MTV Awards 2009 Exegesis

kanye-and-taylor

I didn’t see the whole show but so what, I’m still doing the Exegesis.

The best thing this year was Kanye West fucking up Taylor Swift’s acceptance speech. Yes, it was rude, and why not? Taylor Swift is a godawful singer and has made me sick ever since the knowledge of her existence was thrust upon me during an episode of Saturday Night Live. A tall giraffe of a girl with stupid ringlets and inappropriate lipstick, she bleats out her songs in a strained voice that makes my throat constrict in sympathy while wielding an over-sized guitar and playing up to the pederasts in the audience by kneeling down on the floor and flipping her head around.

Yay for Kanye West! He loves to make a scene at awards shows, and he couldn’t have picked a better victim to mess with. Ever since he told the American people on live TV that George Bush doesn’t care about black people, Kanye has been my hero.   Tonight, he won my appreciation for making that big awful girl shut the hell up.

my_little_pony

Beyonce’s performance was fantastic. Her legs were bigger than ever, in her never-ending tribute to My Little Pony. Pink was especially androgynous as she demonstrated her acrobatic prowess during a torch song about a bad relationship. Her boob was out but covered by a nice pasty.

Jay Z performed a rap song while his pants fell down, and Alicia Keyes appeared to understand why he is a star, much to my confusion. When I remarked to my husband that Alicia is gay, he snapped at me, even though it’s not my fault.

Lady Gaga looked ridiculous and thanked “the gays.” Do they like to be called The Gays? You would think she has learned the protocol by now.

Let’s see, what else? Green Day was embarrassing, Janet Jackson looked fierce, and Russel Brand feels no shame about his shapeless flabby arms, which he flailed around to no good effect.

That’s all I remember. Let me know if I forgot anything important.

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43 Responses to “MTV Awards 2009 Exegesis”

  1. Eline Says:

    Imho, what Kanye West did was inappropriate, immature but also incredibly cruel. On one hand I think Kanye is so incredibly ridiculous and so caught up in himself that he doesn’t even SEE just how fucking dimwitted he really is that he can be quite funny but on the other he’s just so fucking lame and yawn-worthy. Does anyone still care about his music ever since he exclaimed he was a god and genius but failed to live up to his own prophecy? And now he wants to draw attention to him by being flaming an innocent girl? I mean, come on, none of those VMA vids and artist are really any good and the whole show is simply built up on politics rather than truly wanting to celebrate someone’s talent. I don’t even KNOW who this girl is but she sure does not deserve a random flaming from such a moron on her one moment of international fame.

  2. Make Do Style Says:

    I’m living my life voraciously through you on this matter since Mr MDS banned MTV in the house, with good reason, he knew not only would I have done an MA on it but I wouldn’t have got dressed, left the house nor pay attention to petit garcon. I like bitesize rubbish.

    BTW I love Kanye West.

  3. sam Says:

    Again I remain blissfully unaware of who the hell Taylor Swift is…..but I dont like her either.
    :o)

  4. Ash Says:

    That entire thing was staged and I cannot believe that anyone would waste their time being mad about it, but it seems they are! Thanks for calling out Taylor Swift on what she is, we do not need anymore crappy country singers anymore than we need more crappy hip-hop artists! Apparently what the American public wants most is a little stupid controversy to talk about. I guess this is more important than some silly healthcare bill getting passed. And Pink is a man. It bothers me.

  5. daniel Says:

    I thought Taylor Swift was a porn star, what a disappointment.

  6. Braindance Says:

    I have not seen the awards, nor is Taylor Swift on my radar, and my usless trivia radar is usually pretty good.
    Kanye is a genius fool, I also put him in king status after his George Bush dont care about black people tv gold. Do you remember Mike Myers face? Top quality Kanye in action. And the way he pounds the caps lock on his blog in Turquoise letters, makes my eyes go wobbly just thinking about it.

