Archive for November, 2009

Styling is Everything

Monday, November 30th, 2009


Whenever I get email updates from Pixie Market, I dutifully click to see their new arrivals, and inevitably I am horrified. It’s not the items they sell, but how they are put together.   Why would anyone want any of the garments in the pictures above?

Let’s say I wanted a floppy white sweater. After seeing it as part of this horrible ensemble, ugh, forget it! Why the dead animal boots and the stupid hat?


Look at this Pixie Market girl. I can’t remember which item is supposed to be on display…the jacket, maybe?…but the horrible styling just repels me. Is the stylist blind or is she having a little private laugh?

More and more, I’m aware that it’s the styling I respond to, not the product.   The styling is everything; it promotes a fantasy you want to buy into, if it succeeds. If it fails, as in Pixie Market, there’s almost no way you’ll spend your money.


Here’s some trousers I’ve been ogling for weeks.   Don’t worry, I’m broke. But I’m drawn to the trousers because of the elegant no-nonsense styling. This girl says to me, “If you buy these trousers, you’ll be a young Lauren Bacall, so carefree that your shirt cuffs won’t even match! You’ll be sloppy but pulled together! You’ll get to wear your men’s shoes but still exude confident femininity!”

This brand, Hope, really knows what they’re doing.   Whereas the Pixie Market people, I’m not getting their message unless it’s “Buy this stuff if you wanna look not only unsophisticated but also blind and crazy!”

“The Cool Thing About God”

Monday, November 30th, 2009

I’m sorry, I just can’t enough of this crazy bitch!   She’s so full of shit when she talks about her “faith!.”   Please enjoy.

Stuff You Need: Another SW Fundraiser

Sunday, November 29th, 2009


Okay, you know the drill.   Here is a chance to buy something from Sister Wolf’s Hoarded Fashion Collection .

Funds must be raised. So here is a vintage charm necklace by Kenneth Jay Lane, an original from the late 70s and not one of his newer copies of his earlier designs. The chain is 24 inches long and the longest charm is 4 inches long.


It is awesome, as you can see. $120 plus $5 shipping in the US.


Yes, my arms are veiny, eoow, try to focus on the beautiful cuff by Tulla Booth, an artist and photographer who made some jewelry in the 80s. This cuff is gold-dipped and set with real stones. 2 1/2 inches wide and best for a slim wrist. Signed on the inside. $120 plus $5 shipping in the US.


Antique turqoise earrings set in 14k gold. They are really stunning and unusual. I need some fucking money. $70 plus $5 shipping in the US.


This beautiful Chanel handbag is STILL available and is an amazing bargain. Check out prices on eBay or in any magazine. See more photos here. $600 plus $25 shipping (includes insurance.)

Reward yourself or a loved one for Christmas! Contact: to purchase, via paypal or whatever.

Please don’t leave comments about how you wish you had the money, UNLESS YOU WANT ME TO KILL YOU or UNLESS YOU ARE WENDY B, who is compelled to do anything you forbid her from doing.


Stop and Laugh at Mrs. Palin

Friday, November 27th, 2009

Times are hard but there is joy if you look for it.   Spend a moment with Andrew Halcro…..

Sea of Shoes is Through Taking Your Shit

Wednesday, November 25th, 2009


That’s right, you meanies. She has shut done her comments because of you. Well, not exactly.   Let her explain in her own words:   “Comments aren’t necessary.”

Who cares what you people think?!? Fuck all y’all. Sea of Shoes is famous now, at least to blog followers, and their feedback doesn’t matter. She’s not here to make friends, after all! And she doesn’t need your stupid opinions.

But wait, I have an opinion, and now it’s too late.   Shit. Let me share it anyway, alright?

My opinion is, Take your new Dolce and Gabbana Wedges ($1,010 at farfetch) and get the money back. Take the money and buy a wheelchair for the guy I met last week who is paralyzed after a motorcycle accident. His sons are hoping the family can raise $1,000 to buy one.

I know it’s not your fault that people are paralyzed. And yet. Oh well.   Like you said, Sea of Shoes, “some people are just born with the compulsion to collect.

Scumbags, Douches and Jerks

Monday, November 23rd, 2009

Tonight, some friends and I were discussing some mutual acquaintances. It emerged that there was some confusion about how to categorize certain types of men we disdain.

