What Would David Bowie Do?

Once upon a time, a belligerent German who I will call “Herr Mengele” decided to send out threatening letters to a large group of bloggers around the word, demanding money for infringing on his ‘copyright’. The bloggers, along with a British online newspaper, had posted an image of some Victorian taxidermy art.

Herr Mengele insisted that while it wasn’t his taxidermy art, he has the copyright to the widely seen images. He included with his overwrought letters a cheap postcard of the image. He also included invoices of up to several thousand EU. He demanded that money be wired directly to his German bank account by an arbitrary date, after which he would sue for damages.

The bloggers were stunned. WTF? Herr Mengele replied to questions with nefarious threats like this one:

With great pleasure will I take you to the Courts, and will just wait a bit longer to eventually get over EUR 56.000 from you.

So you know with whom you are dealing: my ex-publisher NaimAttallah/Quartet can tell you a story or two about me, kicking my shoe ALL UP YOUR ASS if you step on my toes. My friend Jos Smit from Art Unlimited, who prints all my postcards, normally tells people who don’t know me (yet) Fear him !  ¬†Or/and interview Henk Schiffmacher aka Hanky Panky (c/o Hells Angels Amsterdam) etc .

Herr Mengele continues to send threats to this very day, and alas, some bloggers were so upset that they actually gave in to his demands and paid him! No one wants a German boot up their ass (despite Sylvia Plath’s observation to the contrary) and who among us wants to incur the wrath of a Hells Angel who is named after a fancy lace thong?!

Herr Mengele also claims copyright to some explicit photos of people with tattooed penises, putting them where they don’t belong (according to Judeo-Christian tenets and my own finicky digestive system.)

The photo above is a portion of one of Herr Mengele’s more interesting pictures, which I have modified for the purposes of discussion, education and satire (as per fair use.) Can you guess what it is?

Gazing upon the most recent communique from Herr Mengele’s “Lawyers,” I must ask myself what David Bowie would do. I think he would say:

Wir sind dann Helden!

Questions, comments, threats?

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51 Responses to “What Would David Bowie Do?”

  1. Lara Says:

    “finicky digestive system” ahahaha!
    I have been staring at that picture for far too long. No idea. Do I even want to know?

    I say fuck him and wait for Interpol to get in touch with you. I can’t believe people paid him! Those emails are threatening AND sound like spam scam email to extort money out of people.

  2. alittlelux Says:

    a douche? a boob? a pink snail? a balloon? an internal organ? some sort of sex toy? a tea pot? i’m stumped.

  3. Bessie the Buddha Cow Says:

    It’s a photo of Herr Mengele’s asshole with the heal end of my pink/red stiletto just barely showing.

  4. damaia Says:

    I’m trying to guess, but I’m grossing myself out. I give up.

  5. alicia Says:

    The US would have to extradite you to Germany for the trial. I don’t see this happening.

    Also, Herr Mengele has obviously never experienced the wrath of a LA gangster, even a lame one. Or you could just hire this girl: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zXz-tlK2pkI

  6. Andra Says:

    I know people in the toe-snapping gang in Australia. Have pliers will travel.
    Just give me the word. And, remember, a wink is as good as a nod, whatever that means.

  7. Aja Says:

    Oh my goodness. I just watched the girl in Alicia’s video. That is seriously depressing. Apparently she is mentally ill. Sister Wolf, I would advise you to ignore this nutbag. He sounds like he’s mentally ill as well.

  8. Marky Says:

    Is it a caterpillar’s eye?

    Whatever the case, ignore this crackpot. Soon, you’ll be receiving emails from him asking you for your social security number so you can claim your new iPad.

  9. Sister Wolf Says:

    Should I tell yet?

  10. sam Says:

    Yes, tell cos I need to eat sometime soon.

  11. Cricket9 Says:

    I have my suspicions (as in: a part of a male genitalia) but I’m grossing myself out too…please do tell.
    Just when you thing you’ve seen enough emails from deranged US nuts, there comes one from abroad.

  12. Crystal Says:

    Animal, vegetable, or mineral……..

  13. Ann Says:

    Spill it. What is that thing?!

    I wonder if he would try to find and sue me if I began gratuitously using his phrase “kicking my shoe ALL UP YOUR ASS.” I know several people who need to hear that.

  14. E Says:

    “I’ve never responded well to entrenched negative thinking.”
    David Bowie

    And my shoes are too good to be put up someones nether regions.
    Even the winkle-pickers.

  15. Tanya Says:

    Is it an enema?

  16. My Friend's House Says:

    Fear Him! It’d be funny if it wasn’t so intimidating. Who brings the Hell’s Angels into a legal dispute?
    Do you think, in a totally separate area of the blogosphere, unsuspecting bloggers who love to share pictures of penises with googly eyes are also getting targeted?
    x

  17. Cricket9 Says:

    OK, I’m going to say it and quickly forget Herr Mengele and his “artistic photos”: IMO, it’s some poor sod’s ball, in other words, a testicle. Bleh. Bleh. Bleh. Bleh.

  18. sisty Says:

    I thought it was a testicle also, but now I’m leaning more toward dickhead.

  19. candy Says:

    it’s part of a penis in erection through a pair of pants, but only the end part. I think, whatever that is, it is disgusting.