    My fav Kanye rants:

    WHY WONT YOU LET ME BE GREAT!!!
    LET ME BE GREAT!!!

    THANK YOU PARIS ONCE AGAIN… BECAUSE GENIUS LOVES COMPANY

    I AM NUCLEAR ENERGY!!

    I WILL SPARK A GENERATION OF THINKERS WHO WILL QUESTION TRADITIONAL THOUGHT UNTIL THEY FIND THE ABSOLUTE TRUTH

  7. Ann Says:

    Mr. Ann was channel surfing and thankfully, he only occasionally landed on the VMA’s, so I missed the Kanye bum-rush of the stage. I learned about it later, when Facebook and Twitter blew up with people’s outrage. I had 2 thoughts: either it was staged OR it was an indication that Kanye was following Lesson 1 of the syllabus to PR 101, whereupon any publicity is good publicity. Lesson 2, of course, is the apology, which he launched on his blog immediately following the incident. All caps, natch.

    The one part I did see while Mr. Ann was channel surfing was Beyonce shaking her junk in that sequined bodysuit. Again, I had 2 thoughts: I thought her body looked amazing AND I also thought she must be grateful for the support hose she was wearing.

  8. fashion herald Says:

    oh, missed it all thanks to a gorgeous Tuleh show and the remastered Spartacus DVD we’ve been watching all wknd, Olivier’s gay seduction scene and all. But very similar melodrama, I bet, just no great acting from the likes of Laughton and Ustinov

    well said about “the gays.”

  9. Dane Says:

    Im not Taylor fan, but I have a 14 year old sister and if she was accepting her first award for anything and someone like Kanye would do that to her I would put a cap in his you know what for being a douchebag.. who cares if her music sucks, Kanye did not have to act the way he did.

  10. WendyB Says:

    I don’t know about “the gays” in general, but my main gays usually like to be called my “main gays” except for one gay who is in denial and prefers to be called “straight.” Anyway, Kanye is a gay fish gone bad.

  11. Alicia Says:

    Sounds about right to me.

    Janet was fucking awesome. I loved the tribute.

  12. hammie Says:

    Sorry, like Kate I do not tune in to MTV but can you explain exactly how Pink managed to stick a pasty on to her boob. Or is a pasty in america different?
    (here it is a vegetable and minced meat pastry thing you bake in an oven and eat with tomato sauce)

    God now I feel really old.

    xx

  13. Dani Says:

    People need to quit being haters! Like hating on Taylor Swift is’nt going to get you anywhere and just bcause you suck does’nt mean you have to blame it on everyone else ! Taylor Swift is an awesome singer and a beautiful girl..Kanye West is ignorant and prejudice I have always had a feeling that he was prejudice and he proved himself at the VMA’s but yet he wants to cry about other people being prejudice get the fuck over it you fuckin cry baby and learn how to sing before u make another song Kanye!!

  14. Constance Says:

    Never heard of Taylor, but Kanye is a douche for doing that to the girl. And his girlfriend of his is off the scale in skankyness.

  15. Mark Says:

    I watched the “George Bush doesn’t care about black people” video today. While it was a brilliant stunt and a truthful and brave pronouncement, Kanye West is way too stupid to speak in public. It’s better if he just keeps his mouth shut.

    Until today, I thought Taylor Swift was an actress on a show like Gossip GIrl or the new 90210.

  16. JK Says:

    Dani?

    Good thing you’ve got great health insurance and your proctologist works such long hours.

    Anyway, he called.

    The MRI revealed where your head is.

  17. Aja Says:

    You must be the only person on this earth applauding Kanye West right now. And that is why I love you.

  18. Aja Says:

    Oh and Dani you sound worse than a Kanye tirade. Wah wah wah wah wah.

  19. JK Says:

    Oh, one other thing (maybe attributable to uour brain location Dani) the proper placement for those pesky apostrophes is between the “N’s” and the “t’s.”

