Can We Talk?
Here are the results of Mom’s hard work redecorating the family crib. Follow directions CAREFULLY.
1. Click on photos to expand to full size.
2. Don’t scream if you’re at work.
3. Find one item you would like to see in your own living room.
4. Explain the concept without using the word “jungle.”
Tags: Mom of Shoes, what the fuck
June 3rd, 2010 at 2:37 am
I’ve gone foetal … need therapy fast!
June 3rd, 2010 at 3:07 am
Ummm. Well. The wood in the fireplace seems useful enough, though I would not have stacked it in such a manner.
June 3rd, 2010 at 3:20 am
Track Lighting! Got that….I am but a pauper.
I don’t know how humans are supposed to live with all that junk?!
June 3rd, 2010 at 3:46 am
I would take the giant clam that is sitting on the dining table.
I think Elvis would have loved it all.
June 3rd, 2010 at 4:03 am
Dear SW, I like it, which is probably not a good sign, but it is certainly not boring, there is lots to look at. I like the deer sitting on the coffee table, we get these odd little deer in our garden, it would be so funny to come in and find one sitting in the middle of the living room, they eat all young plants and flowers in the garden, so the logical next step for them would be to take over the house..
I also like the fringed lampshade in the 2nd pic, it looks a bit Missoni to me, wonder if it would fit me?
Not sure about that see-through perspex stickie up thing on left in 1st pic, as I am English (repressed ) and immature, I would be forced to make willy jokes constantly, which would be very tiring.
Sorry, completely off the point, but you know Goony bird, did you name her after the character in the books by Lois Lowry? No doubt this author is v famous in the US but she had passed me by, till I discovered this brilliant book by her The Willoughbys recently.
June 3rd, 2010 at 4:13 am
3. Hmm, if one thinks about it then maybe that giant ball of a light fixture is pretty?
4. It looks like the mildly less fun cousin of a bona fide disco ball, and I love disco balls.
Also, I see that the photographs are watermarked- does that mean Mom paid to have part of her home look like that, or handed over money to have it photographed?
June 3rd, 2010 at 4:16 am
The coffee table with the (hopefully fibreglass) tusk legs looks like it’s about to scuttle away in the manner of a big spider of questionable taste.
I thought the green velvet daybed looked kind of ok if the cushions were taken off it and it was shoved up against a wall and had a bunch of afghan rugs and old newspapers and cat fur and half a squished banana and a discarded sweater, and/or any other signs of human life on it.
Concept = desperately try-hard wannabe scenester LA boutique hotel crossed with living room scenario as created by humans from the far future trying to reconstruct a 21st century home for display in a museum, using random items dug from landfills.
June 3rd, 2010 at 4:17 am
Blighty Pudfish- funny you should mention Lois Lowry, I remmeber getting one of her books for my 10th birthday. It was a good book too.
In all fairness, the room would look better without the metal deer, the blue Buddha (it looks like one) and that sticky-up thing Blighty mentions. Though I bet those were all expensive.
June 3rd, 2010 at 4:33 am
Um……It’s claustrophobic. Too many glossy surfaces. You’re mind cannot rest.
The photos hurt enough – it could only be worse actually being there.
June 3rd, 2010 at 4:46 am
Oh my god. That’s it, I officially love you.
June 3rd, 2010 at 4:51 am
I…just…no. It hurts so bad.
June 3rd, 2010 at 4:54 am
Mom is exhibiting signs of “Reflective-Compulsive Disorder” – it’s an anxiety disorder marked by hoarding or the inability to discard shiny objects. Yes the light fixtures are cool but stuffing the fireplace with wood? wtf? Mom seems to be borderline Morrocan Reflectile Dysfunctional too – but I think her “safari” took her to the flea market. The recommended therapy is to be locked in an empty room with a copy of “Real Simple” magazine.
June 3rd, 2010 at 5:14 am
That is truly fucking horrid. It looks like an animal graveyard. HATE!
June 3rd, 2010 at 5:30 am
3. I will have the giant clam shell that’s on the dining room table. I’ve always wanted to recreate that scene from the little mermaid.
