I Won, So There!

After all my labor at Refinery 29, I won a contest at Fashion Intel! Yay! I haven’t had a watch since I lost mine in January, so this is the perfect prize.

Some bitch castigated me for entering the Refinery 29 contests, like it was proof positive of my lonely boring wretched life as a guilt-ridden old crone with no purpose in life.

Fuck you, bitch! My purpose was winning a watch and now I’ve done it.

Why I didn’t win the latest Refinery 29 contest where you had to describe your “steamiest seduction story” is a total mystery, though.   My story was by far the least nauseating. Oh well.

In any case, it has been exhausting to read the hate mail that’s been pouring in this week. If you’re a raving moron who can’t spell “you’re” but you like the word “vitriol,” I know I’ll be hearing from you.   But try to remember: You can’t hurt me and you can’t shut me up.

Love, xo SW

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79 Responses to “I Won, So There!”

  1. Desiree Says:

    Congratulations on winning the watch! You deserved to win it and I hope it’s the start of many more contest wins – by the way I think it’s a gorgeous watch! xo

  2. Aja Says:

    Sweet! I knew you’d get something eventually! Hugs~

  3. theresa Says:

    “Sometimes, I think the people who buy our clothes live in a parallel universe. Hell, we can’t even afford our clothes.” – Lazaro Hernandez

    (my stupid friend, THE REAL THERESA, got me drunk tonight and then went to bed at 10, so I have alot of tipsy blogging time in my future this evening. but thats ok because she got me a blind date tomorrow night. he’s cute. we facebook stalked him. in my meaningful internet time, I found this quote and I think its quite applicable considering Sea put Proenza schouler on the map for me. Im no fashion expert, thats for fucking sure.)

  4. Jazmin Says:

    I feel like we should celebrate this! YAY!

  5. Lara Says:

    That watch is uhm… rad! Congrats! You sooo deserve all the treats you can get your hands on!
    Please don’t ever shut up! :)

  6. Angelica Says:

    Dude your “seduction story” is FUCKING GENIUS.

    …but seriously, WHO are these people using phrases like “subtly revealed the gradation from flesh to areola” and “made the most intimate, exhilirating (sic) and mind-blowing love”? It’s like that Bad Sex In Fiction contest, except reality.

    Anyway, congratulations on winning! And I’m happy to see that I’m not the only person who snickers a little whenever someone uses the word “vitriol” around here.

  7. Kennedy Says:

    Great watch, Sister Wolf!! Tell those bitches that it’s time to STFU!

  8. RLC Says:

    God, the sheer length of some of those “seduction stories” is proof of just how much people like to bang on about themselves. Do they actually think people will read 800 word rants about how hot they think their sex lives are? UGH.

    Your story ttly turned me on, though. And I’m a vegetarian.

  9. RLC Says:

    p.s. congratulations on the watch, but you deserved to win all those Refinery 29 contests too. Your answers were winners by far, duh. I hope in the future they hold a competition to win something dead and/or stuffed and/or bone-adorned, those would be some entries worth reading.

  10. Alicia Says:

    There’s a seduction story?

    Congrats on winning the watch! =D

  11. Alicia Says:

    Annnnnnnnnd I’m back. SW, that was hilarious. I’m saving the rest of the entries for later…like when I’m bored at work…should be entertaining. =D

  12. Rosa Says:

    Fuck yeah! About time you won. Sister Wolf, you are now officially “Full of Win”.

  13. Sister Wolf Says:

    Angelica – Eooooooooooow! Jesus! How embarrassing!

  14. Cybill Says:

    That is just pelvis crunchingly awesome!!

  15. Sister Wolf Says:

    Theresa – I’m excited about your date.

    Jazmin – We SHOULD celebrate. But we already had the ice cream party. Should we drink??

  16. alittlelux Says:

    congratulations! you need to take pictures once you get it…

  17. Deepstillwater Says:

    Nice one!
    Will you be rocking that watch with a prosthetic arm? Rock on Sister Wolf!
    The hate-mailers can shut the fuck up!

  18. Make Do Style Says:

    Your seduction story is one game old bird number!
    So glad you won the watch!!
    Caught up on all the comments ref previous post – bonkers but Rosa and Annemarie are hilarious.