    Sister wolf provides a valuable service in her calling attention to the obviously inane and I suspect if you were a public figure or in any but a Nick Nolte mugshot type photo-shoot you’d probably qualify as good material for a Sister Wolf expose’.

  20. Braindance Says:

    I cannot help myself, here is some more mac book pounding:

    LIKE WAYNE SAYS PLEASE DON’T SHOOT ME DOWN CAUSE I’M FLYING!

    THEY TRIED 2 GIVE ME A TIME SLOT WERE IT WAS STILL LIGHT OUTSIDE … I HAVE A FUCKING LIGHT SHOW DUMB ASS, IT’S NOT CALLED GLOW IN THE DARK FOR NO REASON SQUID BRAINS!

    I’M A REAL PERSON. I’M NOT A POP STAR. I DON’T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING BUT MAKING GREAT ART. NEVER COME 2 ONE OF MY SHOWS EVER AGAIN, YOU’RE NOT INVITED AND IF YOU SEE ME…BOW!! THIS IS NOT POP, IT’S POP ART!

    What is there not to love? Kanye is my kind of narcissist.

  21. Bevitron Says:

    Damn, I’m really sorry I missed all that! I don’t know who the hell any of those people are, but I like a good psychodrama, staged or otherwise. So what did this West person do, run up and yank a statuette away from the giraffe girl? What does she do, sing? Does he sing or does he just go to awards shows and make big scenes? Anyway it sounds like it was kind of exciting. This blog is SO expanding my little world. I love it!

  22. Braindance Says:

    Bevitron, let me help. As we can all ascertain, I am morbidly fascinated with Kanye West. He is a rapper/genius of self-promotion & belief in the fiction of his own greatness…
    I know not who Taylor Swift is. He bum rushed the stage and told her that she was s.h.i.t.e, in his own unique way.
    But then he ruined it all by saying sorry, in caps lock & turquoise, natch.

  23. Juri Says:

    Since some weird brand of influenza (swine?) has kept me more or less down since Friday, and still is, I’ve missed out on many of important news such as this one but I have tried to follow some of them. Let’s see.

    I have no idea as to who that blonde girl is. This was the first time I heard about her and I still haven’t seen her video or heard her song. I have no immediate plans for doing so either.

    No matter what Kanye, I AM THE VOICE OF MY GENERATION [of thirty-somethings with growing up issues] TYPING IN ALL CAPS AT 32, West said about the goofy child president and black people, I cannot find anything positive to say about him or his music. I find his rants entertaining, though.

    I’m afraid I must agree with someone at buddyhead who referred to KW as “the walking personification of Tourette’s syndrome,” and suggested that the MTV security guards are forced to “Kanye-proof every event like it’s a picnic about to get crashed by a Hip-Hop version of Grandpa Simpson.”

    I also found Anna Pickard’s conspiracy theoryin the guardian pretty tempting:

    “You know what? Call me a crazy internet conspiracist, but I call this whole thing staged. Swift comes out of this more vulnerable and loveable than ever, Beyoncé gets props for her grace and generosity after she brought Swift on to complete her speech later in the evening, Leno gets a boost to his brand new, five-times-a-week chatshow. And West? Well, it’s been hard for him. His mother died, and he hasn’t taken any time off. He’s a celebrity. And now he’s a little celebritier.”

    As to the rest of the cast, I’m glad I missed the show. Jay-Z, Russel Brand and Green Day in the same show sounds a bit too much for me to endure at my current condition. Shouting “if I want to see the Clash I watch the Clash and not some stupid looking chubby in a bad racoon make-up and a big-nosed drummer” at my tv would probably have finished me and I wouldn’t have any spite left for Jay-something’s pants or Russels gums and flabby arms.

    Also too, I hope all is well with you and your loved ones.

  24. alittlelux Says:

    i felt bad for her. it was like watching my little sister cry, which is akin to watching small baby kittens being stomped on. i don’t care for her music, but she’s just so tall and awkward i just felt for her. i got very big sister protective when i saw it all happen.