4. The concept is ‘The guy at the junk yard definitely saw you (and your ex husband’s wallet) coming- Liberace would say no to this crap.’ Coming soon to a cat cafe near you.
June 3rd, 2010 at 5:46 am
1. Done.
2. Hard not to scream when my eyes, which had surgery one and half year ago and now work perfectly without glasses, had to see that crap.
3. Not able to find anything I would like for my cheap-and-nice flat. The whole tacky atmosfere is horrid.
4. Concept…Ok, I got it, claustrophobic try to create a savanna. Hopefully the whole family is able to hover, I cannot find any other way to go in/out of that room.
June 3rd, 2010 at 5:46 am
I’m more disturbed by that giant vagina bowl on a table in the other room. WTF!
June 3rd, 2010 at 5:59 am
I think my eyeballs are bleeding now.
June 3rd, 2010 at 6:03 am
I just looked at this picture for way longer than I would advise (like looking directly at the sun) trying to see if there was one thing I would like. The pillows back in the corner look interesting, but maybe it’s the spots in front of my eyes.
What’s up with the lucite phallic thing on the left?
June 3rd, 2010 at 6:15 am
Oh, sorry Sister Wolf!!!
I found something I like. To have the absurd amount of money that this dimwit has surely spend on BUYING all this stuff (honestly, does somebody pay for getting this done at home? I would have killed the decorator…) and spend it on anything else, like, I don´t know, a car, or one year mongage.
June 3rd, 2010 at 6:29 am
Can we say “ungapatchka”? For the uninitiated, it’s a Yiddish word meaning “ridiculously overdecorated or ornate”. Perfect description, no? I don’t think there is an English word for what this is. It gives me a headache just looking at it! It’s the efforts of a wannabe, for sure. Reminds me of the nouveau riche Russian capitalists that we see all over NYC, so overly done. Simplicity is so much nicer. But I did like her shoe closet. Not the shoes, just the shelves. I need one of those.
June 3rd, 2010 at 6:32 am
I can’t get a really good look at it, but the dark armoire hiding behind the doorframe (in embarrassment?) in the second picture looks quite lovely and classic. I’ll take that. I desperately need more useful and attractive storage.
June 3rd, 2010 at 6:57 am
I must admit that I like the green velvet day bed. It’s a show piece and needs to be in very minimalist surroundings.
Everything else made me want to claw my eyes out. It’s awful. I’ll call it Dynasty meets dumpster of the Golden Age of MGM prop warehouse meets pathetic high-society wannabe. How many poor, defenseless creatures had to give up their lives for this dreck??
June 3rd, 2010 at 7:17 am
I found one! The dark wood cabinet/dresser thing. I know there’s a formal word for that piece of furniture, but damned if I know it.
Why would I want it in my living room? Because unlike everything else in the pictures, it’s useful, tasteful, and matches furniture I already have.
The concept could be described as “tribal geometrics,” or “Joey Tribbiani’s Dream Crib,” or perhaps “bored trophy wife with financially indiscriminate husband.”
June 3rd, 2010 at 7:45 am
Oh my good lord – that is utterly horrific!
Kelly Hoppen Art Deco Texas Safari Nouveau Riche waiting room to hell perhaps? It is going to clash so badly with all that hoarded ‘curated’ vintage too. Oh dear Mom – you should have stuck with minimal and white.
June 3rd, 2010 at 8:05 am
I saw these on her blog and immediately thought, “Yes, but you can’t _live_ there. You can only stand in it, be photographed, and have your pictures overwhelmed by the background.”
June 3rd, 2010 at 8:15 am
I kind of love the mantlepiece.
The look she is going for is “tarzan’s vision of a 1979 bordello”
June 3rd, 2010 at 8:55 am
Perfect rooms for those who are afraid to be alone with their own thoughts…
I’ve seen showroom vignettes at Z Gallery with more taste and less… things.
June 3rd, 2010 at 10:04 am
Brass, glass, Quan Yen, zebra, tusks, stacks of logs, busts, books, etc. There’s no focal point to the room. There’s no harmony, no balance. It’s a hoarders paradise.