  20. Artful Lawyer Says:

    I just keep thinking of the ball gag from Pulp Fiction…

  21. Brunehilda Says:

    I spend a lot of time on the internet but I still get annoyed by how sleazy it is sometimes

    I feel like I can see the side of a pocket on a pair of jeans in that photo

  22. Sister Wolf Says:

    Brunehilda – Good eye!

    Artful Lawyer – HAHAHAHAHA!

  23. Sister Wolf Says:

    ALL NEW dramatic reading of Herr Mengele letter! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UHh81vQG2X8

  24. Andra Says:

    Well, I have looked at this dramatic reading. Even he has trouble keeping a straight face.
    Man is a loony.
    Somebody must have a gun, surely.
    Where’s a person with a gun when you need one?

  25. devin Says:

    Hahhhahhaha that was an amazing dramatic reading. And also, Lucas Rev is HOT. Just throwing that out there.

  26. Kimberley Says:

    I think its a hernia.

  27. Helent Says:

    I found the original and wish I hadn’t. Maybe it’s a self portrait which could explain the abboration of mind caused by restriction of blood to his brain.

  28. helen Says:

    aberation even – I put it down to shock.

  29. helen Says:

    spelt it wrong again – final attempt with aberration.

  30. Taylor Says:

    This is like a much, much more sick and twisted version of those e-mails where they ask you to “cash a check, then keep 12% for yourself, then wire the rest of the money to X bank account.” I’ll echo the sentiments of Brunehilda: I too spend a lot of time on the internet, but I’ll never cease being overwhelmed by the sleazeballs who use it as a tool to extort others. His use of “with great pleasure” is nauseating.

  31. Claire Says:

    I don’t think it should be that colour, I’ll tell you that.

  32. Cricket9 Says:

    No it shouldn’t, Claire, but when you extend it through mechanical means (I’m guessing here) so it hangs to your knees, and then extrude it through you pants’ pocket, that’s what you get. Bleh again.

  33. Cricket9 Says:

    That should be “your pants’”. Herr Mengele, your “artistic photos” of dead stuffed small animals playing games are so, so gemutlich, I’m sure Hitler would like them.

  34. Sister Wolf Says:

    devon – He is totally hot. Few men are as beautiful and charismatic. Check his videos.

    Helent – You are a great detective. I may need your services!

    Claire – I changed the colors to make it less icky. Hahahahahhaha.

    Cricket9 – Hitler would be glad that others are Hitlering around the internet bothering people, that’s for sure.

  35. Alicia Says:

    Is it peen in a zipper?

  36. annemarie Says:

    ALL UP YOUR ASS

  37. Sister Wolf Says:

    the answer is*** Testicle! ***

  38. Cricket9 Says:

    Well, didn’t I say it a while ago? I did. It’s still bleh.

  39. Ann Says:

    No testicle should be that color. Ever.

  40. pete the dog Says:

    Gruss Aus England….A dear friend of mine has had comms from this c**t too , practically word for word….. tho ”ze ‘ells angels” is a new and amusing twist ( for the US domestic market I assume….)
    This IMHO is a homespun bedroom version of the famous Getty images extortion letter scam , check out the ‘orrible cheap inkjet printed threatening letter and associated bullshit , hardly the work of a pro imagemaker eh….I would resist the temptation to tell Herr Steffi Rectum to go fuck himself, and simply ignore , ffs Don’t Respond.
    ps ..Quality you tube footage !!!!!
    pps….leave ‘orf…surely its a piece of shiny wax fruit…….
    toodle pip…Ptd

  41. Sister Wolf Says:

    Pete – Woof woof, woof! Woof woof woof woof woof fucking cunt woof. XOXO

  42. Sister Wolf Says:

    Ann – Let us not be judgemental about color. Although, IMO, a testicle should not protrude from a pocket.

    Is protrude the best word here? Help me out.

  43. pete the dog Says:

    Grrrrr Wuff Wufff..( wags tail a bit ..)

    incidentally , why would anyone carry a testicle in their pocket in the first place ..eh ??

  44. Cricket9 Says:

    …because they are total testicle-obsessed “mine is longer than yours” weirdos???

  45. damaia Says:

    “Why would anyone carry a testicle in their pocket in the first place?”

    This is the only answer I can come up with, courtesy of Grindhouse:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bdZSfDIlYYE&feature=related

  46. pete the dog Says:

    Those are pickled in a jar, loose in your pocket it wouldn’t keep very long, ok for a nutritious snack for lunch perhaps…..
    ….. It would make an excellent projectile to hurl in , say civil disobedience / riot / insurgency scenario…..Accompanied by the cry.. ‘Bollocks to You’ would be most effective I would say….

  47. Sister Wolf Says:

    Pete – Hahahahhahah! If only! Arf.

  48. sisty Says:

    I think the word you’re looking for is “extrude,” which suggests that some force, or pressure, was necessary to get it into the shape (and color) it’s in.

  49. Sister Wolf Says:

    sisty – Extrude is good, also “escape?”

  50. sisty Says:

    “Give me your tired, your poor
    Your strangled balls yearning to breathe free…..”

    Yeah, “escape” works, too — provided you think that balls have a mind of their own.

  51. Miss C Says:

    He’s tried it on with me too – email me strength in numbers

    http://cakeheadlovesevil.wordpress.com/2011/10/03/getting-sued-for-blogging/

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