  19. Natalie / Fashion Intel Says:

    Cannot wait to see how it looks on you! I’m also going to start another great giveaway on Friday which you should totally enter, who knows, you might win!?!

  20. BethUK Says:

    OMG that is so achingly amazing! Hooray!

    I was touched by your tale of poultry love – is has all the sweet melancholy of a doomed romance infused with the heart warming cheer of holdiays and tasty dinner.

    Why someone would castigate you for that? Maybe she’s scared of the competition. She can’t psyche you out so though she’ll just have to raise her game…..

  21. Penny Dreadful Vintage Says:

    Hurrah! So glad you won something finally, well deserved

    ps Poor Tom. You could have preserved him in the freezer, and defrosted whenever you needed some lovin’

  22. Ann Says:

    Yay! I was JUST thinking of your missing watch the other day. The universe has settled its score with your accessories at last. Nice win, SW!

  23. Siobhan Says:

    Woo! Cool watch!

    And BLARGH to those entries. Here’s more from the same one Angelica flagged:

    “Donning big sunglasses with my sister’s little dog at my side, I sat demurely on a blanket, while all the boys approached me in a steady stream. I had a light, amusing, fun time”

    Hmmm I wonder why men flocked to her… because she was FLASHING HER NIPPLES.

    Oh god it gets worse:

    “Aside from the bride and groom, we were the center of attention, the objects of envy, and in an odd way, the bastions of hope.”

    Hope for what? That one day all women can dress like tramps & screw Argentinian sax players? Yay us.

    Please never ever shut up SW, otherwise we’re stuck with dunderheads like KEDIVA29 & Sea of Shit. You make their conceited stupidity hilarious instead of just depressing & anyone that cannot see that is a fucking turnip.

  24. Miggs Says:

    Congrats. I think you’re marvellous anyway, and I’m a person of impeccable taste.

  25. Cricket9 Says:

    Congrats, don’t ever shut up! Can’t wait to come back from work and read your seduction story!

  26. Lara Says:

    Hey lady! I looked for that male/female brain traits test you mentioned. I can’t find it online anywhere. Do you have a specific link? Thanks! xoxo

  27. deja pseu Says:

    Good for you! I’m glad you won the watch; it’s a nice one. Just the snippets that other commenters have posted of the “seduction” stories make me throw up in my mouth a little bit, so I’ll try to find yours without having to sully myself with the others. But really, congratulations!

  28. RedPaeony Says:

    Congratulations! Nice timepiece. Well done, Sister. xo

  29. Juri Says:

    I don’t think I like the watch but congratulations for winning! You should have won the seduction story competition too.

    The girl (Valentine) who wrote the entry including this sentence should have won the second and third prizes:

    “He then brought out this amazing telescope, and showed me all the constellations, mars, and saturn.”

    (A telescope, ay? I bet he did. Nudge nudge, wink wink, say no more.)

    The rest of the stories serve as solemn reminders to avoid foreign people (especially Argentinian sax players), foreign places and candle-lit dorm rooms if one is to maintain his chastity and manage to stay away from that silly sex business. Not to mention the rain and aiplane lavatories.

  30. Jill Says:

    I blame it on Prince.

  31. HelOnWheels Says:

    Congratulations, SW! You really deserve that seizure-inducingly rad watch. Champagne floats for everybody!

  32. Elizette Says:

    RONNIE, is it you again??! Welcome back to Sister Wolf’s Playground For Kids Who Can Read Good – expect some rough play. Sister Wolf is exhausted from all the hate mail not because it’s hate mail you moron but because it’s boring her to tears – clearly it’s the same old, stock standard stuff that looks like it’s been written by someone who is still trying to grasp the basics of the English language. I think Sister Wolf would be delighted with a cleverly written, witty piece of hate mail. Why don’t you rise to the occasion boy?

    Loved Rosa’s “full of win” comment and Deepstillwater’s comment about “rocking the watch with a prosthetic arm” – hahaha! Congrats on the win SW!

  33. Alicia Says:

    I’ve never had a stronger urge to take my red Sharpie to the screen…

    Ronnie, it would help if you typed your comments in Word or some other word processing software before posting them. If you’re going to be this boring, don’t make your contributions painful to read.

