The Lesser of Two Evils

I have PTSD and the world is going to hell, but for the moment I’m choosing to focus on other matters. For example, here is a challenging dilemma:

Who is more annoying. Gwyneth or Chloe?

On the one hand, Gwyneth has that awful website and now she has a recording contract as a country-western singer.

On the other hand, Chloe has her stupid fashion line for Opening Ceremony and that hipster lifestyle.

Gwyneth has the rock-star husband and the unforgivable names of her children. But Chloe has no talent and she looks like she needs a good hot bath. Each of them is a grating irritant in the oyster of my psyche,  neither  producing a pearl.   I would say it’s closer to a blister. I hate them both.

Don’t get caught up on the word “hate,” if that bother you.   Just tell me who you find more annoying, and why.

Ready, set, go.

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65 Responses to “The Lesser of Two Evils”

  1. regularstarfish Says:

    I actually find Gwyneth kind of humorous in the sense that she’s just so damn clueless to how 99.9999% of the rest of the world lives. I definitely think Chloe is the worst because she looks so DIRTY all the time.

    What is it with hipsters who can afford to look cleaned up and just don’t? How and when did that become attractive and something to aspire toward? And by the way, what’s the big deal with that stupid Opening Ceremony place anyway? It’s like the non-online version of ShopBop: Overpriced crap for rich hipsters.

  2. Miggs Says:

    Gwyneth, by a long way. Chloe’s delusion comes from people telling her how fucking amazing she is, but Gwyneth’s delusion is from telling herself how fucking amazing she is.

  3. EJ Says:

    Chloe. Her face just annoys me. I am that irrational. Also, I agree with Irregularstarfish completely.

  4. library lady Says:

    Well, it’s hard, because Gwyneth blew it for me with her blubbing at the Oscars in the ill-fitting dress. Shudder, cringe. And the kids’ names just cemented it.

    However, Chloe has always made me want to scream: “the Emperor has no clothes!”. Or rather “the Empress of hipsters has really terrible clothes”. Everybody was always banging on about how cool her style was, and i always thought she looked horrible 99% of the time. I just didn’t get what everyone saw – it was like she grabbed a random assortment of the ugliest clothes donated to charity and put them on in the dark. I think maybe she doesn’t looks quite as awful any more, but maybe we’re all just used to that look by now.

    Another person the above could refer to besides Chloe is the character of Carrie in Sex & the City – although at least she wasn’t a real person. But that stylist from the show *is* (and a person who aggressively defended the recent Galliano Hitler outburst as harmless theatre, at that).

    Anyway, back to your question: Insipid annoyance vs. hipper-than-thou irritation: i think i’m between a rock and hard place on that one, sorry.

  5. Helen Says:

    I actually like them both. Not actively or in in any idolizing way, but I just find the dislike for them so irrational and wonder what purpose it serves for so many people to say they “dislike Chloe’s face” etc. I found Sevigny’s acting good in both Gummo and Boys Don’t Cry, and I really liked Paltrow in The Royal Tenenbaums (who wouldn’t?).
    I can imagine a hundred more irritating people. And at least they are involved in lots of different projects and seem to enjoy what they do rather than just spend their time trying to be relevant with the help of staged paparazzi photos and red carpet-appearances. The whole American celebrity-culture is questionable, but if I was in their position, I’d also try to dabble in as many interesting things I could.

  6. Elaine Says:

    Both of them irritate me and I don’t get the appeal. They just seem caught up in their self-inflating egos.
    For now I will say Gwyneth because of the whole country singer thing. I had a little respect for her for speaking about post-partum depression.
    Chloe “Seven-ay” will be interesting to watch as she grows older. What do hipsters develop into?

  7. sheri Says:

    Chloe. The vapid expression on her face makes me feel queasy. Or it pisses me off. I can’t decide.

  8. Rackk and Ruin Says:

    Chloe has amazing legs. who cares if she’s annoying, i’d kill for those gams.

  9. Caro Says:

    Gwynnie, in the same way that Julie Roberts drives me ballistic. Something about them both gives of this vibe that they are thinking, ‘ I live my life with an organic, Balinese tree-oil infused based passion you regulars will never understand!’ (with Julie Roberts cringy laugh there too).

