Sister Wolf and Racism

Sister Wolf and Racism from Sister Wolf on Vimeo.

Lipstick credit: Russian Red by M.A.C.

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72 Responses to “Sister Wolf and Racism”

  1. ash Says:

    Sister Wolf,
    I cannot believe you would make fun of ducklings. Please leave the ducklings alone. It is coincidence that they have been in movies lately. The ducklings have been exploited enough. Damnit, I don’t even think you are supposed to call them ducklings anymore! Please stop the hate.
    xoxox,
    Ash

  2. Sister Wolf Says:

    ash -OOPS! I meant The Duckling Community, of course.

  3. Alicia Says:

    You know…I noticed early on that people were going off on all kinds of tangents when you didn’t even say anything remotely incendiary. So strange…

    Maybe people just come here to vent? Or to try and sound smart? Or to flex their insult muscles? Or to use the word “vitriol?” Or to talk about how jealous people are. Who knows?

    And I think they prefer to be called “young ducks” instead of “ducklings.” Apparently it’s now a pejorative term.

  4. Aja Says:

    I just watched this with my friend and we cracked up. Free to kiss your ass. I’m not too harmed by Freddie’s Mom. If anything she should be worried. That’s not the type of behavior a mother should be displaying. Then again most Mom’s don’t run around in booty shorts . . .

  5. Carrie Says:

    Holy shit. I just returned to my computer after a little hiatus…and came across this whole fiasco!

    I watched the video first (feeling you as always SW), and then educated myself with a perusal of original post + comments. Wow. I had to ask myself if the comments would have gone quite where they did without Leisl’s initial choice of words? That isn’t a criticism of Leisl, either, just wondering if the specificity of the reference to ‘mail order brides’ might have been enough to take the conversation into a territory that the original post itself doesn’t. (?)

    Anyway, when handled in the articulate and well-reasoned manner always forthcoming chez SW the whole racist (really? really?!) accusation quickly looses steam. The only racist aroma wafting around that post is the smell of batshit crazy from Mr Fanny’s Goat or whoever the fuck she is. Her comment horrified me on so many levels. I’m opting not to check out her blog or the other two…giving my eyeballs and my psyche a pass on this one. I just don’t need to know anything about these people, and in this case I’m not even curious.

    The up-side of this debacle? We are rewarded with an always-awesome SW video! Ha! Take that Mr Fanny’s Goat!

  6. Ann Says:

    THANK YOU for this timely message. WHEN did the words “Asian” or “Mexican” become racist?! My jaw is still agape at what Mr Freddy’s Mom said to Aja. Absolutely unreal and so so sad. Nothing that anyone (including Aja) said should have elicited a response like that. She should be ashamed.

    Unrelated to the content of your video: your new nose rings looks great.

  7. Another old biddy Says:

    I saw nothing racist about Sister Wolf’s observations on the “wealthy Asian mom blogger” phenomenon. I was, however, taken aback and quite disgusted by the comment made by Mr. Freddie’s Mom. Her attack on Aja showed a total lack of class that no amount of money can buy.

    I’m an Asian woman with an M.B., B.S. (who has since retired from practice, as has my uterus) who is married to a less educated Caucasian man five years my senior. I don’t need an older, rich, white, bald and fat husband to give me a sense of identity or buy me designer goods and take me on expensive holidays when I have a poor, working-class one who washes the dishes (by hand) and makes me a D-I-Y shoe stretcher like this one:

    http://freespace.virgin.net/firey.fox/stretch.htm

    because I bought a pair of Doc Martens boots on eBay a size too small, forgetting that my shoe size may have increased since my last pair of Docs in the early nineties. If that isn’t true love, I don’t know what is.

    We’re a match made in heaven because we’re so alike – frugal and tight-fisted. He’s Swedish with a distinctive Smalandian streak (how irresistible is that?!) in him and I’m Hakka Chinese (aka the “Jews of Asia”). All you wealthy Asian mom bloggers can kiss my ass because conspicuous consumerism is so passé. Minimalism and asceticism is where it’s at!

  8. Sister Wolf Says:

    Carrie -HAhaha, Mr. Fanny’s Goat is a keeper.

    Another old biddy – Well, we’ve offered up two asses to kiss, no one can say we’re stingy. And the shoe stretcher thing is indeed a love offering like no other. I want my husband to make me one.

  9. thrift store lawyer Says:

    I love your blog and come here for the writing, which is generally concise and biting. Your videos lack the first of these qualities. Stop filming, keep writing!

  10. Sister Wolf Says:

    Thrift store lawyer – Now see here, madam, you clearly have no appreciation for red lipstick! I’ll try to think before I start recording, next time.

