What a Fucking Cunt™

As you all know, Rachel Zoe is claiming to have trademarked the words “I die” and “bananas,” in order to stop some t-shirt designer from making money off her. It’s okay with me, since I usually use the word banana as a singular noun. And I like to say “why can’t I just die?” rather than Rachel’s two word exclamation.

However, I’d like to announce that from now on, the expression What a Fucking Cunt  is my trademark and may only be used accordingly. Just last night, I used the expression to describe Nick Harcourt, a guy who is probably not on your radar but is still a cunt nonetheless.

Did anyone get a little creeped out by my use of the word “radar” just now? I know it bothered me but I used it anyway. I am extremely sensitive to words and word usage, and luckily there is a German word for this trait, sprachgefühl. It’s one of my favorite words, like neurasthenia.

Lately, I’ve been annoyed by the word “epic” used to describe fashion, as in “Oh, that sweater is epic!” Ugh, is my first and second reaction. I want to hear “epic” in conjunction with “Gone with the Wind” or “Moby Dick,” not a fucking sweater. It’s making me sick just thinking about an epic sweater. Make it stop!

Recently, my articulate and argumentative Nephew Wolf agreed with me that the word “grow” is annoying in its current usage as a transitive verb to describe business or government, like “We need to grow this economy.” It just sounds fucked up, doesn’t it?   I was happy to find a usage guide that agreed with me.

Have any words been bothering you lately? How are you feeling about “recessionista” for example?

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32 Responses to “What a Fucking Cunt™”

  1. skye Says:

    I’m still deeply in hate with “vint” for “vintage”. As in, “This epic jacket is my favourite piece of vint.” So awful!

    I’ve been using “bananas” for years, so I thoroughly resent that shrivelled husk Rachel Zoe trademarking it.

    My husband drives me bonkers with his use of the (non) word “gonna”, and for some bizarre reason he pronounces it in the American way (in Australia we would say “gunna”), I hate it. He now defends it on the basis that Barack Obama says “gonna” too.

  2. annemarie Says:

    Sister Wolf, forgive me please– may I please pick three nits?

    1. Language does not remain static over time. If it did, we would all still be speaking like characters from The Canterbury Tales and you would say “queynte” instead of “cunt.” And “cunt” has a much greater ease of use than “queynte,” I am sure you will agree.

    2. When a person says “that sweater is epic,” we know:

    a) that this person either doesn’t know what “epic” means (a matter of education), or truly believes that a sweater can and should be described “epic” (a matter of opinion).
    b) either way is an asshole.

    Therefore, saying “that sweater is epic” is much more informative and expressive than saying “that sweater is pretty.” I don’t like it either, but it’s true. It’s just a silly trend anyway. It will soon suffer the same death as “capital,” “swell,” “wicked” and “top.”

    3. There would be no poetry without verbal disobedience. In this sense, you could say that too much “sprachgefühl” kills “sprachgefühl”; it’s self-inoculating. If read literally, a poem will seem like complete nonsense. How can the grass be “singing”? How can a beauty be “terrible”? How can you feel a “funeral” in your brain? But we need poets to not make sense and remind us that nothing makes sense, that the world doesn’t make sense, that people don’t make sense, and that language, in its essence, does not make sense. Here’s Wallace Stevens (a lawyer, who knew all about rules) putting it better:

    The man bent over his guitar,
    A shearsman of sorts. The day was green.

    They said, “You have a blue guitar,
    You do not play things as they are.”

    The man replied, “Things as they are
    Are changed upon the blue guitar.”

  3. omggmab Says:

    “Irregardless” still bugs the shit out of me. I’ve heard highly educated people use it, which makes me wonder how they managed to get into grad school when they couldn’t handle 5th grade grammer.

  4. HelOnWheels Says:

    The use of “awesome” for rather banal things (similar to your “epic” issue). I want us to take back awesome and use it appropriately: the power and fury of Mother Nature as she displays it through storms, the cosmos, etc. and not to describe a pair of slacks or that frozen yogurt sundae.

    The word “recessionista” bugs the crap out of me because, based on the description, my friends and I have been recessionistas for the last 20+ years. It’s called being an educated consumer, for f**k’s sake!

  5. WendyB Says:

    Thanks re “epic.” Though I hate complaining about it since once in while someone calls one of my jewelry pieces “epic” and I’ll take compliments on jewelry in any form. “Grow” has been annoying me since 1989.

  6. Make Do Style Says:

    I find the word zeitgeist one of those over used and annoyingly applied ones by critics and other writers, although I’m guily of the use of uber far too much. I’m surprise Rachel Zoe knows what a banana is let alone bananas.