    I’m sure you have some Neon Indianing to do somewhere. How about you go and do that?


  34. Bessie the Buddha cow Says:

    Sister, congrats on the watch; it’s about time. Oye
    I commend you for not censoring the fuck-ups! I certainly would have, and, to boot, sent them virtual voodoo dolls full of 1000 gleaming pins by now! (Not very Buddha like for this heifer, but we all have a line in the sand.)

  35. Ann Says:

    Ronnie baby, awesome grammar and spelling. Really, just grade A shit. Keep up the good work!

  36. Erika Says:

    Your seduction story was the best. You should have won.

    BTW this sounds like a description of me – lonely boring wretched life as a guilt-ridden old crone with no purpose in life.

    keep talking, i need to laugh more.

    also new blog http://lookattheseeffingshoes.blogspot.com/
    all about shoes, my shoes, your shoes, everyones shoes.
    I’m bored with Sea’s site. I thought she was talking shoes but it’s all roaches and Dynasty.

  37. Sister Wolf Says:

    Siobhan – “the bastions of hope” =HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Shit! That one should win. I bow down to that one.

  38. Sister Wolf Says:

    Lara – try this: http://glennrowe.net/BaronCohen.aspx

    let me know how you do.

  39. Audi Says:

    Congratulations! Definitely post pictures when you get the watch — only if you’re ROCKING it though; such a watch cannot simply be worn.

  40. Em Says:

    Hey there Sister Wolf, I love reading your posts to the contests and am so happy for you to have won the watch! Absolutely love your Cunt of the Week posts by the way.

  41. prettypistol Says:

    hahaha Speaking of cunt of the week……..I would like to nominate the mysterious, but not too bright R (Ronnie)!

  42. thedelicatemink Says:

    For Canadian Cunt of the Week I’d like to nominate Toronto’s mayoral candidate Rob Ford….


  43. Andra Says:

    And you didn’t even have to curate it. Well done!

  44. Rosa Says:

    @Elizette: “Full of Win” isn’t mine!! Appropriated it from Alicia at the ice cream party. AND it should have been “Made of Win” so I got it wrong anyway!

    @Annemarie: where the fuck are you? Ronnie is waiting for you…!
    (I liked the part where you said you’d dust him off afterwards and bestow him with some pearls of wisdom. Do you think it’d really be possible, though? Irony is lost on him, that’s for sure. I think wisdom would be too.)

    @Alicia: “Neo Indianing” – hahahaha!

  45. JK Says:

    And for Portland’s Cunt of the Week:


    I was gonna make me a turkey sandwish – but I guess it can wait.

  46. Cricket9 Says:

    OMG, Mink, Mr. Ford is really a total fat idiot; as a former Torontonian transplanted to Ottawa, I’m outraged. I do hope he’ll be run over by, let’s say, a thousand bikes. By the way, Ottawa (a lovely city) has miles and miles of bike lanes.

  47. Cricket9 Says:

    I forgot to add, I’m glad that the Dallas Roach infestation finally ended, and, dear R: stop with this “old, cringey, shriveled” etc. business. The clock is ticking for everyone, and in no time you’ll be paunchy, balding, and arthritic – if you don’t do anything stupid and live that long. I’m older than SW and I bet that even in 20 years from now I can beat the crap out of you, if necessary, with my walking cane. Watch out for little old ladies. You’re right tough – it’s never to late, so keep trying and you may eventually become, like, close to be articulate.

  48. Lara Says:

    OOOH thanks so much for finding that! This was fun! Here are my results!
    Holy crap I’m almost a sensitive man.

    Here are the results of the first one, the Systemizing Quotient test:
    Your score: 65
    0 – 19 = low
    20 – 39 = average (most women score about 24 and most men score about 30)
    40 – 50 = above average (most people with Asperger Syndrome or high-functioning autism score in this range)
    51 – 80 is very high (three times as many people with Asperger Syndrome score in this range, compared to typical men, and almost no women score in this range)
    80 is maximum

    Here’s how I did on the Empathy Quotient test:
    Your score: 50
    0 – 32 = low (most people with Asperger Syndrome or high-functioning autism score about 20)
    33 – 52 = average (most women score about 47 and most men score about 42)
    53 – 63 is above average
    64 – 80 is very high
    80 is maximum

    And I’m not autistic! yay!
    Autism Spectrum test:
    Your score: 13
    0 – 10 = low
    11 – 22 = average (most women score about 15 and most men score about 17)
    23 – 31 = above average
    32 – 50 is very high (most people with Asperger Syndrome or high-functioning autism score about 35)
    50 is maximum

  49. Elizette Says:

    @Rosa – I know, I just liked how you used it in this context!