June 3rd, 2010 at 10:13 am
Im happy it exists. Just like im happy that gala darling has an awful nose and garance dore and the sartorialist dude had an affair turned legitimate relationship.
it distracts me from my sister’s imminent, all important, non-kooky dressing, mandatory attendance debutant ball.
and I want alll the shiny stuff so i can put it in a room and call it “the shiny room,” and then lock it up tight for an eternity so that i may continue to think of myself as entirely above the sea of shit ridiculousness.
June 3rd, 2010 at 10:42 am
I feel claustrophobic just looking at that monstrosity.
She obviously isn’t familiar with the notion of ‘less is more’.
Just goes to show money can’t buy you taste…or class.
June 3rd, 2010 at 11:33 am
poor thing was obviously inspired by Mike Tyson’s taste in interior design…and in everything else
June 3rd, 2010 at 11:40 am
more money than taste….
much like the over priced clothing they like to dress up and pretend in…
June 3rd, 2010 at 11:47 am
Certainly not a house to invite a blind person into
June 3rd, 2010 at 12:28 pm
I think the blue buddha would work well in my house.
Concept: Luxe Taxidermy meets contemporary Studio 54
June 3rd, 2010 at 1:56 pm
oh and I just thought of this clever line and why not toot the horn of my cleverness since thats what blogging is for?
MOM OF SHOES’ boredom?
she killed it!
hahaha!
June 3rd, 2010 at 4:01 pm
Concept:
1. Coke and Mirrors
2. Trash, Cash and Flash
3. Pimp’s Lair
June 3rd, 2010 at 4:31 pm
I have to say the fireplace filled with wood is actually a lot more attractive than the big plastic baby gate I have covering my own fireplace. Of course, that’s only there to keep the children out.
June 3rd, 2010 at 4:57 pm
Hang some iridescent Lucite bead curtains in those round-headed arches and you’ve got Auntie Mame’s opium den. The broken up reflections in those chevron mirrors look like a bad migraine aura.
I would take the vents in the ceiling cause my house ain’t got no AC and it’s hot as hell here.
June 3rd, 2010 at 6:13 pm
As a nightclub/bordello/wanky hotel – yes. As a place to live/relax – NO!
Some credit should be given to the stylist though as she has managed to create a room with some visual appeal from a mixed bag of… elements.
June 3rd, 2010 at 7:32 pm
I thought their home was gorgeous before, neutral but still visually exciting, with cool accent pieces. It was much more soothing and serene. Now, it’s just so gaudy, and I think I’d feel the room was trying to devour me if I sat in it too long.
I can’t imagine how long it will take to dust now.
June 3rd, 2010 at 8:08 pm
concept:
hey-look-at-all-this-shit-i-bought-while-people-are-starving-and-selling-their-souls-to-pay-for-college
June 3rd, 2010 at 8:11 pm
This look is all wrong! It screams cheap World Market and Pier 1 mixed with early 80s deadstock. The pillows are inexcusable. The problem with Mom and Sea’s style is its reliance on Southern/American/bourgeois tokenism and completism– ‘I neeehhhhd these Ahhhn D’s in thareee cullers,” “the rooohm has ta look DONE.” I hope that stingray wrestling medal she’s hyping stings her and gives her lead poisoning.
June 3rd, 2010 at 8:35 pm
The tusk desk is a copy of Alexis Colby Carrington’s in Dynasty.
It’s not my taste, but I like the room.
I just worry that it is going to be a lot of extra work for Consuela to keep it all clean because there are lot’s of surfaces to dust, polish and vaccum.
June 3rd, 2010 at 9:42 pm
Boring, boring, boring. Having a pile of junk around your house only works if you’ve slowly collected it all and every piece has meaning to you. This is Personality Out of a Box.
June 3rd, 2010 at 9:54 pm
Sister, if you’re planning to have a new candidate for Cunt of the Week anytime soon, here is my nomination: http://blog.foreignpolicy.com/posts/2010/05/31/why_the_gaza_boat_deaths_are_a_huge_deal
June 3rd, 2010 at 11:00 pm
Ouch, that hurt my eye. And heart, sort of.
