For the Bad-Writing Enthusiast
Not too long ago, I applied for a job at the Refinery 29 blog. They offered me an interview but the job turned out to be in New York. Reading the following post, I realize that I couldn’t write such awful prose even with a gun to my head. It is simply beyond my capability. Ready, set, go:
We’re no newbies to fake tattoos, though it’s safe to say that the glittery unicorns and branded stick-ons from the local bank we used to apply don’t really garner us the same cred as the ones shown on this season’s runway. Delicate bracelets and chains were drawn onto the models at SChanel, and Gaultier paired his spring line with lettered prison tats. Rodarte went for the full monty and Sharpie’d the models’ arms and necks in full Maori effect. Less permanent than really getting pricked, but still pretty badass, we have a feeling that a little hand-drawn ink will start making its way off the runway and onto your arms, chests, and legs.
Jesus, whew!
Maybe my ears are too sensitive, but this just seems aggressively bad in every way: it’s pretentious, hokey, cutesy and irritating. Is it standard fashion writing, or is it setting a new standard?
Who wants to count the language crimes? I’ll start with the first sentence. “Garner”, “newbies” and “cred” are all unforgivable. For extra credit, try making it even worse, if that’s possible!
Tags: awful words, blogs
October 12th, 2009 at 11:14 pm
It’s just so awkward in every way. I like the fact that all that palaver boils down to this:
draw on yourself with pen, kids!
October 12th, 2009 at 11:47 pm
what’s schanel? this can’t be serious! let’s start an internet street gang (biggie and tupac and be in it) and do something about it…
October 12th, 2009 at 11:56 pm
They are in the clutches of Dr Z.
October 13th, 2009 at 1:00 am
“Less permanent than really getting pricked, but still pretty badass”????
Maybe someone did hold a gun or a prick to Connie Wang’s head when she wrote this. Nobody in her right mind would say that “lettered prison tats”, or “going for the full monty” by having the models’ arms and necks “Sharpie’d in full Maori effect”, could be as “badass” as glittery unicorns, or “garner the same cred” as branded stick-ons from the local bank.
October 13th, 2009 at 4:04 am
Oh…I know this one! A drunken bulimic on uppers trying to do Philip K. Dick writing for Sassy Magazine. So much vomit. Lucky you not having to write for “Da Pipeline.” Sounds like they could sooner use a plumber.
October 13th, 2009 at 4:23 am
The idea that they’re actually suggesting we draw on ourselves as an accessory is baffling to me. What are we, bored thirteen year olds in a biology lesson?
October 13th, 2009 at 4:29 am
I am rotfl!!! What a treat to start my long day! Thanks!
October 13th, 2009 at 4:46 am
Thanks, for the morning laugh. I cannot wait to see the morons walking around with “Sharpie tattoos” so I can point and laugh. It is sad that a “fashion blogger” cannot spell the name of the fashion label she is writing about.
October 13th, 2009 at 5:51 am
I couldn’t get past the 10 words.
October 13th, 2009 at 5:51 am
The first 10 words, I mean. I’m as bad as they are but my excuse is 2 hours of sleep.
October 13th, 2009 at 5:51 am
It’s very uncomfortable and flows so poorly. I don’t think I can accurately comment on the atrocity of it; the writer appears to have usurped all of the world’s commas. See? I even had to use a semicolon in my sentence as there are no commas left!
All kidding aside, I assure you that no hand-drawn ink will be making its way off the runway and onto my arms, chests, and legs.
And big ups to Kate for giving me the new phrase I am going to use to describe dumb bitches: “drunken bulimic on uppers.”
October 13th, 2009 at 6:25 am
Urgh. Like having a mouthful of pebbles. And apparently someone has an obsession with the delayed clause.
October 13th, 2009 at 6:27 am
Sorry: a mouthful of pebbles, is what it is like. And an obsession with the delayed clause is apparently someone’s.
October 13th, 2009 at 6:40 am
Tribal tats are EPIC!