  7. K-Line Says:

    Damn, I was just going to start using this until you trademarked it! TM

    I loathe the term “loss leader” and I don’t like “best practices”.

  8. arline Says:

    Another word or phrase, along with those mentioned, is “right?” or two “yeah Right?” Its more the way it is said than anything,

    Yes, and “awesome” is equally annoying.

    AnnMarie is correct, that language is evolving, but people destroy the fun of it all the time.

  9. annemarie Says:

    arline– I don’t know what inspired the long pompous monologue, but once I started I could not be stopped. Please excuse!

    I fucking hate the word “misspoke,” as in: “I’m sorry, I misspoke.” I know this must be a real word because my spell-check didn’t put a red line underneath it, but I honestly presumed it was another stupid neologism. I never heard it being used before Election 08 when it became a weird way of saying “I lied.”

  10. Sister Wolf Says:

    Skye – “vint” would give me a fucking stroke. That is truly horrible. Is your husband trying to provoke you, in which case you might throw vint and epic at him.

    annemarie – I’m not against language being used in an original way…in fact, I have been know to fall in love on account of that! The sprachgefühl just means one is sensitive to language. Like when someone answers “thank you” with “no problem” or even worse, “don’t worry about it.”

    omggmab – That’s just sad.

    HelOnWHeels -I feel the same about awesome. What do you say now when you see the Grand Canyon?

    WendyB – YES! thank you! “grow” is killing me.

    Make-do – There is rarely any excuse for using zeitgeist.

    K-LIne – What about “price point” instead of just “price?”

    Arline – UGH!!!!!!!!!! The worst. It makes the user sound like a village idiot.

    annemaire – “misspoke” is ridiculous. How about “My wife and myself bla bla bla,” I hear celebrities use this and cringe every time.

  11. K-Line Says:

    Ha – Price point, I can handle. Who knows why?

  12. hammiesays Says:

    Emily Dickinson is a cunt – thanks for reminding me Anne-marie. queynte however is my new favourite word, more so when I imagine a fat yank on Grafton Street in a shamrock baseball cap and plaid trousers telling me “you oirish are so quaint”, and me replying that you are the one wearing a shamrock hat you stupid queynte

    (we should be so lucky to have american tourists on Grafton street)

    Sis: I laughed about your post title for 15 minutes before actually clinking on it. (clinking – is that your teeth I can hear grinding?)

    I must follow the call to arms at mispronounciations

    DISORIENT -TAY -TORED, makes me want to rip the hair out of the person saying it and stuff it in their mouths so it clogs their thorax and renders them mute for ever.

    PACIFIC-ally when someone is specifying a point, and I think they should be dragged off and tied to a rock near muraroa atoll until they turn green and their three eyes glow in the dark.

    I will however offer congratulations to the germans for yet another excellent word for which there is no equivalent in english. My other two favourites are Mittelschmerz and of course Shadenfrued.

    Sister wolf, I love you!

  13. nikw Says:

    “live” as used to indicate where something belongs, i.e “That stapler lives on my desk.” gross.

    “shop”…similar to the new disgusting use of grow. i.e. “Mariah’s camp just called….we’ll need to shop out more white flowers tomorrow”

    “in position”…not really incorrect as much as stupid. i.e. “The PA’s are in position.”

    “20”…meaning location. Why? i.e. “Can I get a 20 on the Starbucks?” Just one of those dumb words exclusive to a certain industry that is probably designed for insecure people in said industry to sound smart or important around an industry outsider, such as their mom, person in line trying to ignore them talking on their cell phone, etc. I’ll bet there’s a German word for this phenomenom….

  14. nikw Says:

    oh i meant to say i work in production and this is part of why i want to throw up all day long.

  15. Sister Wolf Says:

    Hammie – I heard someone on TV say “supposably”. (I love you too)

    nikw – god, you poor thing! Ugh! please keep me posted on this horrible industry jargon.

  16. Winter Bird Says:

    Ask ax ask ax ask ax. I rest my case.

  17. serpentine Says:

    “Momentarily” when one means “in a moment”.

    And “take another tact” when one means “tack”.

    “Fulsome” is another one.

  18. serpentine Says:

    I don’t know why we had to invent “gamers” either. Wasn’t “player” sufficient?

    Same thing with “medalled” which was all over the news during the Olympics, e.g. “Belgium has yet to medal”. You mean “win a medal”, you dolt.

  19. serpentine Says:

    Three comments in a row – probably excessive but I just remembered a story about an English teacher discussing the double negative with their class “e.g. there’s not no money in my pocket” and saying that while the double negative -> a positive, there is no case where a double positive -> negative. At which someone in the back of the room said “Yeah, right.” Something about that pleases me.