  11. Ruth Johnston Says:

    Personaly I have not come across any of these blogs but they sound like they would bore me. Sometimes political correctness goes too far.
    Listening to your description of Jewish people though.. I think I may be Jewish.. I have a Jewish name and that is all ..maybe in a past life.. I am certainly of type ..even down to the hair xx

  12. Make Do Style Says:

    good grief, you got to work one day and have a sick child the next (guilty of gratuitous child in duvet pics on blog) and you find out all hell has broken loose!

    I couldn’t believe it that comment was vile. Why are there all these mad vile hater types in the US on the internet. It was shocking..

    What is more shocking though is that Aja was worried about her saying Daddy in a British accent. I think she should do a vlog saying it! Aja come on you’ll be fab. Thanks to you I’ve now decided to watch Gentlemen Prefer Blondes for the 100th time and think I’m going to call Mr MDS ‘Daddy’ all day.

    Imagine if I wore short shorts as well – would that be trending or just obscene. I’m happy to embrace all manner of stereo types.

  13. Cybill Says:

    I douched before I logged on so I feel well qualified to speak here. What sort of a shit rebuttal did that woman leave! I was speechless. Way to prove your moronity wealthy asian mum blogger.
    From a stereotypically drunk sunburnt Australian follower of SW, now if you will excuse me I have to go wrestle a croc.

  14. Artful Lawyer Says:

    I like Another Old Biddy!

  15. annemarie Says:

    Another old biddy- you’re awesome!
    Mr. Freddie’s Mom- wow, you REALLY fucked up there, you silly fucking twat!
    Aja- You are a model of dignity. Talk about taking the high road. I need lessons.
    SW: well said, as always.

  16. hspades Says:

    This is my first time posting here, and I just feel very strongly about this topic and would like to share my opinion:
    Sister, this is YOUR blog and you are allowed to write about whatever you feel- it’s a little something called freedom of thought and freedom of speech. This applies to anything you feel needs to be commented on, and no body should be condemning you for exercising this right!
    I happened to read the article about Asian Mom bloggers and I never thought it was racist or prejudiced. You were just pointing out something that was interesting, and it was for others to take at face value. It was other readers who misread between the lines and made it something it was not. While I wasn’t interested in the topic personally, I wasn’t in any way offended or uncomfortable reading this FACT. It was other people who entered hate and racism.
    I am of the sound mind that people judge others on what they themselves initially think when they read something. That being said, I feel that it’s everyone else who condemned you for being prejudiced that are the racists! I like your blog a lot even though I’m not ‘fashion-inclined’- you always inspire me!

  17. hspades Says:

    PS: I am a German-Canadian and I am proud to tell people this fact. As a result, I get called a Nazi and crap like that. My family moved to Canada on 1902, BEFORE the world wars, and so god damn! I never get pissed though, because that’s a stereotype Germans have been fighting for ages, and historically we are a loud, brutish people. I am a perfect example!

  18. Aja Says:

    Another Old Biddy, your husband sounds like a treasure. Nothing beats a sweet homemade gift.

    Make Do Style – When I lived in London I tried so hard not to pick up the British accent. Don’t get me wrong, I love it . . . but an American with a British accent quickly becomes the butt of all jokes, I’m looking at you, Madonna and Gwyneth Paltrow.

  19. Bessie the Buddha cow: Says:

    “It used to be easy for moguls to flaunt their power. All they had to do was renovate the chalet in St. Moritz, buy the latest Gulfstream (GD) jet, lay off 5,000 employees, or marry a much younger Asian woman.” (Joel Stein)

    http://www.businessweek.com/magazine/content/10_46/b4203103862097.htm

    xoxoxoxo

  20. Cricket9 Says:

    SW, please, don’t muzzle yourself. The only obviously racist person in the discussion happens to be Mrs. Freddie’s Mom. I’m glad that your ass is still available for kissing.
    I’m deeply impressed by Mr. Another Old Biddy and his shoe stretcher.

  21. patni Says:

    My first instinct was to wrap myself in a green sheet and pose with the shoe storage system I made myself, with no rich husband. It houses my 200 pairs of shoes which i bought for my self.
    All that silly soft porn posing is funny people.
    And I am irish, so i must be a red haired, trouble making bankrupt drunk. I am probably guilty as charged.

  22. patni Says:

    and mmmmmhmmmmmm ass smooching.

  23. Tanya Says:

    The notion that some people would take offense to the civil discussion that was taking place far away from their turf is beyond my understanding. When you make your life’s content a part of the public domain, that content is subject to appraisal by the public. Such appraisal may not be limited to praise. You may disagree with some of the responses elicited by your posted material; these are just some products of critical thinking. However, resorting to racist slurs and hateful speech undermines your intelligence(?) greatly and makes you look like quite the fool.