October 13th, 2009 at 7:24 am
Tats are making a comeback as one of the biggest investment trend! Get one before the trend is over!
October 13th, 2009 at 7:31 am
I’m certain that tattoos are now making into the genetic code. Those model’s children will have blotches of Sharpie like color on their delicate baby skin. I wonder if that will make them a new race?
The writing? Cannot comment on such gibberish. FFFF for a grade!
October 13th, 2009 at 7:33 am
Sorry, should have written “models’ children.” Damned apostrophes!
October 13th, 2009 at 7:39 am
Fuck me dead! The sentence structure is deplorable.
October 13th, 2009 at 8:00 am
After that shit, I’m permanently pricked. Anybody know a good malpractice lawyer?
October 13th, 2009 at 9:08 am
maybe… it’s possible…i’m still trying to figure out why people tell me they come to my blog for the writing, i was art student who failed high school english TWICE, hate editing, i can barely make a complete sentence, and am still intensely addicted to writing in the passive voice.
whatever… don’t worry about it, new york is fantastic, but in a few months, you’ll be so happy you’re in LA.
October 13th, 2009 at 9:43 am
The only way that could be worse if someone commented how anti-jesus temporary tattoos are…or maybe shit like that only happens to me.
October 13th, 2009 at 5:41 pm
“…i’m still trying to figure out why people tell me they come to my blog for the writing, i was art student who failed high school english TWICE, hate editing, i can barely make a complete sentence, and am still intensely addicted to writing in the passive voice. …”
No shit? !! Really? !! Maybe it is because…
“…i was art student who failed high school english (demonstrably fucking) “TWICE?”…”
I do wonder why …
Oh Dear Lord Crap Sister, give us something beside this shit… not even Duff himself would subject us to this stuff.
October 13th, 2009 at 7:39 pm
Diabolical. This is a demonstration of what too much online shopping can do to the mind.
October 14th, 2009 at 11:04 am
HAHAHAHAHA! I LOVE your blog and that you have “patrons”
Great.
October 14th, 2009 at 2:40 pm
So now my shopping list that I write on my hand is fashion? Oh how I love this mother earth.
xx
Sis, you should be blogging and tweeting and facebooking for money.
October 15th, 2009 at 7:16 am
I think they’re trying to sound “hip”. They really didn’t say “Schanel” did they? Because if they did, how did they even get a job writing about fashion?
You are right. “Garner” is unforgiveable. It’s like they went into a thesaurus and picked the first synonym they saw, regardless of its contextual use. Next thing you know, these girls(boys?) are going to be dressing up “big” with “capacious”.
October 15th, 2009 at 8:37 am
I could not read it, my brain just blanked it out. I am too un trendy I think to understand what the frigg they are going on about.
Seriously, I am unsure just what it is they are trying to convey. Tattoos are cool or are they not in the world of a-holes? Just plain odd.
Glad you are back Sister Wolf, bringing these things to our attention, I would like to do the same, and give you my gift of the website called Regretsy. Laugh? I nearly shat myself.
My, what a beautiful image, I blame the fact that I am still number crunching at going home time.
And I can’t even say nuts to this, I’m going home, because I am at bloody home.
October 16th, 2009 at 4:39 pm
my dear. a few days with no posts. i hope everything you and your’s are ok. thinking of you xoxo
October 23rd, 2009 at 1:02 pm
Thinking of you, saintly creature. ‘It is a human universe’, and mr capote like all of us, is still a correspondent…show him the big ashkenazi love you carry around so lightly. You are great. x [Did i get the right Jew type?]
October 26th, 2009 at 12:46 am
it’s fashion spaz write. it happens after too many cupcakes in too tight jeans. be gentle with the fashion flowers, they know not what terror they bring to civilization.
i dunno… was there really something so great going on on planet earth that we are actually wrecking it now. people thought shakespeare was messing with the lingo too. face it, we’re a mess.
October 26th, 2009 at 12:46 am
i just compared them to Shakespeare… oh ya…