Comments for Jane 6/1/2010

Sea looks disappointed after her loss in the Shirley Temple Look-alike Competition. Even the red tutu isn’t enough to cheer her up.

But later, this effortlessly chic outfit brought a smile to her face.

She loves her new Givenchy shoes from “this   season.” Can somebody please price them??

She has also acquired some hideous jewelry a la Mom, who is busy decorating their crib like a Las Vegas brothel. I think they’re planning a trip to Florence. If so, I hope Ronnie comes along to help find a cat cafe.

Sea won’t publish your comments, you fucking philistines, but I will. Me first:

Dear Sea, Lose the 80’s look if you want to maintain your influence. Most young girls don’t want to look like a middle-aged extra in Dynasty. Say hi to Carol! Love, SW

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43 Responses to “Comments for Jane 6/1/2010”

  1. Natalie Says:

    Ok, so half the time Sea looks so effortlessly off that’s its kind of interesting – in an expensive sort of way. (I think it’s the tiny waist and snappy hair that lets her pull it all off.) But the second outfit looks like Carmen Miranda on crack. You know that old adage, “before you leave the house take off one thing?” Sea needs to multiply that by ten. They’re called “signature statement pieces” for a reason. Thanks!

    P.S. when she’s done with those shoes can you send them to me to pay my rent? Thankskbye!

  2. Kapaali Says:

    “I couldn’t find any shirts so I went out to the garage where we keep our vintage stock…”

    Are you fucking kidding me? I hate you so much, Sea. And what the actual fuck does her dad do for a living? I am assuming he is the sugar daddy behind all this ridiculous bullshit she and her mother “find”.

    I still hate you so much, Sea. Ta-ta!

  3. Natalea Hell Says:

    Dear Sea:

    ahahahhahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahaha

    that’s all i can say.

    love, nat

  4. patni Says:

    “you wouldn’t do these awful things to me if I wasn’t in this chair” She looks like Baby Jane to me.

  5. TheShoeGirl Says:

    They’re $1,100

  6. Alicia Says:

    @Kapaali last I heard he is a plastic surgeon.

    Where is Carol!?!?!

  7. Natalea Hell Says:

    @Alicia

    i heard he was a lawyer :O oh, sea’s dad… the man, the myth.

  8. Make Do Style Says:

    Dear Jane – you look quite moody in the first photo, this is not the same as sultry. Also for the second look Carmen Miranda was a lot more sassy and edgy than you, plus she wore bananas on her head sometimes. You might like to try bananas in a perverse way.

  9. Beannie1 Says:

    Dear Sea,

    I sense an inner champion shining through in your recent posts. It’s true. You are a winner. Your true talent may lie in the fact you might be the swallowest serial killer ever.

    Why a serial killer? You are mean to your pets and appear to be torturing them. You refer to your pets as “awful”. You imply by comparison they are not nice or pretty and are unclean and un-ladylike. You say they are “oily” and look like “seamonkey”s. You picture an afflicted, scared and shaven little dog and then compare a small creature to a bleached pubic wig. Is that you psychopathic handywork.

    I am assured by various crime scene police style tv dramas/B grade serial killer movies you are a hop and a skip from murdering humans.

    Why swallow? It is redundant to explain given the reason you hate the defenseless animals in your presence is as already noted above they do not meet your exacting standards of animal attractiveness.

    Thus I crown you the swallowest serial killer ever.

    My god I have I just made you think you are hardcore? I didn’t intend to. Yo.

  10. Faux Fuchsia Says:

    Dear Jane,

    I really like that fuchsia jacket-it’s Killer! Aren’t you worried about damaging your heels when you walk on the gravel?

    I really like the revamped living room.

    Give my love to Carole and Consuela xxxxx

  11. LUXE ET VANITES Says:

    I LOVE YOUR TRENDY SITE, VERY SHARP SELECTION, FÉLICITATIONS, STÉPHANE OF http://WWW.LUXE-ET-VANITES.BLOGSPOT.COM NEWS CHAPTERS ON MY BLOG : BETONY VERNON, KRISTAMAS KLOUTSCH, JOEL PETER WITKIN, ARMS AND ARMORY JEWELRY, NYC….DONT HESITATE TO SHARE AND LEAVE A COMMENT IF YOU LIKE….