    Can we give special recognition to the moment when JF presented Denzel Washington his Oscar, but somehow managed to make it all about her?

  10. sam Says:

    Colonel Gaddafi is annoying me at the moment.

  11. Make Do Style Says:

    Of course you have PTSD and I am more concerned about that then the stupid two above. But as you are forcing me to choose I’m going to prefer Gwyneth on the basis she does wash.

  12. Witch Moma Says:

    Agree w/Make Do. In 10 years Gwyneth will still be “in the biz” & able to laugh @ some of her past choices. Chloe will be forgotten.

  13. Juli Says:

    Chloe all the way. I’ve actually always like Gwyneth. Stems from going to see Great Expectations on Valentine’s Day when I was 17. Chloe is annoyingly smug. Whenever Gwyneth does or says anything annoying I just chalk it up to the stresses of being famous and leave it at that.

  14. CW Says:

    I’m about to sway all your readers with this one…prepare yourself…Gwynnie is pimping her just released cookbook! No. I’m serious.

    Why does she think she’s God’s gift to the world in the arenas of country singing, cooking, health, raising a family etc, just because she’s been a successful actress in Hollywood? I honestly don’t know how she lives with herself.

    Also, “Gwyneth” has got to be the most pretentious name on the planet.

  15. honeypants Says:

    Chloe, hands down. At least Gwyneth is probably nice. Chloe’s just a filthy hipster cunt who needs to be punched. Not that I even saw Kids, but I know about her stupidity in that. And then there was her pathetic attempt to be cool by dating Jarvis Cocker in the late 90s. Then there was her role on Big Love. Was she trying to be ironic? (not that I watched it, but it seems like it would be her motivation for playing a Mormon wife). Again, she just looks like a smug fucking cunt and I really wanna punch her right in her dopey face!!!

  16. Muffy Says:

    Sister, please go ahead and tell me to get fucked.

    Why do women diss other women? This post is pretty sorority house. Fuck that, who cares about either Gwyneth or Chloe. Women should be ranting about cocksuckers like Charlie Sheen, who can beat the shit out of women and get away with it, and then charge douchebags to hear his rants….point being women should support one another regardless and start taking a stand about important shit like domestic violence, instead of dissing a cookbook or a clothing line.

  17. Caroline Says:

    While I agree on speaking out against domestic violence and other awful things, if this post is just talking about 2 of the many annoying people out there. These woman are annoying to people and I support calling out overly smug people regardless of gender. 😉

  18. Caroline Says:

    oops ignore my poor grammar in that first sentence.

  19. Miss M Says:

    I like Chloe, she has a quirky off beat style and it works for her, i like seeing a woman is her 30s wearing leather shorts and totally rocking it. Plus she is one of the only celebrities i’ve spotted hanging out at the local indie bars i hang at when she is in town. so, cool points for her from me.

    +Miss M+

  20. Kelly Says:

    Chloe has retained the ability to be cast in something interesting. Gwynnie has cast herself in roles she is not qualified to handle. Chloe may not be able to handle that plum role in her future, but at least she is part of the discussion. Gwynnie is right out.

  21. kt Says:

    They are both equally annoying in their respective talentless ways. However I think this sums up Chloe pretty nicely:

  22. BrattyDuke Says:

    Score one for Gwyneth:

  23. Helen Says:

    CW – Just curious, why is so wrong for Gwyneth to sing (after her singing role in a film was a success), cook, raise a family and be involved in health (which, after all, is a part of her work as a Hollywood actress – working out and staying fit – which I found refreshing amidst all the unhealthy starvation). I like to do a lot of different things when I have the possibility and have no problem with “living with myself”. I understand that she often comes off pompous and annoying, but the reason you mentioned for hating her is strange – what’s wrong with doing different things – all of those pretty normal by the way.

    Honeypants – “Not that I even saw Kids, but I know about her stupidity in that.” – I’m really interested in what you mean with that! I thought everybody in Kids did a good job acting – at times I even had trouble thinking it was staged rather than documentary – and I can’t imagine what could signal “stupidity” if you haven’t even seen the film.