  24. tartandtreacly Says:

    I only got through a third of the video because I was too mesmerized by that slash of red (and, uh, because I think you come off better in print, like a lot of writers). I truly envy people who can pull off bombshell lipstick. Makes me want to throw out my pile of prissy MAC pinks and start over. But red lipstick always looks too try-hard on me – my personal theory is that it has to do with bone structure (or the lack thereof).

  25. BethUK Says:

    I had to back and catch up on the comment action. I can’t believe the response from Mr Freddy’s Mom. Aja – I am so sorry that you had put up with that ignorant crap.

    I sympathise with some people who felt that certain comments were out of order. I think that they affected the way many people read your original post. I’m happy to apologise to anyone who was offended by my comment (and SW and Aja for any harsh responses it contributed to).

    P.S. I had a shower this morning – will that do?

  26. c.k. Says:

    well, this remind me of me when I was in Europe and was working and the lady at RH said to a worworker of mine “we could have kept her if she was not too ethnic”, I am from north africa, berber, personally, that was racism because the context in itself is racist. I was sick to my stomach. since when my skills are related to my race.

    However, it’s silly to say that somebody is racist when they point out the obvious, it is not racism, a black person is black etc..but the context in which we talk about race can be called racism. In this case it is not racism, it is a constation ..I noticed some men who love asian girls, that is their taste and in no way we should judge them for that, it’s like men who love bigger girls, thank god there are men like that otherwise we would be so uniform.
    for my part, I have a problem with the blog trend. I myself started a blog and I am conflicted as to why did I open it? do I want to share ideas with people? do I want people to notice me? I know it is not for money, but why did I open it? I am starting to question my self-esteem
    take care, love u

  27. Cricket9 Says:

    Re: German=Nazi, Irish=redhead etc: I’m Polish, so I drink nothing but vodka, I’m stoopid (see: Polish jokes), I’m Catholic and I personally knew the previous Pope, just like everyone else in Poland. Yeah, right.

  28. WendyB Says:

    Somehow I am never around when all hell breaks loose. I find out about it after the fact!

  29. woolgathering & miscellany Says:

    What do you have against ducklings? It’s because they’re YELLOW, right? Racist.

    Whoops, I forgot to take a whore’s bath before I wrote this comment.

  30. Claire Says:

    We are really at a fucked up point though.. racism happens. People who experience racism in their lives, and then go online and find themselves being grouped – by strangers – by race.. can be understood if they feel racially attacked and hurt about that, no? And then they see commenters deriding them and their blogs, and mocking the attractiveness of their husbands, making mail order bride jokes, etc.

    No excuse for attacking in kind, of course.

  31. Alicia Says:

    @Claire – I’d say that we’re at a fucked up point when just commenting somewhere..even if you don’t say anything that could be taken as offensive…is license for someone to go to your blog, call you fat and ugly, and then for that person to go back to the comment section and tell that same person (remember…the SAME one who didn’t say anything offensive in the first place) and tell her to wash her pussy before commenting.

    Last I checked, that wasn’t responding “in kind.” That’s being psychotic. Or e-thuggin’ as I prefer to call it.

  32. Alicia Says:

    Annnnd, I fucked up all of my pronouns…but I’m sure you get what I was trying to say.

    HARAMBEE!

  33. James Says:

    Lipstick credit? heaven! Yes.. I read those comments and they were repulsive.

  34. Aja Says:

    Claire, there was nothing “in kind” about her response. If I recall my comments said nothing about her being a mail order bride or whatever. I did note that she likes to pose and that her husband is bald. But there’s nothing wrong with any of those things. I maintain my strong stance on that. As someone in an interracial relationship, I have no right to judge others based upon it (in truth, no one does . . . your relationship is your own). Now her response . . . that was unkind. Uncouth. Downright gross. But it’s cool, she’s not my mother . . . but poor Freddie’s instead!

  35. Aja Says:

    It would literally be the equivalent of me going to your blog and leaving a bunch of random, irrelevant, anonymous, racist comments to you simply because your view is different than mine. See my point?

  36. dust Says:

    I’m Serbian, I have Kalashnikov hidden in my hear, platforms filled with heroine, bombs in my bra, I hate all world, but mostly other Serbs. Not to forget, whole world is against me.
    Lipstick credit MUFE 42.

  37. Alyssa Says:

    When you are white and people call you out on doing something racist its unnecessary and a bit innapropriate to provide a lengthy, self aggrandising defense of what you did.

  38. E Says:

    Sister W you need a forum so that people can take their comments/asides/word-wars and whatever – somewhere else to polish and indulge in to their hearts content. Also some really long ladders for some people to get over themselves.
    And links to good drama classes.