  12. IndiaFrancis Says:

    Dear Sea
    Why did you dress super conservatively for your friend’s high school graduation? The same graduation you should have been participating in.

  13. Sofia Says:

    Dear Sea,

    Your mom ‘found’ a bolero on ebay for a great price?

    You been she bought it, B-O-U-G-H-T it. That is what it is called when you curate/find/assemble objects because you handed over money for them.

    P.S I am curious as to what exactly constitutes a ‘great price’ for a jacket that resembles sleeping bags for your arms.

    P.P.S Your new house must take forever to dust. I hope the increased maid’s bill doesn’t impact on all that curating.

    xx

  14. Queen Zelda Says:

    Dear Sea

    I’m super impressed with your mum’s creative solution to a lack of wardrobe space – she built a new wardrobe. It’s such a drag these 70s homes without walk in robes. How does one store all the vintage clothing they find?

    Luv

    Queen Z xx

  15. J Says:

    Dear Sea,

    While I appreciate how you don’t want to show too much leg while wearing your new shoes, you could have at least chosen something a little less vile to make yourself look more demure. The skirt-ankle-strap combo makes your legs look stubby. Seriously, proof that money does not buy style.

    But your new shoes are seriously cool.

    Love, J

  16. Sandra B Says:

    Dear Sea,

    You and your mom have ruined all jewelry featuring insects or animals for me and my friends. When we were at Brimfield, there were so many “pieces” we could have “curated” for our “collections”, but we decided to leave them behind because we didn’t want to look like fashion victims who spent $600 on rhinestones just to make a statement.

    Here’s a statement for you: if you’re trying to look loud and incongruous, rolling around in a Salvation Army bin will give the same effect for about three grand less.

    ~Sandra B.

  17. M Says:

    Alexis Carrington called…you can keep her ensemble.

  18. Juri Says:

    Dear Dad of Shoes (Papà di Scarpe, as they may or may not say in Italy)

    Since you are the one lubricating the family credit cards, I’ll take the liberty of addressing you instead of your mannequin doll of a daughter.

    I suppose you do realize that the Japanese have developed rather clever robots and silicone dolls that resemble humans. Yes? And you must have realized that finding/curating/acquiring/catching quite a few of them would still have cost you less than financing your wife’s and her daughter’s odd habbit of dressing up in public. Just buy a Japanese silicone doll, dress it up in expensive rags, take some photographs and have a nanny or whoever happens to be on the (expensive) somputer post them with oneliners à la: “These shoes are killing me but I love them.”

    You’re welcome.

    As for your kept dolls’ planned trip to Florence, I’ll be in Venice for a couple of days in July on my way to Croatia. I won’t come to Florence but I suppose I could make a compromise and meet the Two Generations of Shoes in Bologna. We could all dress up in ugly, expensive things and look effortlessly ridiculous together. On your dime, of course.

  19. damaia Says:

    Jane’s really been disappointing me lately. I know she always dressed up and put outfits together just to photograph and then take off, but lately that’s been really, really showing. It’s become blindingly obvious that the outfits are totally “editorial” and not what she even might theoretically wear. And along with that they’ve fallen into what Sister Wolf so aptly describes as “hideous crap”. The last two in particular were appalling.

  20. Isabel Says:

    She does bear a striking resemblance to Shirley Temple…

  21. kate Says:

    Dear Sea,
    Not loving the “Whatever happened to Baby Jane” ringlets or repose. I know Jude has recently revamped the back yard but sitting in the rubber dipped chair with pea gravel beneath your feet looks very uncomfortable.

  22. Sister Wolf Says:

    Natalie – Carmen Miranda, yes, good call!

    Kapaali – Beautifully stated.

    TheSHoeGirl – !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  23. Sister Wolf Says:

    Sofia – Thank you.

    IndiaFrancis – The friends looked a little…can I say “inbred” without being mean?

  24. Dru Says:

    Sea darling- all those ‘statement’ clothes you pile on and the soulful looks you wear purely for the purposes of “styling” sessions and “photoshoots” aren’t going to ‘obtain’ you cheekbones. Is this really worth skipping college for a year? I’m a huge advocate of gap years, but they’re best spent away from your senior edition, not cloistered with her (this is universal).

