Girdles Part 2: True Fiction

At thirteen, I still had braces on my teeth but I wore a ton of eyeliner to compensate. I was looking for trouble and I found it in an attic apartment occupied by a pair of Dirty Hippies.

The Hippies were both nineteen years old and mine had a handsome baby-face with a goatee. The other one had long stringy hair and a suede fringed jacket that he later gave to my sister. It stunk of tobacco and sweat, and I was always begging to borrow it.

The Hippies taught me how to smoke pot, but I don’t think I did it right. They entertained other middle-class schoolgirls, some in their uniforms, all hoping to establish their coolness in the smoky attic, under the tutelage of the Dirty Hippies, who hung a sheet up to separate their mattresses.

For a while, I struggled to maintain my purity on the filthy bare mattress, but my Hippie found the way to my heart, or I should say girdle, by offering me a cheap ring.

When it happened, it was all about dealing with the girdle. I think I wore the girdle to hold up my stockings, but it’s still a bit of a mystery to me. All I remember was some pain and embarrassment, and his parting directive: “Next time, don’t wear that contraption.”

A few days later, I realized he had given me crabs.

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8 Responses to “Girdles Part 2: True Fiction”

  1. Bex Says:

    You’re brilliant and hilarious, and I love you!

  2. Dexter VanDango Says:

    Ah, romance!

  3. fashion herald Says:

    you tell a story like nobody’s business. and crabs, god, when I got those my metal boyfriend said he got them from a motel room. Uh-huh.

  4. Jill Says:

    Contraptions and Crabs…what’s not to like?!

  5. HelOnWheels Says:

    Nothing says “special first time” like crabs. Thank you, SW. This was a hoot.

  6. Sister Wolf Says:

    Bex – I love you more.

    Dexter – There is a certain romance there, yes.

    fashion herald – Sometimes they say, “a towel.”

    Jill – Hahaha!

    HelOnWheels – Thank you for liking it, xo

  7. Aja Says:

    Sometimes I feel like a boring old late blooming fart for the tragic age I cashed in my v-card. But when I read tales like this, I wipe my brow and sigh with relief.

  8. Mark Says:

    You continue to rule.

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