Archive for November, 2010

Trash Truck

Monday, November 29th, 2010

When Max was little, he used to love trucks. He was especially fond of trash trucks, which weren’t automated in those days.   The trash man had to pick up the cans and empty them into the truck. The whole operation was very noisy.

Every Thursday morning, at the sound of the truck in front of our house, Max would scream excitedly: “TASH TUCK!”   We would stand at the window to watch.

One day, the driver noticed Max at the window. He was a big black guy in a sanitation department uniform, wearing a cap and gloves. The guy waved, and smiled. I can still see his face, lit up by the dazzling grin.

I said something like, “Look honey, the guy is waving to you!” Max nearly had a heart attack from sheer joy.

What a great trash guy! What a great moment! I have always treasured it, like so many others, small moments that make up your life as a mother. You think they’ll stretch out ahead of you into the future – forever.

I called a hot-line tonight, for the first time. A very nice lady named Ginger was there to help. I wish she could fix everything.

Explain the Open Toe

Sunday, November 28th, 2010

Suede boots with shearling trim and a contrasting rib-knit shaft.

Ugh, fine, fur and knit for warmth…..but why the open toe?!

Anyone who buys these boots ($1,300 Guiseppe Zanotti for Thakoon) is out of her fucking mind.

Sister Wolf and Racism

Friday, November 26th, 2010

Sister Wolf and Racism from Sister Wolf on Vimeo.

Lipstick credit: Russian Red by M.A.C.

Thankful for Art

Thursday, November 25th, 2010

Mrs. Palin: What a Stupid Fucking Cunt™!

Wednesday, November 24th, 2010

I want to help clean up the state that is so sorry today of journalism.”

Trending: Wealthy Asian Mom Bloggers

Monday, November 22nd, 2010

This is Tina, from Bag Snob.

This is Mr. Freddie’s Mom, taking a little break.

Here is the Life In Travel lady.

All three bloggers have young children they adore. All three love to travel and pose. And pose. And pose. And all three are blessed with bald older husbands! It’s like a club!

Indulgent husbands, photogenic children, a lust for shopping, high end cameras, and the universal female dream of becoming a pin-up girl. Isn’t it wonderful?

If you know of any other Wealthy Asian Mom Bloggers, let me know.   I feel an obsession coming on.

Sister Wolf and Twitter: Part II

Sunday, November 21st, 2010

Lanvin H&M Apathy

Saturday, November 20th, 2010

I am the only person in the whole world who doesn’t care about Lanvin for H&M. What an isolating feeling.

I am out of step with my culture.

I am still tormented by longing for consumer goods, but I can’t give a shit about this Fashion Moment. Am I broken?

Lara, Ashley, or Georgia?

Saturday, November 20th, 2010

With three of them, I’m actually getting confused.

It’s War at the Make-up Counter

Thursday, November 18th, 2010

Today my friend X took me to the mall and we decided to visit the new Bloomingdales. We entered in the cosmetics department, unaware of the horror that awaited us.

Some bitch at the Benefit counter approached me and started telling me about their new eyebrow waxing service. I tried to ignore her and looked at the make up while she gave X a brochure or something.   As I started to walk away, the bitch says brightly: “Can I just show you something?” I turned to her and said “Sure.”

Without any warning, she whips out a tube of something and starts rubbing it all over my face. I was too stunned to react. I couldn’t even believe it was happening. She babbled about the product while rubbing it in, and I kept my eyes tightly shut , dreading a blob of it on my contact lens.

When she finished, I blurted out, “How do you know this won’t make my skin break out?” meaning, How do you even know if I just had a facial peel, if I’m wearing a pound of foundation, if I’m on my way to a dinner party and can’t wash my face, if I have severe allergies, or if I’m carrying a kitchen knife to stab you with?

She smirked and replied: “It’s oil free and hypoallergenic. It’s silicone based.” I felt my face and indeed it felt slippery like the silicone glossing serum I don’t like to put on my hair.

I staggered off and told X how furious I was. I wondered if it was worth asking for the manager an causing a scene. We walked a few feet to the Dior counter, where a nice young black-clad gay guy asked how we were doing. I remarked that I was traumatized by the Benefit bitch.

He nodded and confided, “That’s their philosophy over at Benefit. Believe me, I’ve worked for them.” With that, he persuaded X to let him do her lipstick by saying, “PLEASE, I’m so bored and it will make me happy!”

The Dior guy did an expert job of lining and filling in X’s lips, explaining each product and why there was nothing like it. He did her eyes too, using 5 different products. While he worked, he told us about his unhappy childhood in a small-minded Christian community. He asked about my favorite poet, revealing that his favorite is Sylvia Plath.

“OH!” I said, recalling that the second most popular source of literary tattoos is Sylvia Plath, “So do you have any of her stuff tattooed?” He proudly yanked up his long sleeve to reveal a whole long poem about death on his upper arm, the words alternating in red and black ink. He kept right on moaning about his childhood, oblivious of how easily I had just pigeonholed him.

Finally, he was done with X, who looked great. He lined up around 8 products and asked her which ones she wanted to buy. When she said she wanted to think about it for a while, you could see his entire demeanor change. He coldly advised us to have a good day. When we left the store, we were careful to avoid the cosmetics department.

What next at the make up counter? A gang rape?