a ‘family’ website!

    Make Do -Wait until the little one is older.

    Juri – Hahahaha! This is why gays want to marry, too.

    Sal -I’m jealous.

    Deni -Why not get in touch with Juri???

    Ann – hahahahahha, I’m sorry. I love you.

    fashion herald – HA, my brother in law is like that, he accuses my sister of ‘hiding his pen.’

    Hammie – oh god. well, that’s why your marriage works, eh?

    Patsy and David – I truly don’t know if your marriage can surive the strain of godammit.com. See me privately for counseling.

    Tobi Lynne – This is great news! Can you take a photo?!?!?!

  18. Picodogg Says:

    So I see the nose often, even the first time when you mentioned it out loud (to prime the pump?). And when I mentioned it to my son recently he said yeah Mom says it’s some kind of game and blogged about it. So all I can think of, seeing as how I had no grand plan for it on my part, is that the game is like solitaire.
    But as with all things we can ask the basic question, is the nose hurting anybody? No, well then leave it alone.

  19. Sister Wolf Says:

    Well! That’s the last time I tell that kid a secret!

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