  24. Make Do Style Says:

    Dear Muffy re Charlie Sheen, we do and do speak out about it. This post is a distraction for Sister Wolf. We need to amuse her during her grief & PTSD. go on admit you think Chloe needs a good scrub.

  25. Helen Says:

    I meant ” why is it”, not “why is” in my comment above. Pardon!

  26. ellio100 Says:

    chloe pisses me off more, i think. It’s what she brings out in others – just last week I read an old interview with her in which the interviewer banged on about how cool she was. Chloe is the accepted face of the pseudo-alternative and she looks just like everyone else, except grubby.
    Gwyneth doesn’t rile me as much… I kind of like that she keeps on regardless of the amount she gets the piss taken out of her. And she’s easier to ignore!

  27. Dru Says:

    Eh, I don’t mind Gwyneth Paltrow (though that Best Actress Oscar was undeserved, she gets a pass from me for being in Great Expectations), and I actually like Chloe- she’s a good actress, and I’ve always found her dress sense interesting.

    Also, Sister, by what definition is Coldplay even a “rock” band anymore? Unless it’s rock for bedwetters, as I read in a review somewhere.

  28. Muffy Says:

    Okay MakeDo, I will play, and did not mean to break the Sister’s balls with my rant. Chloe is a smug bitch and I fully believe that Karma smacks smugness in her own time. I will admit that Gwyneth’s character in the Royal Tennenbaums was amusing.

    I just felt that women trashing other women is not a sport that I particularly enjoy as I observe each and every fucking day in corporate america.

    Sister please forgive. Makedo, thanks for calling me on my shit.

  29. Ann Hooker Says:

    They are both extreme irritants. I would have to say that Gwynnie slightly edges out Chloe, because she is everywhere you turn these days. Have you seen her completely white house??? With KIDS??? How is this possible?

  30. ali Says:

    would’ve said chloe about a year ago- gwyneth was kind of aware that she (and her website) were kind of a joke for a while there…. gwyneth sucks a lot more now that she’s had a glee revival and she humped ceelo green’s piano…

    chloe is more fun to me now that i’ve discovered the NY hipster blogs that talk a lot of shit about her.

  31. Andra Says:

    I know nothing about either of them and I don’t give a fuck!!

  32. Racer Says:

    As much as it bothers me how unattractive Chloe is, it’s gwenyth that pisses me off. Rich and friggen clueless. And I dig the dirty look. Yeah, I could be clean with brushed hair but I prefer my knotty hair nast.

  33. Suspended Says:

    Gwynnie wins it for me. I disliked her until I made the mistake of watching that shit Sylvia Plath movie, then my dislike turned to deep-seated aversion. If she’s in something, I’ll avoid it.

    Chloe is a mess. Always has been.

    Who the fuck is Julie Roberts?

  34. Catherine Says:

    At the moment I find Gwyneth more annoying, she is doing so much promotion for that cookbook and shoving her happy homemaker schtik down our throats.
    Though Chloe blew Vincent Gallo on film and had a hand in starting the hipster clone army so, Chloe for the win!

  35. Cat Says:

    I think Chloe is the worst, if not only for the fact that she always has the same look. No, I don’t mean the same “look”-look, I mean her damn face has the same expression and the same downwards-tilted angle at ALL frikkin’ times! WHAT IS UP WITH IT?! By the way I can see the uncanny resemblance between the girl in the second photo and Chloe Seviggyneee (or whatever her name is) but it cannot possible be Chloe – this girl looks a like she has taken a shower in the last week or so!!

  36. Tallulah Eulallie Says:

    Michael K over at dlisted calls Gwynnie “Fish Sticks” (“Fishie”, for short), because she’s long and thin, and pale and bland, just like a fishstick. I tend to agree; I just can’t manage to work up enough energy to hate a fishstick. I can think of a few others I’d like to choke the shit out of, though.

  37. Andra Says:

    Tallulah honey, I think insipid was the word he was looking for.
    That’s all I see when I look at that Gwyneth person.