Reminds me distantly about this: http://www.randomthink.net/misc/ebay/ – with the difference that I would actually love to dwell into that eBay madness… …but prefer to not enter that stuffed living room in fear of breaking something hideous but expensive – or getting an acute claustrophobia.
Second glance… …I think I like the chandelier.
June 4th, 2010 at 4:38 am
I do not Know what I like more the “Mom of shoes meets Dallas without irony” decoration, or the gushing comments on her blog. Someone called the decoration “soothing” and other “clean”. Yes it maybe soothing and clean if you were born right in the middle of a Las vegas Casino in high season.
June 4th, 2010 at 4:58 am
It’s the film set of ‘There’s something about Mom’ right?
June 4th, 2010 at 5:02 am
On seconds thoughts is it a porn star palace. I’m thinking orgies, lines of cocaine off the back of the deer, riding the deer, roller skating around in between the rooms and all manner of pretend perversity dreamed up by Sea.
June 4th, 2010 at 5:28 am
Is this like one of those living rooms in rich people’s houses that you aren’t supposed to go into? Does anyone know what I am talking about? It reminds me of that kind of room.
I pick the deer sculpture, I describe it as bambi-esque.
June 4th, 2010 at 6:10 am
I’d grab the white hydrangea on the table. And the books.
Imagine the fabulous fire if those logs were set alight.
June 4th, 2010 at 6:15 am
There’s so much in that room, I’d be terrified to move (as I have a tendency to break things). Maybe it’s the photography!
June 4th, 2010 at 6:18 am
Oh and I like the wood shelf over the fire place.
June 4th, 2010 at 8:46 am
Looks like a comical version of a sultan’s palace where he keeps his harem. As my mom would say, “what drek!!”(dirt, crap, excrement). But don’t you think that it matches her persona, with all that garish costume jewelry that she wears/sells/gets on ebay for next to nothing and puts on her web site for $$$? Hey, that makes her pretty smart, dosen’t it? I think I will try and do that!
June 4th, 2010 at 8:50 am
file this under your tag “hideous crap”.
June 4th, 2010 at 9:53 am
I wonder what she did with those Warren Platner chairs she had. I want them.
June 4th, 2010 at 1:51 pm
feng shui hell
June 4th, 2010 at 4:33 pm
Just too much stuff & the track lighting needs to go.
Once I found pics of her place from years ago … It looked really great, nice clean lines & ready for family living. I think that menopause & stress has hit her. I’ve got that going on myself & I don’t mean to be mean.
Also after watching Hoarders & living through this terrible recession, I feel this style isn’t good from a design standpoint – Just cluttered.
Actually this looks like Leslie Prichard’s stores from Again & Again in Dallas, TX on Bonita/Henderson. They both are friends … So maybe this explains it.
June 4th, 2010 at 5:38 pm
I would describe this as ” post-modern design colonist” in which the colonist hoards all things shiny, 80s, and all around tacky.
June 4th, 2010 at 9:36 pm
Where is poor Carol going to sit?
June 4th, 2010 at 10:10 pm
Terrible. Way too much stuff–your eye cannot easily find things on which to focus and so it just looks chaotic. And again, a vulgar display of wealth. Are these people nouveau riche? That might explain the “finding” and “curating” of “stock” and other “goodies”.
I’m sorry, Sea and Mommy of Sea, but y’all waste so much money on crap, I just can’t see past it. You make me sick with your all-consuming lifestyle, when the money you spend on this bullshit could do so much good.
And fucking track lighting? Really? You spent money on all this utter shite and didn’t replace those cheese ass track lights? What in gay hell is wrong with you?
June 4th, 2010 at 10:52 pm
SW, your blog keeps me sane. You are HILARIOUS. Thank you.
Mom of Sea, WTF? Spend some money on Carol instead of your house.
June 5th, 2010 at 12:41 am
Weird-ass panelled mirrors and a disco ball…looks like someone’s having a mid-life crisis. She really should have sprung for a ball that’s multicolored and has rotating functions though.