  20. omggmab Says:

    Recent word that grates my ears, is over used by media and everyone else: “proactive.” What the hell does that mean? Is it the opposite of “conactive?” is something wrong with the word “active?” So many questions, so little time.

  21. Andra Says:

    Lay, lie, laid used incorrectly. “I went to lay on the bed” ….. what, an egg? A tile? Smarten up!
    “That” instead of “who” …. thoroughly lost now I think. “The people THAT live next door” instead of “WHO live next door”.
    What is the percentage of Australians contributing to this blog do you think? Quite a lot apparently.
    Just back from 2 weeks in Papua New Guinea so I need to catch up. Sorry I missed the Pyjama Party but I don’t own any so couldn’t really contribute much there. Own a lot of sarongs though.

  22. Sister Wolf Says:

    winter bird – Well, I admit I like “ax” when Otis Redding sings it. Otherwise, no.

    serpentine – Hahahaha! I love that story! And “medalled” is excruciating.

    Omggmab – I don’t like proactive either. It belongs with “self-starter,” doesn’t it?

    Andra – I don’t know about the Aussies, but I’m with you on the lay/lie thing, also the who/that thing. Have you tried the grammar game at freerice.com? It’s very addictive, just warning you.

  23. Nephew Wolf Says:

    Twenty is not specific to any industry, nor was it “designed for” anybody to sound important. It’s short for 10-20, one of the better known “ten codes” developed by the Association of Public Safety Communication Officials about seventy years ago to help policemen, firemen, and other emergency responders to communicate more quickly over the radio. The codes were quickly adopted by workers in other industries who made extensive use of radio on the job, and some of them were used so frequently that they made their way, in slightly mutated form, into the jargon of those industries. Significantly, one of those industries was trucking. When in the mid-1970s it suddenly became fashionable for members of the general public to buy Citizens Band radios and ape the linguistic mannerisms of long-haul truck drivers, twenty became a household word.

    I wouldn’t bother to point any of this out, but since we’re here to pick nits…

  24. Nephew Wolf Says:

    Oh, and what’s wrong with “misspoke”? Misspeak is a very old and perfectly legitimate word whose meaning has shifted over the centuries (from “speak insultingly” to “speak unclearly or incorrectly”), although its use as a euphemism for “tell a baldfaced lie” is probably improper.

  25. Make Do Style Says:

    I’ve actually just suddenly laughed so much that you TM’d fucking cunt – how funny is that I want to say you funking cunt TM to someone – do you thin the TM bit will soften the blow! I thougth it was funny before but it’s a grower! actually grower is a shit word

  26. San Diego Farmgirl Says:

    Nick Harcourt is a fucking cunt. I think he’s still pissed he didn’t make it past the first round of Duran Duran auditions back in ’80.

    My word snob soapboxes:
    1. It’s a sandwich, not a samwich.
    2. Vice versa, not visa versa
    3. Inappropriate use of apostrophe’s – like that thar

  27. nikw Says:

    nephew wolf- so well spoken. yes i agree with you about 20…i only have a problem with it on set because i know its origins, so i know that no one may actually die if we don’t know the 20 of the director. although some days, i’m not so sure….

  28. nikw Says:

    also i wish our friend–whom i kind of miss– mrs. sarah palin –read this blog and could contribute her two cents.

  29. sam Says:

    For me its ‘space’ instead of room or area
    ‘awesome!’ when I serve a customer at the till
    and ANY management speak……talk normally you freaks!

  30. Mark Says:

    Here’s a few:

    Any sentence beginning with, “In today’s marketplace…”

    ‘Expresso.’

    ‘Piece,’ like when you pick up a Junya Watanabe jacket in the store and the self-important clerk says, “That’s one of my favorite pieces from the season.”

    I don’t like ‘Fucktarded,’ either.

    AM–How does one pronounce the ye olde word for ‘cunt?’

  31. Sister Wolf Says:

    Nephew Wolf – “misspoke” is ruined now, having become a euphemism for lying.

    nikw -If only Mrs. P. would drop by and scold us for sitting around in our pjs, in our parents’ basement!

    sam – UGH! “space” is one of my most-hated of all words, in its current usage. What could be more pretentious???

    Mark – “Piece” is like a knife in my heart. A clerk who uses it should be slapped in the face. I’m not happy with fucktard either. Why use it, when we have perfectly good words like douche, tool, moron, etc etc?

  32. red ghd Says:

    TY for writing th is, it was quite helpful and showed me lots

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