To me, a Douche is instantly recognizable as such. He doesn’t have to exhibit any behavior; he’s just a Douche. Sometimes a Douche can increase his douchiness by bad behavior, like John Mayer, but usually it’s a done deal. Keith Urban is a Douche.


So is Pete Wentz and David Duchovny.

Joe Perry ( as per this photo from the American Music Awards show) is a Scumbag.


Whereas, Steven Tyler is a Douche.   Snoop Dogg = Scumbag. Mickey Rourke, another Scumbag.

Trying to think of a Jerk, my first thought was Levi Johnston, god bless him.   Jerks are more innocent than Scumbags or Douches. I even think that a Jerk could be reformable; he could wise up, theoretically anyway. Douches and Scumbags are lost causes.

I used to be able to explain the difference between a Tool and a Jerk, but I honestly can’t remember the criteria. All I remember was that some guy named Jason (who happened to be a fishmonger) was a complete Tool.

Where do you stand on these categories, and who do you think best epitomizes a Douche, Scumbag, Jerk or Tool?

Just Admit it, Demi

Sunday, November 22nd, 2009


After suggestions that her cover photo on W magazine was photoshopped, Demi Moore has come forward to deny it. She has been very adamant that this is an un-retouched photo, even though her left hip is visibly out of line with her thigh.

Apparently, she has been blabbing about it on Twitter, where she and her husband never shut up for a minute.   She’s inisting that she’s “just thin.”

Remember a few weeks ago, when Demi said in an interview that she’ s never had plastic surgery?

Why, Demi, why? Is it a Kaballah thing to deny the obvious? Are you hiding the truth from poor Rumer just to torment her? Do you think we forgot about your boobs for god sake?

Demi Moore is the Ted Bundy of surgically enhanced celebrities.   She’s going to deny everything to the bitter end, even when there’s nothing left of her but a puddle of botox and a pile of hair extensions.

What is the point of Demi Moore, after all, except to represent an aging cougar with a young husband? If only she’d stayed with Bruce Willis, we would all be so much better off. Except for Bruce, of course.

Read Mrs. Palin’s Mind and Win a Prize

Saturday, November 21st, 2009

Mrs. Palin’s tour bus arrives at Grand Rapids, MI, for her first book-signing appearance. Enlarge the picture to enjoy its full impact.

Finish this sentence:

“I’m carrying Trig because ——————————————.”

Again, I am offering the Dead Sweater to the winner. It is size small. (Honeypants won it in the Guess Which Shopbop Girl contest, but since she is busty, she gets some fabulous vintage jewelry from the Sister Wolf’s Hoarded Fashion Collection  )

This is the prize:


Falling Off My Horse

Friday, November 20th, 2009


Despite all my talk about being a samurai, I fell off my horse yesterday. It was bound to happen sometime, but it left me shaken and badly bruised.

Among my family troubles are Other family troubles. Things spun out of control, meaning I lost control. It really did feel like a damn bursting. All the careful containment of my grief and fear has allowed me to forget that I am a fucking wreck.

However! I picked myself up and got back on the horse. I got a ride to Chinatown, where Max has been transferred to a wonderful rehabilitation facility. Now he can learn to walk again and get ready to come home.

Everything about the new place is great, even the food. We are all still traumatized by the pretend “hospital,” which I can now divulge is a subsidiary of Kindred Healthcare, a corporation that made $4 billion in 2008. Why did they make $4 billion? Because their “hospitals” charge the insurance company $4,000 a day and then DON’T DO ANYTHING FOR THE PATIENT!

Ah well. I haven’t even begun with those fuckers. First things first. Here is Max having his dinner tonight and looking like Elvis.   If you send him your blessings, I will pass them on.


Goony Bird Helps Out

Tuesday, November 17th, 2009


I have seen this dress by Alexander Wang EVERYWHERE in the last few days, and even though it’s beyond my means and spoiled-by-association re Erin Wasson, I have coveted it. Blue sequins = heaven.

But one look at Goony Bird wearing it and I’m over it! She’s ruined it for me.

Thank you, Goony Bird!   Go here for more of her distinctive posing.