Archive for February, 2010

Sting: What a Fucking Cunt™!

Sunday, February 28th, 2010

Not just a fucking cunt, but a TOTAL fucking cunt. If you didn’t already hate him, it’s time to get on board.

Sting was offered 2 millions pounds to perform in Uzbekistan for the glamorous daughter of its brutal dictator, whose human rights violations are deplored around the world.

When asked to defend his decision, after the fact, Sting issued a statement that explained: “The concert was organized by the president’s daughter and I believe sponsored by Unicef.”

But Unicef says they were “quite surprised” by Sting’s claim. Oh, snap!

Sting still wants to have it both ways (i.e. to indulge his greed and to pose as a humanitarian.) Here is his argument:

“I am well aware of the Uzbek president’s appalling reputation in the field of human rights as well as the environment. I made the decision to play there in spite of that. I have come to believe that cultural boycotts are not only pointless gestures, they are counter-productive, where proscribed states are further robbed of the open commerce of ideas and art and as a result become even more closed, paranoid and insular.”

God, what a fucking cunt™.  A ticket for his concert cost more than 45 times the average monthly salary in Uzbekistan.   Look at him sitting with Gulnara Karimova, the dictator’s daughter and anointed heir. Don’t they look cultural together? Poor Trudy.

If you hate Sting as much as I do, listen to the eloquence of journalist Miles Raymer:

“You gotta hand it to Sting: the guy just doesn’t stop. Most people who inspire the hatred of literally millions of people for a long list of entirely valid reasons–from his shitty music to his preternatural self-regard to his insistence on planting in my mind, even for the briefest of horrifying seconds, the image of him having hours-long tantric sex would probably rest on their laurels.”

Sting brings being a cunt to a whole new level. He is definitely Cunt of the Week™, unless someone somehow manages to out-cunt him.

The Cowboy Thong Sandal

Saturday, February 27th, 2010

A shoe that lives up to its name. Wrong on so many levels.

And yet somehow I feel that Erin Wasson would love them.They might even be worse than the Gladiator Converse. Both signal the end of civilization.

Neiman Marcus, $495

The Black Jacket Project

Friday, February 26th, 2010

Inspired by the mom-woman and her what-I-wore pictures, I’ve decided to share my carefully curated collection of Black Jackets.   I only had time for five of them. Believe me, this is just   the tip of the Black Jacket Iceberg. The jacket above is a leather jacket by Rachel Roy, around 4 years old. Check out the peplum thing in the back.

Here’s a wool motorcycle jacket and notice how I didn’t use “moto” in my description.

Here’s another wool motorcycle jacket that’s kind of quilted and shorter.

This one is a cashmere jacket by Richard Tyler…my very first eBay purchase. It has a beautiful embroidered lining in peach satin.

Here is the Plein Sud jacket that I got at the UCLA Cancer Thrift Shop a few years ago. I once used it to sit on at a Patti Smith concert at the pier, that’s how awesome I am.

Would you like to see some more Black Jackets? There are two more leather ones, two cotton ones, and I’m afraid to   remember if there are others.

What the hell is wrong with me? (Oh shit, I just remembered the Ann D. jacket I got from Yoox.com!) How many times do you have to buy the same thing before you feel satisfied, you know what I’m saying?

Or maybe it’s my life’s work to curate Black Jackets? I hope not.

Now tell the class what item you are doomed to keep buying. And if you choose to gush over any of my jackets, please call me “Judy”, just for fun!

Let’s Count Trigs

Wednesday, February 24th, 2010

If you’re an active member of PAP Smear, you already know about the newest evidence concerning Trig-gate. If not, you can check it out here and here.

The original Trig has a deformed ear. The current Trig does not. Nobody is saying where Mrs. P procured those Trigs, or even how many Trigs there might be. Nobody has yet seen a copy of any birth certificate.

Real Americans want Real Trigs, goddammit!

