The Mother Animal

mother-wolf

This is not a Mom Blog, but Sister Wolf is nothing if not a mother.   And nothing makes a mother feel more like an animal than when her child is in danger.

My child has been in the hospital for just over two weeks. It has gone from terrible to better to good, and back to terrible. From critical condition to stable condition. Then back to critical.

I’ve noticed that all my animal instincts have been activated. I have never felt more rage. I was ready to kill.   I threatened to kill more than once. When I encountered an incompetent nurse, I appealed to the head of administration to keep her away from my son. We haven’t seen her again.

I have stayed up all night on sheer adrenalin. I’ve been scared to death and maintained my composure.

Now I have to deal with some fucking idiots who pumped my kid full of opiates and then reduced them so quickly that he went into serious withdrawal, which was the most horrible thing I have ever witnessed.   Fuckers! Why can’t I kill them?

All I can do is watch over him and do my best to make sure that one of the best hospitals in the US doesn’t make another mistake.

When I sit beside his bed, I love him as much as the day he was born. I could look at his face for hours, and I do. I love the way he smells, even when it’s awful. I am flooded with maternal adoration. I wish he had fleas so I could pick them out of his fur.

I will probably take this post down soon enough, but for anyone interested, that’s the current situation.   In my exhaustion, I asked my husband to help me organize my priorites.   Here is my list:

1. Get Max well.
2. Drink water.
3. Revenge.

I may lose my appetite for revenge, but I did have the brilliant idea of keeping a water pistol in my handbag. Why didn’t I ever think of this before?! When someone makes me mad, I can just squirt them in the face!

I guess neccessity really is the mother of invention. And mothers in crisis are not to be fucked with.

44 Responses to “The Mother Animal”

  1. arline Says:

    I am not a mother, but I feel like a mama bear when it comes to my nieces. I am so sorry you and your family have to go through your trauma.

    The powerless feeling is probably the worst of all, which makes the ups and downs so exhausting,

    In a hospital, incompetence is unacceptable.

    Use the water postol, that is a brilliant idea.

    Try to take care of yourself too.

    We will keep sending you and Max good thoughts.

  2. sarah.p Says:

    There are no words, sister. All the love and goodness I can muster. XXXXX

  3. skye Says:

    Shite, so sorry to hear things are worse again – and really pissed off to hear about such a rotten mistake being made too.

    Lots of love to you and your cub.

  4. home girl Says:

    your situation sounds unbearable. i’m amazed and very impressed that you are keeping your sense of humour. i hope with all my heart that your son improves again. i imagine that having your energy by his side will surely be very improtant to this healing process. hope people are looking after you too mamma xx

  5. JK Says:

    AMLTY&Y’s.

    Be that Mother that mine was. She was a complete bitch (at first with others – then with me) but she had a certain awareness. A very certain awareness, she made others, initially.

    And then she wheeled me into the shower each day.

    She made me what I’ve become – I didn’t realize it in my earliest years, I didn’t know patience for some decades – I know patience now.

    Whisper to your child constantly, especially now – very especially now.

    At least that’s the version my loved Mom gave me after I got to the point I knew I should be wiping my own ass – yet couldn’t.

    I wish I could make promises Sister Wolf. You’ve been so good to me. All that I can do is think of you like I do my own Mom.

    And then be there if you need me.

  6. JK Says:

    Having some experience I add:

    be there when your son (if you request) needs me.

  7. K-Line Says:

    Sister: Man this is wretched. I am giving you lots of positive thoughts right now. I’ve been hoping things were all going from good to better. This set back must be incredibly hard on you all. I have confidence that your kid is going to get better. You are a great mother. xo

  8. Tobi Lynne Says:

    So sorry, Sister. Keeping you and your boy in my thoughts …

  9. Lauren Says:

    Sister, well wishes to your son and to you! xoxo

  10. honeypants Says:

    I am so sorry things have taken a turn for bad again. He’s lucky he has you there to protect him though. And that’s really important. Love, love, love, and all the best vibes I can transmit to y’all.

  11. rudyzarsov Says:

    I hope your son is better very soon. There’s nothing like a mothers love, is there?

  12. jools Says:

    Oh Sister! Poor you and poor Max! He must get well and he will get well. I am sending you both all the love the internets can hold.

  13. Jill Says:

    White Light, chica.

  14. WendyB Says:

    I’m sorry that he got worse again…you definitely should be able to kill anyone who fucks with you during this time.

  15. Iheartfashion Says:

    You are a fantastic mother. Max is lucky to have you.
    What a terrible mistake. I’ve got my own awful tales of hospital incompetence, but hope there’s no more of it for you, and Max can be out of there soon!

  16. Juri Says:

    Sadly, Im so much better at insults and sarcasm than words of comfort or encouragement and I suck at positive energy. I wish I could turn into a Hallmark man for a minute, and find genuine words to my compassion.

    Since I cant, I say: sling that waterpistol if it helps you, and give your meanest squirt at anyone you feel deserves it. Wetting a few innocent bystanders won’t matter.

    You and your son are in my thoughts, and my best possible wishes go out to you. Critical is better than dead! Here’s to a permanent turn for the better.

    Juri Hallmark

  17. Deni Says:

    I wish the best for Max! Take care of yourself too. You need to be well so you can take care of Max. Sending good thoughts and well wishes your way! Stay strong and be positive!

  18. dewayne Says:

    if i lived anywhere near you i would stand outside the room and look menacing, so that the incompetent doctors and nurses would think twice before coming anywhere near that room. i can be horrifying when i need to, but most of the time i’m silly and huggable. go figure. since i can’t, i guess i’ll say put soapy water in the pistol and aim for the eyes. you’re doing an excellent job, and i am sending my best wishes in you and max’s general direction.