    I feel no need to itemise my toilette or the stereotype to which I conform :)

    However, mmmmm … lipstick.
    Lipstick credit : Lancome La Laque Fever, Electric Pink.

  39. dust Says:

    in my oh my hair…. that’s it.

  40. Cricket9 Says:

    Alyssa, I don’t get your comment at all. Firstly, I repeat one more time, SW DID NOT SAY anything racist; she did not need any defense. Secondly – is a white person accused of racism supposed to just swallow it quietly and not say anything? Maybe also hang down her head in shame? Why would that be – because she’s white? Doesn’t it strike you as racist?

  41. Bag Snob Tina Says:

    Don’t you just love how people are quick to jump on the “racist” platform? I am one of the women Sister Wolf wrote about but I’m not offended by being called a “Wealthy Asian Mom Blogger” (trust me when I tell you there are worse things in life to be called. So why are you? I found the hateful comments to be more offensive than anything she wrote.

    She made an observation, and she blogged about it. When I see ridiculously expensive bags made of scraps of left over fabric/leather/fur bits, I am also compelled to point out the obvious. We all blog for different reasons– some people do it to entertain themselves and share their random thoughts. If you think they are hurtful or inaccurate you can reach out to them in a civilized manner, as I did with Sister Wolf. Leaving nasty comments never solve anything.

    As for me, I started blogging about bags for fun with my best friend when we left our careers in fashion and entertainment industries to become stay at home moms. If you go through Bagsnob.com, you’ll see it’s all about bags– the good, the bad and the ugly.

    But I digress. Let us examine the facts of her entry that caused such an uproar:

    Am I an Asian mom married to an older white male? Yes (He’s not that much older btw, his “Caucasian” genetics just have not fared as well as my “Chinese” ones)

    Do I love to travel? Yes.

    Do I adore my child? Yes.

    Do I spend my days posing for photos and taking photos of my child to share on my blogs? No.

    In the 5+ years of blogging, I have NEVER posted a single photo of my young son or my husband on any of my blogs and I rarely post photos of myself (I save that for my personal Facebook page & sometimes Twitter). But I’m not judging mom bloggers who post photos of themselves posing in their pretty clothes with their cute kids.

    I am just not that type of blogger.

    Please do not judge others for their choices in life– there is beauty in everything and everyone. I was a junior at USC during the LA riots of 1992 (yes, I’m that old) and witnessed true racist hate crimes against humanity firsthand. Sister Wolf’s entry doesn’t even come close.

    In the words of Rodney King: “Can’t we all just get along?”.

    Peace.

  42. Sister Wolf Says:

    BagSnobTina -You’re right: You don’t post pix of your kid or your husband and I have removed those photos accordingly. I wish I could see the beauty in everything. I will try harder. But I don’t think I’ll ever see the beauty of people like Mr. Freddie’s mom. I’m not christ, for godsake.

    I’m glad we were able to learn more about each other, BagsnobTina. xo

    Alyssa – You need a better lipstick.

  43. Hallie Says:

    Sister, I did not find anything even remotely offensive about your post. You did not use the word “Oriental” as a lot of ignorant people often do, and all of your other observations were just pointing out the obvious. I love Sister’s blog because it has the power to make panties twist like nothing else.

  44. Aja Says:

    Bag Snob Tina has won me over and over and over again. She’s one clever lady.

  45. Bag Snob Tina Says:

    @Sister Wolf – I feel the same! xo PS(I’m calling you Sister Lamb from now on)

    @Aja- Thank you and I look forward to learning more about you.

    I do have one more thing to say, I find it amusing that some of the commenters assume that older husbands have to buy things for their younger wives to keep them happy.

    Other than flowers and birthday/Christmas gifts, the only thing my husband buys me is dinner (and chocolates when I’m being nice). I buy what I want, when I want, and I pay for my own shopping habits. Sure he’s provided a nice life at home for our family so I don’t have to worry about putting food on the table but I work hard and and will continue to work until I’m unable to do so.

    Financial independence is the key to a happy marriage my friends, older or younger husband.

    Now, let’s move on to this duckling topic, I prefer mine with plum sauce. You?

  46. Dru Says:

    Sister, it wasn’t your post itself I found offensive or racist, but some of the comments (which, as you said, were made by other people).

    The nutty mummy blogger troll who went after Aja is nuttier than a fruitcake- she proved it beyond all doubt, and I feel sad for her son if she gets to pass on that particular set of views to him.

  47. Dru Says:

    Bag Snob Tina- honestly, I thought the comments about older husbands buying stuff were out of line though it’s nice of you to take the high road and be amused by them.