  38. B Says:

    Chloe is more annoying. I feel Gwen may have a sense of humour??

  39. Ann Says:

    Gwyneth, for me. She’s constantly in my damn face lately. Goop this and cookbook that and country singing this and fake marriage to the lead singer of a most mediocre band that. She bugged the shit out of me in Iron Man and every other movie I have ever seen her in, including Royal Tenenbaums.

    Chloe is a non-entity.

  40. style odyssey Says:

    i don’t really mind chloe. she doesn’t bother me.
    gwyneth is another story. gwyneth is perhaps a lovely and interesting person, and of course i don’t know her and i don’t like to judge. so i will say this: i don’t care for her acting. i don’t like…how shall i say…her celebrity persona. she does not interest me.

  41. Sam Says:

    I’m sorry to say that I can not tell them apart. [I am not an old fart!] They are simply indistinguishable minor actresses, sez this childe of the 80s.

  42. Aja Says:

    I’m sorry, I find Gwyneth Paltrow really smug. Which sucks because I want to like her so badly. I really do. I like her style, I love her movie roles but her newsletter arrives in my mailbox and I groan. She has no idea how to be relate to the masses and her attempts leave me annoyed. “Ooooh, here’s pictures of the apartment that this movie budget built for me to live in for two months and it looks like something none of you will ever be able to afford . . . it’s soooooo stressful being me”. I don’t understand the Chloe hate for the life of me. She doesn’t strike me as smug at all. I’ve seen her out and about when I used to live in NYC and she’s just as low key as ever. Can you ever see Gwyneth Paltrow eating at a diner like Vaselka quietly in a corner? Nah . . . she’d want the place to herself. Oh yeah, that’s what really did it for me and Gwyneth Paltrow! When I lived in London the Topshop in Oxford Circus would close to the public so she could shop in peace. What a pile of bullshit. You want to dress like the masses, try shopping with them, rich girl. Also if you google “I hate Gwyneth Paltrow” you’ll get about a billion hits. I really want to like her, but she just can’t stop coming across as in love with herself (and her wealth) . Maybe I have her pegged wrong, but that’s the vibe I’m picking up. If she just takes it down a notch with the “it’s so tough being rich” act, I might love her forever.

  43. Sofia Says:

    Gwyneth- Chloe doesn’t send out an email newsletter to tell just how fabulous she is. Whilst they are both annoying, Gwyneth seems to try harder to rub your face in it.

  44. Cricket9 Says:

    I ignore bout of them – but I don’t get a t all Chloe’s apparently “amazing” style, “IT girl” (an expression that makes me puke) and “fashion icon” role. Maybe she has an amazing style and is all that, but I’m for sure missing it completely. Regarding annoyance factor – could someone please make all the Kardashians disappear from the face of the Earth forever, PLEASE?

  45. Aja Says:

    Ugh Gwyneth stop, stop, stop. Get a PR person who will teach you how to appeal to the masses:

  46. Catherine Says:

    That just proves how out of touch she is. I’m not denying she works hard for what she has but being born into privledge helped her more that working her skinny ass ever could.

  47. K-Line Says:

    I really want to hate Gwyneth but I think she’s just trying to live out her life – albeit in the spotlight and somewhat smugly. (Her music has to stop.) Chloe wins this round. I’ve seen her line up close and it irritates me, no end.

  48. sisty Says:

    Put ’em both on the plane, I say, along with their hairdresser.

  49. patni Says:

    I don’t really “get” chloe… she has not really acted in a whole lot has she? and she just of looks like high rent hipster as far as style goes. Kind of like Courtney love tried to do at one point before she just collapsed into tragic again.

  50. patni Says:

    I don’t really “get” chloe… she has not really acted in a whole lot has she? and she just of looks like high rent hipster as far as style goes. Kind of like Courtney love tried to do at one point before she just collapsed into tragic again.