    Ahh, Cunt of the Week… can’t wait to see the next “winner”!

  50. Elaine Says:

    Yay for advertisers sponsoring giveaways
    I’m glad you finally won something
    Please continue entering Refinery 29 contests. Reading your entry among the participants who are dead serious about their “rad” Alex Wang shirts makes me feel less stupid on the internet

  51. Kathleen Says:

    I’m glad to see the Baron-Cohen test. Usually when I take these male/female brain tests, I find out I’m apparently male. At least with this I get to be a female who may have Asperger’s. I’ve not been diagnosed with it, but indications tend to point that way.

  52. kellie Says:

    Congrats on the win!!!
    And I am so glad to be a regular psychopath. I now have a purpose in life.

  53. carissa Says:

    pretty sure you’ll still look like a sad, lonely, ugly, old loser with that watch. butt really, congrats. hope it fills the void. what now?

  54. Sister Wolf Says:

    carissa – Whoa, you Texas gals really play dirty. Why do you people use fake names and proxy servers, though?

    I can see your other comments as “ariella”.

    and here’s your email: ariluvstx@gmail.com

    Next bitch that the aldridges send over here will be outed as well. Now I have to eat dinner. xo

  55. Miggs Says:

    Dang, I got a 35 on the Baron-Cohen test. Might explain a few things.

  56. Miggs Says:

    Dang, I got a 35 on the Baron-Cohen autism test. Might explain a few things.

  57. Miggs Says:

    Arg, repeats.

  58. Sister Wolf Says:

    Miggs – Well, I got a 4 on the male-brain. A four!!! It’s like I’m missing the whole lobe! I am a total girlie brain. They need to invent a word for it. It’s like reverse autism and it can be quite debilitating.

  59. Make Do Style Says:

    Loved the test
    got 25 average on Systemise (? can’t read my handwriting this is bad!) test
    got 67 above average on empathy test
    got 9 low on Autism test
    got 26 typical on mind eye test

    hope you enjoyed dinner x

  60. aine Says:

    Those seduction stories are so cringeworthy but awesome. Seriously i didnt think i’d see anyone as massively self involved and unaware as Naomi Campbell this week but I was so wrong. For example “we were, in an odd way the bastions of hope”, YOU’RE AT A WEDDING, TWO PEOPLE HAVE JUST SWORN TO STAY TOGETHER FOREVER! But yeah totally whats a public sign of commitment compared to two horny guests, one of whom is dressed like a stripper.
    Congrats on the watch it’s beautiful and never ever shut up!

  61. Kathy Says:

    Sister Wolf I’m a long time reader and find your site hilarious. There are far too many haters here of late. Surely the wonder of the internet is its democratizing power, however said power can end up in the hands of morons who don’t get your humour. I hope you continue to write about whatever you please, irksome to some and enjoyable to others, me included. x

  62. mutterhals Says:

    Ha ha, I started a trend!

  63. Kath Says:

    BAHAHAHAHA as if SW will ever shut the fuck up, narcissists never do nor do they ever have insight into their appalling behavior. SW problem with the Aldridge family goes way back in time when she met Judy briefly when they were both young, I doubt Judy remembers SW but SW became pathologically obsessed and jealous of Judy. This is a common feature of narcissistic personality disorder, a engulfing irrational envy. It stems from the fact that SW really knows she is an insignificant person with an empty inner life, look at how she can’t even connect to the death of her own son and how she shifts the blame to someone else. It is pathetic and sad but she rarely will ever feel this, the only thing she feels is narcissistic rage directed at those who make her realise what kind of a person she really is either those close to her, Simone or those she hardly knows like Judy who represent everything she really wants to be.
    SW is a very sick individual who will never seek help nor acknowledge the damage she does to those close to her, I pray everyday for your younger son that he will be strong enough to withstand the horror of you as a mother!!