    Your family’s finances really aren’t any of our business and you aren’t obliged to explain things if you don’t want to, even if I am in complete agreement on the subject of financial independence.

  48. Dru Says:

    PS: I like my edible members of the duck family in orange sauce. Though duckling in plum sauce sounds like a good idea too.

  49. Hallie Says:

    “I do have one more thing to say, I find it amusing that some of the commenters assume that older husbands have to buy things for their younger wives to keep them happy.”

    IA, Tina. I also find it amusing that most people assume that, if an older and/or unattractive man has a younger wife (i.e. my husband and me), he MUST be rich. Or a pimp. We get this all the time in public (along with the father/daughter thing). Is it so inconceivable that an age gap couple could actually be in love? Don’t marriage vows include the promise “to love … for richer or poorer”? I take my vows very seriously and literally. Not on a high horse here, just being honest.

    Equally amusing were the commenters in that post who scrambled to back up interracial age gap couples (who they don’t even know) when I (a white woman) receive(d) endless flack about being married to a (white) man 32 years my senior. I don’t take this criticism to heart; it is to be expected and not taken seriously. I just found it interesting that an interracial age gap couple is to be vehemently defended, while a white age gap couple is fair game for ridicule and various accusations. I’m not fishing for approbation — obviously, by posting pictures online of us as a couple I anticipate any sort of disapproval and mockery. I’ve been accustomed to it for years and it only makes me chuckle. I’m just making an observation.

    To advocate an interracial age gap couple and renounce a white age gap couple is discrimination. It illustrates that whoever takes this stance views the two couples as unequal, even if it is subconsciously. Correct me if I am wrong, but the pillar of tolerance is equality. People who try too hard to not be racist and leap to defend anyone who is not white are the most racist of all.

    It does not piss me off when I am browbeaten online. Everyone is entitled to their opinion and free speech. This is why I don’t screen/delete comments on my own blog and normally I would not take the time or care enough to reply here, but Sister’s posts just compel people to join in on these virtual debates ;)

    xo to everyone

  50. tartandtreacly Says:

    WON’T SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE WHITE WOMEN

  51. Bag Snob Tina Says:

    @tartandtreacly & @Hallie Amen to that. Whether black, white, hispanic or asian– as women we are often judged by whom we choose to marry, by other women. It’s sad but true. But as Hallie pointed out, blogs are a place for everyone to voice their opinions and if you choose to post your photos out there, you have to take the heat. I don’t post photos of my son because as his mother it is my duty to protect him, not exploit him. I don’t post photos of my husband at his request and besides, I blog about bags, beauty, couture, shoes etc– there is no place to feature him. lol

    @Dru I agree, my family finances are no one’s business but my own and I wasn’t going to comment on it but I decided to in order to dispel the stereotype of the subservient young Asian wife (aka Mail Order Brides). Which, by the way, is often perpetuated by other Asian women! (That Marie Claire article on Asian Trophy Wives? Written by an Asian woman.) I am hoping to shed a different light on Asian women married to white men. If you don’t educate, people will remain ignorant.

    I myself have been guilty of the same when I meet young Asian women who barely speak English married to white men old enough to be their grandfathers but you know what, that’s their business!

    We want to pretend we are better than them because it’s humiliating to be compared to a Mail Order Bride but let me tell you sister, you’re not better or more superior just because you chose to marry a poor young white guy. Just like I am not better or more superior just because my husband happens makes a decent living.

    I am often shocked by the lack of sisterhood amongst Asian American women (actually women in general). We attack each other out of fear and it needs to stop! Kelly and I attend the Women’s Conference in LA each year — http://www.womensconference.org/ maybe some of you should join us.

    Phewww, I’ll get off my damn soap box now.

  52. Bag Snob Tina Says:

    @Dru PS. I’m not referring to you in my rant above, I was responding to your nice comment and somehow went off on a whole other tangent lol
    And yes, orange sauce is amazing on duckling as well ;)

  53. Cricket9 Says:

    Ladies, I don’t eat ducklings…but thank you for the voices of sanity, Bag Snob Tina, Hallie (BTW – I wrote snarky comment about one of your posts, now I’m sorry) and Dru. I’m all for “Can’t we all get along” mantra.
    Now, a little story from my neck in the woods in Ottawa: a few days ago I came home tired and not feeling well, and suddenly my neighbour showed up out of the blue with a delicious dish cooked by his wife; they live almost next door, but barely know me (I moved in recently). Today I went to give them a thank you card and a box of chocolates – I felt so grateful for the gesture. The neighbour called his wife and made a big deal out of me showing up. Then he told me that he gives everyone food from time to time (I’ve seen him doing it before) and writes Christmas cards to all 22 families in our little development. In 10 years, I was the only one who came to say thanks.
    I feel so bad for the family and I wonder – why is that? Because they are Muslims, or because they are from Iran, or because he’s a cab driver, (most people around work for the government) or because all my other neighbours are 1)assholes 2)too busy to do anything 3)all the above?
    Something is very wrong with this picture…

  54. Sister Wolf Says:

    I love roast duck. I wish I would make the effort to cook it.