  19. Stella Mayfair Says:

    my thoughts go out to you and your max. hope he’ll be well soon.

  20. Vee Says:

    It’s dreadful when hospitals forget that their patients are not simply “Patient #xxx” but real human beings with feelings and people who care about them. They start treating patients like cars in an auto repair shop – tweak here, pump in something there, twist here, quick as possible to get it out the door and make room for the next.

    Your son is very lucky to have you at his side to remind those doctors and nurses whom they’re dealing with!

    I send you my best wishes and fervent prayers, and do take a few moments to care for yourself as well!

  21. Bevitron Says:

    Oh, Sister Wolf, how well I know the hospital vigil — the exhaustion, the dealing with people who see you as an impediment to performing their job (occasionally incompetently, as you described), the way the “normalcy” of life wears tissue thin, the whole devouring love/anguish thing. I ouch for you, big time.

    All I can say is do like everyone has said and take care of yourself all you can; do everything you can to not feel helpless. Question everything. And you know what, I’d say don’t ever take that post down, there’s strength there.

  22. alittlelux Says:

    you are a good momma! i’ll come down there and help you kill them.

  23. Antoinette Coll Says:

    It’s private, it’s painful and just bloody awful what’s going on at the moment. I really will keep you both in my thoughts and send healing light your way.
    Ranting and raving helps me so rant on if needs be, maybe ditch the water pistol idea and just key their cars. ( Just messing ! )Don’t let them grind you down.
    Antoinette in Dublin.

  24. Sonia Luna Says:

    I can’t even begin to imagine how you must be feeling right now, my thoughts are with you and Max. Stay strong!

  25. Caitlin Says:

    you expect people to be less cunt-ish in such situations. but they’re not – they are their usual massive ignorant twat-heads and you have to be around them. if you get a water pistol make sure its one of those high-powered machine gun type contraptions

    xx

  26. Aja Says:

    Wishing your son a speedy recovery and you peace and competent nurses. Email me if you need to rant. xo.

  27. Alicia Says:

    I saw this same thing happen with my grandmother earlier this year. Stay strong, Sis and keep that squirt gun handy. They’ll make you want to choke the life out of them.

  28. marmalde wombat Says:

    this is terrible. fuck the stupid hospital. xoxoxo wish you and your family lots and lots of love and will try to use the power of my mind to will the universe onto your side! * squints with concentration* UGHHHHHN

  29. Sister Wolf Says:

    You have no idea how comforting your words are. You cyberspace comrades are like a beautiful pillow of support, and I am truly grateful. It takes a village – and I feel like I’ve got one. xoxo

  30. Make Do Style Says:

    Good list and like the water pistol number. I know exactly what you mean about the maternal thing. I’d kill too.

    xxx

  31. fashionherald Says:

    Get one of those huge water pistols. And continue doing what you’re doing: question everything, drive them crazy, sweet talk the good ones and ban the bad. People, even the best, make mistakes. I’m so sorry he’s critical again, FUCK. And many, many, hugs and positive thoughts going out to you and your family. And if you run out of deals to make with the powers that be, I’ll start cooking a few up here back east.

  32. sam Says:

    Ah, mother nature, what a powerful invention!
    Best wishes for you and yours x

  33. Bex Says:

    Oooo one of those Nerf things!! My thoughts are with you and your family, Sis.

  34. Chip Smith Says:

    Thoughts and hope. That’s all I have. Good luck to you and your cub, Sister.

  35. Sister Wolf Says:

    Tomorrow is another surgery and I am very worried and anxious. Thank you again for the good thoughts & encouragement. xoxo

  36. Sal Says:

    Holy hell. I missed this one, but see that Max is going in for more surgery today … I’ll be sending all my good vibes his way. And yours.

  37. jools Says:

    Sending all the love the internets can carry….xo,j

  38. Ann Says:

    Sending love and strong thoughts your way today for Max’s surgery, and going forward as well. Researching finest water guns available and will report back soon. Wringing my hands with worry and concern for both you and Max.

    Oh, and I also staunchly stand by you in your desire for revenge…whoever the dolt was who over-medicated Max with opiates should be shot on sight. No jury would convict.

    Much love to you, Sister.

  39. meredith Says:

    i hope things turn around again. i am all too aware of what goes on in hospitals. you put your trust and in them, but they don’t realize how much you really depend on them to watch for you and your loved ones. my grandmother was givin someone elses medicine in a hospital two years ago, with the same first name. they just checked her first name and assumed it was hers. like duh.

  40. WCGB Says:

    OH GAWD – didn’t read this post prior to my comment on Hospital Life. It was just too good to believe you didn’t have a horrible hospital story and sure enough…you do. I hope you’re able to spring Max from the joint soon.

  41. kate Says:

    sister wolf and family – hospitals SUCK deeply. I curse those who stuffed up your boy’s meds. . . . all the good thoughts in the universe wing their way to you.

  42. cybill Says:

    My 24 year old nephew, lying broken in a hospital bed and unable to speak due to a tracheostomy was badly treated by a nurse. My protection mode was activated – I couldn’t take it. Outraged, I spoke angrily to the nurse, after which my beautiful nephew made me go apologize.
    Keep the water pistol in your bag just in case, but make sure you go for a walk or something too – just for the perspective it gives and the anger it dissolves. Wishing you nothing but the best – you will get through this.

  43. Sandy Says:

    A water pistol? That`s why you are my iodol! Wishing everyone to come home soon. XX

  44. hammie Says:

    Ah Fuck it. I am such a selfish bitch. Why wasn’t I around watching to see that everything was improving, I’m so sorry.

    Love to you and your boys. xx

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