    But Gwynnie? eugh. Her acting is lame at best. She hangs out with Madonna and plays the pretending to be English game, names her children after produce, and sends out a newsletter telling me how to live my life. Well, if I was a rich, tall blond with parents in the entertainment industry, maybe her stupid tips on how to starve yourself in the name of nutrition would of some use, but as I am short, born to parents that love me but are not exactly hollywood royalty, and have dyed, frizzy black hair a fat ass , a thin bank account and a bad attitude, they are not really my thing. I am pretty sure my rental apt would not approve of her decorating crap either.
    I abhor her, her patronizing natural earth mother schtick makes me cringe, and her husband’s band sucks.
    So, um… I guess i vote Gwynneth.

  51. patni Says:

    oops… somehow half of that came out twice. Sorry.

  52. patni Says:

    On the other hand, sorry Sister Wolf, PTSD sucks. I had it, thanks to a joyful marriage and a kind loving ex husband. Unlike the other terrible things you have experienced, this is one that really can be helped and get better with time.

  53. sonja Says:

    don’t cha know Gwinnie is just a regular working mother faced with all the challenges every working mother faces? Just ask her. ahahaha!

  54. kellie Says:

    this is a tough choice to make. I think I hate Gywn more. she is boring, her husband is boring and I dont think she is a beauty at all.

    CS is irritating, and thinks of herself as a fashion icon. I think she looks like shit most of the time. and I wouldnt wear what she does if you PAID me.

    you really picked a toughie to decide who gets more of my hate….

  55. RedHeadFashionista Says:

    Chloe. Who even IS she?
    Thoughts are with you, Sister.

  56. Neyra Says:


  57. Layla Says:

    hmm, I actually like Gwyneth – but she has had terrible taste in boyfriends, sorry!! (I hate how Colplay sounds most of the time too, never saw the appeal in it-??)

    Chloe – not sure who she is (had to Google her lol!) She does look smug/arrogant & slightly irritating, yup! And anyone who actually acted in American Psycho deserves a vote-down, no?

    Agree with Helen & Muffy otherwise – I think it’s great people do different things, I mean, why not? (Even if the results are sub-par… or if it’s not what you’d expect.. I’d never cast Gwyneth as Sylvia Plath but hey – I think she may have related to the role, think she kinda had depression issues and such in the past too.. kind of like Madonna wanted to play Evita?)

    Chloe deserves kudos for braving extra short skirts and shorts at 36, no? 😉 Though that do es kinda make her even a bit more irritating, hehe.. :)

  58. Layla Says:

    Oops typo – *does* in that last sentence..

    Just read Chloe has had scoliosis too.. crap! Things like that make’em more human, no?

    With all said, they still seem kinda interesting women…? lol
    Thanks for making me google them up! haha..

    And it’s inspiring what they have managed to achieve despite their shortcomings and struggles and all, no?

  59. Marky Says:

    Does this answer your question?

  60. Aja Says:

    I feel like Gwyneth has won this! Hurrah! I knew she could do it!

  61. Jessie K Says:

    Gwyneth, hands down. I find Chloe utterly innocuous. She doesn’t try to be all things to all people (lifestyle director, cookbook author, fitness impresario, country western singer (is that a joke??).

    On the one hand, I admire Gwyneth’s gumption. She’s rightly trying to fashion a second act for herself now that she can no longer play the role of the ingenue; great roles for women over 35-40 are, sadly, still the exception not the rule. Unfortunately, she’s so smug and anal retentive about all of it, and with her clarion calls for CLEANSES and crap like that, it makes it hard for me to root for her.

    By the way, love your writing, love your blog.

  62. carmencatalina Says:

    For me, there is no question.

    If you look in the dictionary under the word “smug”, there you will find an image of Gwyneth. May her colon be cleansed in perpetuity.

  63. Bengali Says:

    They are both so bland, if they were a flavour of crisps they would both be ready salted. I fuckin hate Katy Perry though. She’s as irritating as thrush.

  64. vancouverista Says:

    Both are irritating. However, you will like and understand Chloe so much more if you watch ‘Big Love.’ She made that show. She did play an awful person on it though.

  65. Cat Says:

    Chloe herself might be annoying, not that I’ve ever looked into her personality before, but I LOVE her line of shoes for OC. She might be getting tons of help in the designing process, but either way, she clearly has SOME form of talent, or at least good visions.

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