    Wasn’t if fun to meet BagSnob Tina here?! Now we have a new friend with a thoughtful, intelligent voice and an open heart.

    We’ve learned that Hallie is a strongminded woman despite her girlish appearance and she’s in her marriage for the long haul.

    As for CRicket9’s story – This makes me unbearably sad. I thought I was all cried out for today but no. I fucking hate, HATE, bigots and wish I could shake the cab driver’s hand.

  55. Cricket9 Says:

    SW, don’t cry, I’m going to make it up to them. I’ll also talk to other neighbours – I hope they are not assholes, just oblivious…

  56. The Queen of HRRRTS Says:

    Though I really enjoyed listening to your vid SW, I didn’t think it was entirely necessary. You don’t need to clarify or justify anything. This is YOUR BLOG. [and I am not shouting at you but rather the universe because I can’t believe you even have to consider them when exercising your right to say whatever you want aaaaahhhhh, sorry]
    It was pretty clear to me what was going on in your post and I didn’t find it the least bit offensive and/or racist. But then again, I was already thinking the same thing, so perhaps I’m racist thus incapable of seeing anything wrong with what you’ve done…but-then-whatever.

    I love you. Feel free to rip on blacks. I do it from time to time myself. <3

  57. theresa Says:

    -TIna’s comment reminds me of something I studied recently about how many speakers of spanish/english and spanish combinations/etc in the Southwest tend not to speak to one another in their most comfortable and natural version of spanish or english because either they are embarrassed of it or disdainful of hearing a different version of what they speak.

    it makes me think of my own complete embarrassment when speaking spanish in Costa RIca (where I grew up and learned to speak spanish)

    even though my spanish is fairly decent…i feel like a complete bourgeois idiot for having any trace of an american accent…and yet, how the hell can i help that? EVER?

    anyway- the intricacies of the anxiety that stems from accented/faulty language are almost impossible to understand if you were to look at perspective (And i guess thats the only way to be PC about understanding it) and yet this anxiety is so much apart of so many people’s lives in the U.S. and everywhere. it makes this issue (and the mail order bride thing) almost impossible to talk about (or make progress in the conversation)

    but i guess bringing up the issue helps at the very least as it gives the issue some stage time.

    from the other end of it- haven’t the young and beautiful teamed up with the rich and the bald since always? Im happy about it because it makes for entertaining blogging….anything that runs on a pile of money is entertaining. Except my college education. i take that very seriously.

    -speaking of entertaining blogging… looking at hair and lipstick color is probably a sisterwolf blog follower stereotype. and I can’t believe you made me giggle during a blog video about racism.

    -I agree: ducks are awesome. after they are roasted and inside my belly. Im a supporter of duck genocide.

  58. Lynn Says:

    I agree with everyone here that the comment left by blackAja aka Mr Freddy’s Mom was uncalled for and racist, but lest we forget the first comments on that post by Leisl and Sam were equally ignorant and racist… I’m saddened by all the racism being perpetuated all around.

    I want to thank everyone who came to the defense of the asian women who just happened to be married to wealthy older white men, and I just hope that those xenophobic commenters (aimed at all races) taught Some people to rationalize before talking.

    Sister Wolf, way to open a can of worms. It was an interesting discussion in which I read every single comment and even followed to the comments on the Marie Claire article. What a learning experience to see some examples of how the rest of the world thinks.

  59. Sister Wolf Says:

    Lynn – EQUALLY ignorant and racist?!?!?! Please. As for opening a can of worms. YES! Let’s open all of them.

  60. Aja Says:

    Bag Snob Tina, sadly, I don’t like duck. My mother ate it when she was pregnant with me and spent the night hugging the toilette. Later in life, someone tried to sneak and feed me a bit without telling me and I thought I was going to be sick. Pity! Lots of duck enthusiast here.

    I am often shocked by the lack of sisterhood among African American women. Speaking as a girl who grew up being bullied for not being “street” enough, I know about this first hand. It sucks, plain and simple. And though we’ve come a long way as a group, marrying outside of your race as an African American is still a good way to get other African Americans to dislike you. I think only within the last ten years, it’s become displayed in pop culture, thus acceptable to others who might have previously disapproved.