  25. rudyzarsov Says:

    What a carry on about nothing IMO the two worst music genres are country and rap, in that order.

    Rap is the only way a man can get away with calling an african american women a “mofo nigger bitch”. Maybe that’s why it attracts the type of person it does.

    And country is about “me truck broke down and me dawg up and died and thats why I’m runnin late for my true loves hangin’” type music.

    So, I’ve never hears of either of these “stars” so who really cares.

  26. Moda Says:

    I have to agree with alittleux – it was bad. I wanted to push Kanye off the stage in that silly way that men do that pushing turn taking kind of thing.

    Also, it was an enjoyable Exegesis Sister, thanks.

  27. JK Says:

    http://scienceblogs.com/cortex/2007/12/country_music_and_suicide.php

  28. Aja Says:

    Rudyzarsov it would seem all you know about is horribly bad mainstream music, made to sell records. You assume that what you hear is the norm for entire genres. Educate yourself and until then, SHUT UP.

  29. Sister Wolf Says:

    Eline – But she DOES deserve it!

    Make Do – If only you would do an MA on it!

    sam – Good, you won’t be sorry.

    Ash – She is a man. I actually love her voice though.

    daniel – Give her time.

    Braindance – Ha, you go, Kanye!

    Ann – Yes, Beyonce is incredible. Can we get those support hose too??

    fashion herald – Mmmm, Sparticus! Next, you should rent Lawrence of Arabia.

    Dane – Please trust me, that girl is not anyone’s 14 yr old sister. She is a badly crafted product designed to lure young girls into wearing ringlets. The only thing Kanye could have done to make me happier is smash a pie in her face.

    WendyB – Don’t be mean to Kanye, he lost his Mama!

    Alicia – She was totally awesome.

    Hammie – Shit, I meant ‘pastie.’

    Dani – No no no, people need to KEEP ON hating.

    Constance – Try watching a video of Taylor Swift before you make a decision.

    Mark – You’re wrong about Kanye. He gets lifetime points for the Bush statement. And there’s a “Taylor Momsen” who is also around somewhere, maybe she’s a gossip girl.

    JK – Poor Dani is confused.

    Aja – I can’t believe I’m alone in this! What the hell is wrong with everyone?!

    JK – Thank you, sir.

    Braindance – Amen.

    Bevitron – Just stay here and you will catch up. xo

    Juri – Ooh, I love the conspiracy theory. And I wish you lived in my house so we could yell at the TV together! You are so much more eloquent. xo

    alittlelux – PLEASE don’t feel bad for that horrible girl. She is a complete fake through and through. Even her teeth are fake.

    rudy – Country music can be exquisite, but not the crap you hear on the radio, that’s just crap.

    Moda- My pleasure!

    JK – Hahaha, very silly! I liked the comments.

    Aja – rudy needs to tell us what music he likes. Go on, rudy, let’s have it!

  30. JK Says:

    AhHa My Dear Sister Wolf,

    I had to go back and look while I was fairly sober (the memory of Taylor Swift helped)

    “Maybe sad white people with suicidal tendencies to begin with are drawn to country music (as well as to whisky, loose women and heartbreak) because it reinforces their worldview and experience, but this identification doesn’t make them feel better and eschew suicide. In other words, maybe the relationship is not one of causality but rather one of affinity.

    Posted by: peggy

    Sister Wolf?

    I realize this isn’t totally fair (but it is bed-wetting Doof we’re bad-mouthing-who is curretly in Czechloslavakia, Check o’ Swiftia, Proddingdufftia – whatever) hell, like Dani, I can’t recall where the apostrophes go.

    Anyway, didn’t peggy say the opposite thing twice?

    I liked the comments too my xxx xoxo I’d rather not type it but I’d quote it, “Hope springs eternal.”

  31. Jill Says:

    I missed the VMA’s…I was boinking my husbands brains out for his big AARP birthday…shhhh…don’t tell anyone. He likes to think he’s still 25. I try to make him feel like he is!