    (You are insane! SW)

  64. votum Says:

    I really don’t know how anyone can comment on someone else’s life, accuse them of having no emotion and then use a fucking emoticon! Wow — deep!

  65. Ann Says:

    You know what’s funny is that not too many months ago, Mutterhals would stop by on occasion and be a normal, contributing commenter on this very blog. I won’t engage in ever-tiresome armchair psychology and assume what he (who claims to be a she) is doing more recently with the tedious one-liners, nor will I do the same for any of you trolls’ pathetic attempts at 3 seconds of internet notoriety. I will say that your novice efforts at anonymous internet bullying have actually become wildly hilarious, though.

  66. Kapaali Says:

    I don’t understand the haters. This blog is very clearly named “Godammit, I’m Mad!” and if you’ve been reading it for even a short time you can see that SW has plenty to be mad about. But here’s the thing: IT’S THE INTERNET…IT’S NOT MANDATORY. If you don’t like it, go read some other blog where you won’t get your feelings hurt. cuteoverload.com is nice.

    And for the record? A woman in her fifties IS NOT OLD, YOU ASSHOLES (and no, before you ask, I’m not in my fifties…I’m 30.)

  67. ariella CARISSA villa Says:

    wow. thanks for the shout out. carissa is my middle name. i posted previously with my full name. i’m not hiding my identity. fyi: i also go by ari. i’m not hiding. but i sure do appreciate you giving my email out. real ethical. but what else should i expect from the likes of such a bitter, hateful person.

  68. Alicia Says:

    I don’t get it…a bunch of more of less anonymous folks come by…on their own time…to talk shit to a woman and group of people who clearly don’t give a fuck about them.

    SW doesn’t need your attention and the regulars do this for fun (hauls of the mutter included). All these new folks seem way too emotionally invested and the psychological pretense/”yer jealz”/”hating on”/ commentary they bring is incredibly boring.

    I’m waiting with bated breath for you all to leave so we can go back to 60-70 comment threads without having to trudge through your bullshit in the process.

    It’s the internet. Not that serious, y’all.

  69. Alicia Says:

    Oh, and I got a 33 on the Systemizing Quotient test. I’ll be back with more results.

  70. MightayMightay Says:

    HAHAHAHA! Trolls who are illiterate AND non-internet-savvy. How did we get so “blessed”??? And then to have one of them whine about having an email exposed. Utterly priceless. I’ll be laughing all day.

    Anyway – congrats on the watch, Sister Wolf!

  71. Alicia Says:

    For Empathy, I got a 33; on Autisim Spectrum, a 13; Mind in the Eyes, a 28.

    What do I win? Please say it’s more ice cream. =D

  72. Sister Wolf Says:

    ariella – WHORE!

  73. patni Says:

    Before i shout whore, I just need to add that can we be ageist too? I don’t really like the young bubble headed tooth picks who still bleed once a month. They have nothing to talk about.

  74. Marky Says:

    I’m loving on your Refinery contest entries. I’m loving on them hard.

  75. Angelica Says:

    “SW problem with the Aldridge family goes way back in time when she met Judy briefly when they were both young, I doubt Judy remembers SW but SW became pathologically obsessed and jealous of Judy.”

    hahahahaha! Sounds like someone accidentally OD’d on their prescription medication.

  76. Suzanne aka Punk Glam Queen Says:

    Nice watch! I’m glad entering these contests finally paid off and brought you a little joy! Luckily for me watches go haywire on me and I can’t wear them. So no “curating” of watches for me! Screw the hate mailers!
    Suzanne (finally catching up after being away — got to hang with those faboo Queens Marie and Michelle, definitely the highlight of my holiday!)

  77. RedHeadFashionista Says:

    ‘Steamiest seduction story’? Hope everyone signed release forms for those…what a weird thing to ask for….

  78. birdie Says:

    I prefer the word castigated to vitriol… Which initially, I spelled like Petrol and realized that the motherfuckin’ INTERNETS has spell check. Way to go internets.

  79. RedHeadFashionista Says:

    Kath – Christ, what a bitch.

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