    Mom of Sea- please note above, since I assume you are the one operating the camera.

  25. Queen Marie Says:

    Dear Jane

    When did you decide to dump your mom, as I notice you have removed her atlantis link from your side bar.
    First us, the lumpen proletariat, then your own dear Mother.
    Soon you will have no-one left to banish…

    Kindest Regards
    Queen Marie

  26. HelOnWheels Says:

    Dear Sea,

    Please stay the f*ck away from Italy. Having lived and worked there I can only see you doing it no justice and putting your oily, materialistic stain on one of my favorite cities.

    Smooches,
    H.O.W.

  27. Helen Says:

    Queen Marie; wow, well spotted! That’s quite depressing. The words “ivory tower” are the first that come to mind.

  28. sketch42 Says:

    I want to beat Sea with a stick. Her and Olivia Palermo.

  29. Drooling Isn't Pretty Says:

    hahahahahha amazing. i dont think there is anything “effortless” about either look.

  30. theresa Says:

    dear sea

    i liked the belts for a hot second. but now they make me want to puke. Thanks for making everything shitty.

    It makes me proud to be broke and yet, somehow, still hotter than you.
    p.s.

    I don’t throw around the term “eyesore” lightly- Im a girl who accidentally dumped a bottle of glitter in her purse….
    HOWEVER

    that first oufit gives me vertigo and reminds me of something popeye would puke up if he had tuberculosis.

  31. RedHeadFashionista Says:

    Dear Sea,

    I like how proud you were of your friends for graduating. I am sure they were proud of you swanning around the world ‘curating’ hideous jackets while they were working to better themselves.
    Please be nicer to your pets, stop cheating on them with cat cafe kitties. Who knows where they’ve been?
    Never, ever wear that headband again.

    RedHead

    PS Sister Wolf, thankyou. I love your Comments for Jane.

  32. Isobel Says:

    Dear Sea,

    Quit smoking. It’s bad for you. I’m surprised Mom lets you do it. It’s all over your twitter. If I know, she knows. What a Mom.

    Put Carol in a post, will you?

    -Iso

  33. RedHeadFashionista Says:

    PS I follow Sea on Twitter (to brighten my dull days) and she tweeted while packing that she hates to travel.
    I suggest we introduce her to mail order. It’ll save a heck of a lot of gas and air miles every time she gets the urge to curate.

  34. erin lynne Q Says:

    sister wolf, thanks for hatin’ on sea of shoes. someone needs to do it.

  35. Househunting in Paris Says:

    DYING. These comments express everything I thought the first and only time I visited her website. Still can’t believe she was chosen to be a debutante at the Crillon ball, and yes I would LOVE to know what daddy sea does.

  36. carina Says:

    I just discovered the SEA of shoes blog today via blogher or some other blog-consolidating site, and wondered “what the fuck??”, then I thought I must be missing something…that perhaps it’s some sort of inside joke and I’m just not cool enough to get it (seriously, it’s one of the most popular sites, after Sartorialist, which is mystifying in and of itself) – but the more I perused her site, and realized she’s serious as a heartattack, the more I died inside. So I feel so gratified that I stumbled onto your site I was googling “fabric snobs” (which I proudly am) to find some kindred spirits. You (and most of your blog followers) are HILARIOUS and tell the truth.

    Im conflicted, though: in talking about SEA and mentioning her on your blog, she ends up getting a lot more traffic, giving the mistaken impression that her popularity is due to her obnoxious and atrocious posts and photos…however, how else could we amuse ourselves on a friday morning when we’re supposed to be sending out resumes and whatnot?

  37. Raina @ If the Lamp Shade Fits Says:

    I’ve just found you and am bending down on one knee to pledge my troth.

  38. Short and Stout (like a tea pot) Says:

    Dear Sea,

    I am tired of seeing your armpits in your photos. I have armpits too- does that make me a model? I thought not.

    P.S. The Hulk would like his pose back. It belongs in the WWF…but maybe he could borrow your belt?! OMG!!!! *sarcastic smirk*

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