Also, WTF is with the wood in the fireplace? Maybe if there’s ash still in the chimney it will spontaneously combust, light all the wood and burn this monstrosity down.
June 5th, 2010 at 12:48 am
Also I just noticed this…I wonder what sick fantasies Sea is going to act out with that Lucite penis. Maybe she’ll post it on her “other blog”!
June 5th, 2010 at 1:22 am
I wish I could see what’s inside that giant clam on the dining table. My instinct says there’s a midget or a mannish 4rth world child bathing, doing his best impression of Al Pacino as Tony Montana and repeating selected lines from Scarface.
The hideous furniture aside, mom’s living room looks like the last place in which I’d want to wake up after a few days drinking binge. What a hall of mirrors and horrors with no chance of avoiding your own reflection. I don’t suppose Mom or Sea do much living in that showroom.
June 5th, 2010 at 8:36 am
They need help. A referral to investigate the meaning of this ‘creation’. If it isn’t the menopause then crystal meths might be an issue. Mind you I’d take the logs they look perfect for my log fire.
June 5th, 2010 at 9:33 am
Do you remember house of the main character in “Married to the Mob”? This is close, with an “ethnic” slant. Do they really have three, THREE horrible mirrors reflecting the horrible stuff?
The fallic perspex thingy is really puzzling.
June 5th, 2010 at 10:23 am
I just love reading this quotes like this :
“We had to restrain ourselves from buying too much.”
Dear Judy, I think you already did…. what a piece of uncoherent shit you acquired for you living room. Please fire the stylist who did this (who is apparently a graphic designer, which shows to stick to the thing your good at! graphics and furniture are worlds apart)
If you want to have a laugh, read the interview that is now on Mom’s blog about her horrible house project
June 5th, 2010 at 10:57 am
“psychotic-greed-ridden-brothel-mess”
Judy needs a new hobby. Has she ever considered taking a cubicle job?
June 5th, 2010 at 1:38 pm
“magpie-parvenu”
Is that sap of ex-husband still bankrolling this?
June 6th, 2010 at 12:09 am
Please suggest them for an episode of “Hoarders”. Can you imagine what this is like when it’s messy?
June 6th, 2010 at 4:11 am
Consuela would never ever let the house get messy.
And frankly, she’d be very upset that anyone even suggested it.
June 6th, 2010 at 6:51 am
Would not want to trip in this room. One may lose an eye (or a trust fund).
June 6th, 2010 at 10:21 am
It’s like Liberace mixed with an elderly woman who was once a showgirl who married an elderly industrialist mixed with Columbian drug kingpin.
June 6th, 2010 at 11:58 am
So i have got my hands on a copy of pillow talk with rock hudson and doris day, to try and get a screen shot and post it here. It is so reminiscent of the awful way she decorates his apartment to punish him for being cheating fucker. I have a feeling mom of shoes may have been cheating on her decorator.
June 7th, 2010 at 3:57 am
1) OK.
2) Eeep.
3) Green day bed. Underneath all that stuff is a pretty velvet sofa thing having a panic attack.Someone rescue it.
4) Magpie.
June 7th, 2010 at 6:05 am
Haha @ patni’s perfect description!
June 7th, 2010 at 6:54 pm
took me a minute to recognize some of the elements in the room…dead giveaway was the logs in the fireplace…sea’s mom’s house!!!!!!!!!!!! fucknuts!
SW there is so much good in this room but somehow together it looks a hot mess.
June 9th, 2010 at 9:59 am
It looks like she is having a garage sale… in 1969. FUCK!!!!
June 11th, 2010 at 10:27 pm
I suppose we must thank MoS and her “designer” friend for redecorating.
How else is the economy is supposed to sustain itself unless women with their ex-husband’s credit card go on massive spending sprees? Also think about the poor over-priced and utterly tasteless crap that gets left in antique stores and furniture stores; they need homes too!
My bet is even the dogs don’t feel comfortable with all this dead animal life in the room.
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