    But like the Queen of Hrrrts, I have no issues poking fun at stereotypes in my race. Some are quite harmless, other not so much. It’s an interesting place, where that very thin line lies. And it’s been fun explaining all of this to my best friend, who grew up in Sweden and has lived here for seven years. She’s pretty intuitive and sometimes she just gets it faster than many of my fellow Americans. Though I like to think my family has given her the best first hand education of African American culture, possible.

    The strange thing is that I never look at Asian women with white males and think mail order bride. I really don’t. When a couple is together, I always take into consideration that divorce rates are high and often it’s harder to stick it out than to just call it off. I do think about cultural barriers and how hard it must be to break them. Did her family accept him? Did his family accept her? There is this really beautiful girl, that I dance ballet with. She’s graceful, humble and kind. Her husband is white and much older than her and when I look at him, watching her, all I can see is the love he has in his heart for her and vice versa.

    And I’ve always thought Hallie’s relationship was pretty cool. I’ve dated outside my age bracket and if it works, it works. Age sometimes has very little to do with it.

    I hope Cricket9 continues to embrace her neighbors and encourages others to do the same. I can’t imagine being so generous with those around you and never receiving much of a response. My family was the only black family in our neighborhood for much of my life. We’ve been fortunate to some really extraordinary neighbors. Everyone should be so lucky.

    While this discussion hasn’t always been a ball of fun, I’m really happy it happened. It’s provoked a lot of different reactions and there is something to be learned from all of them. So thank you Sister Wolf for hosting a place for all of us to explain ourselves or as Bag Snob Tina put it, step up on our collective soap boxes.

  61. Hanh, life-in-travel Says:

    Wow, looks like everyone had comments even Bagsnob and Freddie’s Mom. Well, I’m lifeintravel lady. I don’t have much time for this, but I try.
    I understood that SW had her point on ” wealthy Asian mom blogger” who married older, rich white man. As she said, she doesn’t want to hurt anyone; a group of people or individual. But one thing she forgot that she doesn’t know these mom; who they are, their background education, how old they are and their husbands, where and how they met, why they love their husband, and what their blog are about.
    My blog is lifeintravel. Ofcousre, I blog about my travel with my family. I have featured my kid’s pictures, but I’ve never mentioned their name, their school…just simply their pictures. So, I don’t think that would harmful for my kids. I’ve rarely featured my husband’s picture, it’s maybe one or two pics…It’s my choice. As I said in my blog profile, I like to share my travel, food, and my fashion. My blog is something I do for fun beside my busy full time mom (not show off, btw). I like to have my pictures taken for my blog, again, I’m having fun (it’s nothing wrong to have fun. Everyone has different ways to have fun and enjoy their life)
    Yes, I married a white man, but not much older than me ( just like Bagsnob’s husband, my husband’s “caucasian” genetics have not fared as well as my “asian” ones) I moved to Dallas 1994 when I had 2 degrees in International marketing and Management (I spent 7 years in university). Two years later, I met my husband at my work in Dallas. After 3 years, I knew him as a friend. 14 months of dating, we married 10 years now. Yes, I’m that old… My shopping habit is bad, but I have 2 girls that I will pass my stuff for them later on. I was lucky to have a great job before I had my kids. My husband also is lucky to have a great job as well. We’re thankful for what we have in our life. Traveling has built apprecitation, positivity toward life. It has also taught us “Outreach and Giving” more, something that I never share in my blog. It’s too much our personal to share here, but I think it’s ok. I like to be happy, peace, and friendlier world.

  62. Dru Says:

    @Hallie- I’m sorry you end up taking flak about your husband’s age online. I think I once snarked about your photographs on here, and for that I’m sorry- but I’ve always thought you and Bobby seemed genuinely affectionate, as far as one can tell from a photo.
    When your blog is a fashion blog, I don’t see the point in people criticising the non-fashion aspects of your life (in this case, your husband and son).

    @Cricket9- that sounds really sweet of your neighbour, and so sad that no one has acknowledged his kindness over all these years. I wish humans could be nicer to each other sometimes, too.

    @Hanh- like I said to Tina, you are not under any obligation to explain details of your finances (or your relationship) to us or justify your blog, but it’s your prerogative to defend yourself against the ignorant assumptions some people made. I would have done the same if I were in your place.

    @everyone- like Cricket9, I’m all for ‘can’t we get along’. Peace on earth, goodwill to men- and women- and all that.

  63. Gwen Says:

    One of my most favorite quotes is, “No act of kindness no matter how small is ever wasted”. It is my mission statement in my urology practice. I give a every employee a pewter paperweight with that on it.

    But at home, I have my paperweight on the kitchen windowsill alongside a small ACEO card some clever person made that says, “No husband has ever been shot while doing dishes”. It has a nice picture of a slim Caucasian man in an apron washing dishes.

