If only these boots had ______________________.
(opening ceremony $630)
Tags: crap, hideous boots
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on Friday, September 3rd, 2010 at 12:09 am and is filed under Fashion.
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September 3rd, 2010 at 12:12 am
Zippers.
September 3rd, 2010 at 12:28 am
…. never been put into production?
September 3rd, 2010 at 12:33 am
..a dead Heather Mills McCartney wearing a ball gag with her “good” foot in it…?
September 3rd, 2010 at 12:35 am
If only these boots had…….style
September 3rd, 2010 at 12:39 am
One of those flicky knife things that pops out of the toe (Can you tell I’m not a trained assassin?).
September 3rd, 2010 at 12:43 am
Little taxidermied ferret skulls hanging off those chains, obviously.
September 3rd, 2010 at 12:57 am
Tassels made of locusts and an insane grasshopper zip.
September 3rd, 2010 at 12:57 am
Some totally rad faux fur fringing. obviously.
September 3rd, 2010 at 1:47 am
Shearling, obviously.
And maybe a shrunken monkey head.
September 3rd, 2010 at 1:55 am
shearling! ahahahaha
September 3rd, 2010 at 2:10 am
a small but strong bonfire underneath them.
September 3rd, 2010 at 3:23 am
……… eyes. or beak.
September 3rd, 2010 at 4:12 am
Bells and whistles!!
September 3rd, 2010 at 4:55 am
throwing up right now.
September 3rd, 2010 at 5:00 am
they are obviously crying out for some sort of skull/dead animal embellishment
September 3rd, 2010 at 5:12 am
If only these had a bit of fringe added, maybe sticking out of the back like th new YSL pumps? Theya re jsut so UNDERSTATED I wish there was something to make them more insanely rad or stupidly cool….
September 3rd, 2010 at 5:22 am
One fewer strap?
September 3rd, 2010 at 5:27 am
spikes, an open toe, and a glow stick attached to the heel. that would create perfection.
September 3rd, 2010 at 5:44 am
Cleats
September 3rd, 2010 at 6:02 am
A navigation system… shit… there’s so much going on as is. I hate these!
September 3rd, 2010 at 6:11 am
fringe and a cockroach charm hanging from the chains. I’d rock these badboys with my jean+shirt jumper and a pamela love claw necklace
September 3rd, 2010 at 7:00 am
…a teapot hanging off of them like our Marie.
September 3rd, 2010 at 7:01 am
Peep toes.
September 3rd, 2010 at 7:06 am
a Whistle and a swiss army knife!
September 3rd, 2010 at 7:18 am
…..never being made. (They’re HIDEOUS).
September 3rd, 2010 at 7:22 am
Horns.
September 3rd, 2010 at 7:33 am
If only these boots had a real velociraptor claw dangling from them!
September 3rd, 2010 at 7:38 am
Jane Aldridges moley ankle coming out the top
September 3rd, 2010 at 7:51 am
never been born
September 3rd, 2010 at 7:58 am
not been made (I know stating the obvious)
September 3rd, 2010 at 8:26 am
a small russian village.
September 3rd, 2010 at 9:00 am
This weblog is being featured on Five Star Friday – http://www.schmutzie.com/fivestarfriday/2010/9/3/five-star-fridays-118th-edition-is-brought-to-you-by-quentin.html
September 3rd, 2010 at 9:04 am
Its own conveyor belt so the wearers need not use their feet for actual walking?
September 3rd, 2010 at 9:20 am
A rad fur lining made from the wool of some llama’s the Erin Wasson hand raised. Only then would I consider acquiring these.
September 3rd, 2010 at 9:30 am
A USB port? A can opener?
September 3rd, 2010 at 10:41 am
feathers! spikes! live animals! an even more insulting price tag!
September 3rd, 2010 at 10:47 am
a vibrator attachment
September 3rd, 2010 at 11:07 am
skye – HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA! (obviously)
September 3rd, 2010 at 11:10 am
Jenni – HAhahahahahahaha! Did you mean acquire or curate?
September 3rd, 2010 at 11:14 am
Cybill -HAHAHAHAHHA, hahahahaha, hahahahaha! I just woke up and I’m reading these from the top. You have already made my life worth living today xo
September 3rd, 2010 at 11:27 am
cattirun – Ooooooh, do you write for Refinery 29? Great fashiony nomenclature you’re rocking there!