* cartoon from here.

A Style Vacuum

Wednesday, February 24th, 2010

A friend   sent me a link to a woman who has a blog and documents what she wears every day. My friend ‘s question was: “Why?!?”

God. I have no idea. Has everyone gone nuts? Who gives a shit what you wear every day, no matter who you are? I don’t even care what I wear every day, let alone some boring mom-woman.

I guess this mom-woman is the antidote to the Sartorialist.   The whole spectacle of what people wear has reached a tipping point, in my opinion.   Let’s start seeing everyone’s dental work or something.

Casting Your Life

Tuesday, February 23rd, 2010

Thanks to Hammie, I now know what actress should play me in the movie based on my life: Catherine Keener. Perfect choice, Hammie! She is definitely an idealized version of me…an attractive, mature hippie type. Or as I like to call her, the thinking man’s Demi Moore.

Years ago, my sister’s husband had an “adventure” that I won’t go into, except to say that afterward, my sister and I liked to secretly cast the movie of it. The title would be “On the Lam.” We figured that Karen Allen or maybe Debra Winger could play us, and Sam Neil could play her husband. I can’t remember how we cast the other characters in our lives, but it was a great game.

The other night though, I saw a movie with Debra Winger, who is now an old hag; she’s definitely out. And I have remarried. My husband can be played by Carlos Santana, since he’s been mistaken for Carlos Santana more than once.

If for some reason, Catherine Keener is too busy to play me, I would settle for Dita Von Teese.

Who would you cast as you in the movie of your life?

How Cute is This Shoe?

Monday, February 22nd, 2010

Just kidding!

When I clicked to enlarge the picture, just to be sure I wasn’t hallucinating, I was momentarily nauseated. But I like the third bullet point in the description:   “Rat accent.”

$100 at Revolve.

Finding My Niche

Monday, February 22nd, 2010

Every time I read a thing about bloggers having to find a niche, my heart sinks.   I’m not doing anything right. I’m also supposed to put keywords in my post titles, and to figure out what kind of posts bring the most traffic. That way, I can give the readers more of what They want.

I’m terrible at following rules, even when it would be in my best interest.

I also read some shit about finding your Voice and establishing your Brand. No problems there, I think. My Voice is my actual voice, and the Sister Wolf Brand..well, duh.

But here’s a great idea for a niche. Shopbop, my favorite online shopping site, has announced that returns of their merchandise are now free! So is shipping. Wouldn’t it be great if I spent the rest of my life ordering stuff from Shopbop, modeling it, and then sending it back?!

I could let readers vote on what I have to buy and model! I could try to pose like Goony Bird! I could glower like Starvng Girl! I could wear rompers and sequin shorts! The possibilities are endless. And horrible!

I wish I had the energy to carry this out, don’t you? I could get really famous as That Crazy Woman Who Models Shopbop Crap. But would I get a book deal, do you think?

I’m not doing anything that won’t get me a book deal. In fact, that is my motto from now on. I’m going to try it out on my husband when he gets home tonight.

What’s Wrong With This Picture?

Sunday, February 21st, 2010

This is a real question.

This is how Madonna dressed her daughter Mercy for a day out in Manhattan, while she herself wore some crap by Ed Hardy. Why does she want her child to look like a fucking lawn jockey?!? I can see that Mercy looks happy, but this get-up is so disturbing.

Is it me? Or what?

Los Angeles Premiere, “Dress Up!”

Saturday, February 20th, 2010

I was honored to serve as the Los Angeles premiere* of Kate Battrick’s short film, “Dress Up,” this week. Kate is known to some of you as the author of Make Do Style.

Her film is a charming and ambitious look at celebrity, aspiration, fashion and status, told through the chance meeting of a young couple who misread each other’s expectations.

When Kate becomes a famous auteur, you can say you remember her start in film-making. Great job, Kate!

*Sweater from my Grandma, shoes from SWEAR London.