    We read the paper the next morning about Kanye and Taylor…the husband said…”isn’t that the chick that sings about her rival wearing short shorts and she wears t-shirts?” “I’d bang the chick in the short shorts anyday”. (how he knows this pop trivia shit and is able to form an opinion, I will never fathom)

    “The Gays” is just fucking rude in my opinion…I tend to call mine “my sexy men” cause they are all so damn nice to look at.

  32. rudyzarsov Says:

    I’m in love with Lilly Allen at the moment.

  33. rudyzarsov Says:

    Dear aja

    You sound like an American Republican, disagree and the only response is “shut up”. When you learn enough to be able to put together a logical argument, please let me know

    love
    rudy
    xxxx

  34. Aja Says:

    Dear rudyzarsov,

    Lily Allen . . . way to catch that ship good and early. I guess I simply wanted an explanation as to your offensive, judgemental comments. Why you think,

    “Rap is the only way a man can get away with calling an african american women a “mofo nigger bitch”. Maybe that’s why it attracts the type of person it does.

    And country is about “me truck broke down and me dawg up and died and thats why I’m runnin late for my true loves hangin’” type music.” ?

    Do you know of Little Brother, Madvillain, De La Soul, Q Tip, The Roots, Mos Def? Any of those African American rap/hip hop artist who deliver uplifting, thought provoking fabulously underrated music? No . . . because you’re busy shooting off at the mouth and listening to whatever is cleverly marketed to you in nice packaging. Oh and by the way, on a couple of Lily Allen’s songs like “Knock ‘Em Out” her style of delivering lyrics would be considered pretty similar to rap music because the song is mostly spoken word. But you wouldn’t ever string those two thoughts together, because you’re an idiot.

    And what about country? Do you know the origins of country? How it’s derivative of folk music? How there are plenty of songs about heartbreak but many songs about every day living and making the best of things? No . . . because you’re shooting off at the mouth. Quite frankly some of the country genre is fairly uplifting and beautiful. It’s a shame ignorant people (such as yourself) never give it a try before judging it. I’d be willing to bet, you probably enjoyed a Jewel song or two in the nineties. Guess what she’s one step away from? Any other brilliant thoughts, dumbass? Didn’t think so.

    Love,

    Aja

    PS- Liberal for life motherfucker.

  35. Aja Says:

    PPS – Once again, please, please, please educate yourself and then hit me back. I’m ready for you.

  36. Aja Says:

    My god that was far too easy . . .

  37. Sister Wolf Says:

    Great country artists: Hank Williams, the Louvin Brothers, Emmylou Harris, Townes Van Zandt, Willie Nelson, Gram Parsons.

  38. Aja Says:

    Johnny Cash!

  39. rudyzarsov Says:

    aja
    I am so glad that amongst all the vitriol that you have a sense of humour. Johnny Cash!!!!!!. hahahaha I haven’t laughed so much in ages.

  40. rudyzarsov Says:

    Here’s an example of what I like as well.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kj-sFIHQWLY

  41. Aja Says:

    Rudyzarsov,

    Your responses are formed as a politician answers questions they don’t want to answer, with distractions and no real answer. Did you study the way Sarah Palin delivers speeches as a reference? Clearly you have nothing to say and I was absolutely right to write you off as a fool. It almost hurts to be this right about someone so blindly stubborn in regards to their own ignorance. As I said before, this is way too easy. I argued and you gave me bullshit (and I absolutely expected it).

    - Aja

  42. Aja Says:

    Will you ever answer my questions in regards to why your hateful, rude, nasty, unfactually supported comments were credible or worth posting? No. Probably not.

  43. Leah Says:

    oh sister wolf. I adore you but I also adore Taylor Swift. I do understand what you say about her though. The only thing I don’t get is your gripes about her hair. It’s gorgeous! Keep on keeping on!

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