September 3rd, 2010 at 11:49 am
….an espresso maker
September 3rd, 2010 at 12:14 pm
The other shoe?
September 3rd, 2010 at 12:42 pm
A ponytail. Like a real tail from a pony. Almost a train for your shoes, you know. Kill it. Rock it. Trip over it.
September 3rd, 2010 at 12:46 pm
If only these boots had…
…been set on fire.
September 3rd, 2010 at 1:07 pm
Human hair!
September 3rd, 2010 at 1:18 pm
Cowboy spurs and a donkey to come with, so I could kill them on an Easter catwalk in the middle of an ecstatic audience waving palm-leaves and shouting Hosanna!
September 3rd, 2010 at 1:34 pm
Wings. Miss J craves a pair of flying shoes.
September 3rd, 2010 at 2:12 pm
the wherewithal to curl up and die
September 3rd, 2010 at 2:42 pm
A pencil sharpener?
September 3rd, 2010 at 2:54 pm
HAhahahahahahahahahahaha, jesus, a pencil sharpener! a beak!
September 3rd, 2010 at 3:14 pm
Clear heals…
September 3rd, 2010 at 3:53 pm
a peep-toe and a hollow lucite heal that houses a live cockroach.
September 3rd, 2010 at 3:55 pm
*heel, dammit.
September 3rd, 2010 at 4:03 pm
OH oh oh I almost peed myself… I would love swiss army pocket knife (but only the biggest model) and a teapot. You guys all rock!!!
September 3rd, 2010 at 4:13 pm
Feathers and maybe a dead animal/skeleton.
September 3rd, 2010 at 4:35 pm
My foot? ooops. I like ‘em.
September 3rd, 2010 at 4:39 pm
A shrunken head with beads and definitely feathers, lots of feathers.
September 3rd, 2010 at 4:42 pm
Fresh flowers.
September 3rd, 2010 at 5:23 pm
Clear heels with live goldfish swimming around in them.
September 3rd, 2010 at 5:27 pm
One of those little paper umbrellas that you put in drinks?
September 3rd, 2010 at 8:43 pm
Feathers! Horns! And what Sreena wrote. A tiny paper umbrella sticking out of the top.
September 3rd, 2010 at 9:02 pm
Trying to think of something original…can’t beat the ferret skulls, damn it all.
Typewriter keys?
September 4th, 2010 at 4:55 am
I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with all of you people. These boots are achingly cool.
September 4th, 2010 at 7:02 am
a mechanism to selfdestruct in 5 seconds. *cue MI score
September 4th, 2010 at 8:15 am
a grenade launcher.
September 4th, 2010 at 10:16 am
Stirrups and a snow leopard crawling up them…. crafted out of real snow leopard fur?
September 4th, 2010 at 11:39 am
a studded taxidermied mouse with Lucite and animal print/ “jungle”/”tribal” embellishments…maybe even with some tiny religious symbols thrown for good measure. (to go with the ever present crosses, Amy Odell’s “fashion Jew” and the cat “yarmulkes” in that FunnyorDie cat show video)
September 4th, 2010 at 7:55 pm
Oh, definitely the teapot. With tea in it, of course. On a cool fall day, what could be nicer than a hot cuppa, poured from one’s own boot?
September 4th, 2010 at 11:16 pm
Style
September 5th, 2010 at 3:48 am
Taps.
(heel and toe)
September 5th, 2010 at 3:51 am
a secret cyanide capsule compartment.
September 5th, 2010 at 5:39 am
-a dash of “Fashion Jew” panache!
(as suggested by Anqui- maybe a platinum/ruby Star of David dangling from the tri-strap juncture..?)
September 5th, 2010 at 9:10 am
A concealed knife in the toe a la Rosa Klebb.
September 5th, 2010 at 10:18 am
been rammed onto Sea’s head.
September 5th, 2010 at 7:27 pm
… opposable thumbs.
September 6th, 2010 at 6:40 pm
Dunno, an ipad holder?
September 7th, 2010 at 7:59 pm
been found in the costume shop for Firefly.
September 8th, 2010 at 6:49 pm
OnStar
September 8th, 2010 at 9:27 pm
Anqui – Oooooooooooooooh!
twistedlamb – HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
September 11th, 2010 at 2:49 pm
wifi
September 13th, 2010 at 2:22 pm
My feet in them…. honestly I like them.
November 1st, 2010 at 10:01 am
go go gadget springs.