    I am half Korean (bottom half for all those millions of people who always ask “which half?”) I must say that when people ask us how we met I always say “mail order bride”. I find this less shameful than admitting it was a blind date. I can’t help it. 22 years ago when we met “blind date” was synonymous with a very bad cologne called “Desperate”.

  64. Dont Forget The Y Says:

    Red lips! Red shirt! Red nails! I’m going to believe you were wearing red pants as well.

    I’m Asian and all this is hilarious. It’s so strange that there is this assumption that you have to like/support your “own kind” (ethnicity, whatever) no matter what. I can dislike and/or judge other Asian people and I surely don’t take offense when Whites, Blacks, Purples, or Reds do so either. Well, maybe the Purples. Plus this whole fiasco is amazing when SW didn’t even say anything racist to begin with.

    And clearly, Hallie needs advice on living her life. She’s such a horrible mother and horrible wife. That must be why her husband speaks her praises and her bubbly bouncy healthy baby boy looks so content all the time.

    I don’t like parents smoking, nekkid bath time photos on the web, and sometimes SW’s stance on things. That doesn’t mean I’m going to judge either of them. We all have our differences and preferences. Since when do you have to 100% support or 100% hate?

  65. Dont Forget The Y Says:

    Except if you call me Oriental. Then I will karate chop your jugular. I’m Asian, I know how.

  66. Artful Lawyer Says:

    Can I still dislike the trendy shoes? I think that is equal opportunity shoe hate.

  67. Danielle Says:

    My problem wasn’t pointing out that there are a group of Asian women who blog, but the comment regarding those women being mail order brides–which is not a comment SW posted, but a comment her reader posted. My comment and many other of the comments referred not to the mere presentation of a group of bloggers who were all Asian, but to the comment that referred to them as mail order brides which is an offensive way to refer to anyone. To refer to Asian women with white husbands as mail order brides is in fact a racist comment and I think most of us were reacting to that first comment. Calling a woman Asian or making a statement about a group of Asian bloggers regarding the content of their blogs is not racist.

    I am Asian and I was not offended that a bunch of Asian bloggers were written about and the fact that they were all Asian was pointed out. I would not be offended if the contents of their blogs were criticized. I don’t delude myself into thinking Asians are above reproach.

    But I was extremely annoyed by the mail order bride comment because it was so clearly unsubstantiated and seemed to be made just because these women were in interracial relationships. I am in an interracial relationship. I have a B.A. and I am working on a J.D. My boyfriend is in the same position. We expect to be fairly well-paid lawyers and have a bunch of kids and a nice house. Judging by his white hair and forming wrinkles, he will probably look 10 years older than me by the time we hit 35 though we are only 4 months apart. The idea that someone will look at me and think I am an uneducated woman who literally prostituted herself for US citizenship is appalling.

    I don’t think the post would have taken its turn in the comment section if it weren’t for that one comment, which I acknowledge was not posted by SW. I’m a big fan of the blog and I visit often. I’m not overly sensitive but I’m not going to be quiet if something legitimately pisses me off.

  68. Die Konigin Der Herzen Says:

    @Danielle. Wowzers. And there you have it!

  69. Lynn Says:

    Sister, Yes, equally ignorant and racist. I stand by it. At least that’s how I saw it.

    As for equally psycho? not really. Mr Freddy’s Mom takes the cake with that one.

  70. Claire Says:

    Aja – My response was with Sister Wolf and the three bloggers she picked out in mind, ‘fraid I missed anything directed at you. That certainly sounds like a bastardy mess.

  71. kate Says:

    i don’t have much to say about the progression of this conflict or whatever except to say that it is very interesting, thought provoking and hilarious.
    i guess this is the best place to voice how i feel about the general… issue… of asian women marrying rich white dudes..
    when i was in college my friend complained to me about white dudes hitting on her because she was asian, cute and small. it offended her that guys wanted a “hot asian girl,” and it didn’t seem to matter that it was her or any other hot asian girl. and then, like the cosmos making a point, i met a white dude right after that who totally unabashedly stated that he wanted to take asian studies courses to meat hot asian chicks. and THEN my COUSIN, a white dude, came right out and told me he was into asian chicks for their skinny, small breasted, small hipped bodies. and i was like, jesus. keep that shit to yourself. the topic was brought up in an asian studies class and apparently this bothers lots of asian women, and now i’m all offended for them (i’m basically white.)
    so i can’t help but be slightly offended? irked? put off? when i see white dude/hot asian chick pairings only because of this series of events. totally my problem, not hating on people and their relationships, not my business. but some things just stay with you.

  72. Kent Tilotta Says:

    Is it my web browser or the site, but I can only see part the post. How should I adjust this?

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