Weiner Dog

Anthony Weiner is a gift from god for people like me who are struggling with depression.   His predicament (no pun intended) is so bizarre and tawdry, and yet  Shakespearean. If character is destiny, Weiner is screwed, or as he would put it, “First I’ll make you gag on my cock before I make you cum.”

Let me say first that I was on his side, in terms of refusing to resign, until I read the text of his online chats with women he’d never met and had no intention of meeting.

It wasn’t the fact that he was a reckless horndog that provoked my disapproval. I was ready to accept the fact that the internet is an irresistible siren song to anyone with a “weakness.” Whether it’s a weakness for shopping, for social networking, for gambling or for porn, the internet makes it  perilously  convenient to indulge.

According to friends I discussed this with, “sexting” is now common among fifty percent of teenagers. It’s a Brave New World out there, where not much is considered too personal, not to mention sacred.

I will admit to chatting online in a flirtatious manner.   Years ago I was chatting with someone who suddenly suggested “Send me a picture of your C**T” and the word was not cunt. I was so stunned and horrified, I shut the chat window and felt deeply shaken. I had no idea that people spoke to strangers like this. I learned that it’s the wild west out there online.

With Weiner, I imagined his sexy chat was something along the lines of “Baby, You’re so pretty, What are you wearing?” Big deal. Maybe he’s bored when his wife is busy and he’s just having a little tame sexy banter…. I don’t feel that calls for his resigntion, since it’s his personal business and he didn’t run for the Priesthood. Better to have a politition with a sex drive than Bush or Nixon, who seemed more interested in abusing the constitution than in getting laid.

But no matter what liberal   principles you think you have, it all goes to hell once you read Weiner’s raunchy efforts at seduction.   The deal breaker for me was “Pussy Juice.” It’s just a big NO in my world.   You can’t listen to a congressman talking about jobs or taxes or healthcare once he’s said Pussy Juice.   It’s over. He is toast.

So basically, for me at least, it comes down to literary aesthetics rather than any moral judgement. Sexting online isn’t a crime that would make someone unfit to serve as a congressman or mayor. Sending pictures is pretty lame but again, no real harm. Lying about it is only natural: You would want to avoid embarrassing your family. But a man’s game does reflect his sensibility. And “Pussy Juice” cannot be condoned. If only he could have said “Are you wet?” instead.

I cannot emphasize this enough but it must be repeated: Words matter! Choose them like everyone’s looking.

Opinions or objections?

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37 Responses to “Weiner Dog”

  1. Heidi Says:

    Yuck! Porn screws so many minds. WTF?!? I utterly loathe the porn mentality and the fact that so many stupid, unoriginal people take their sexual cues from it.

    I am so disappointed he was this stupid. Shit, the man was fighting the truly good fight, and now any attention directed at Clarence Thomas and his abuses of power have now been forgotten because of this stupid shit.

  2. skye Says:

    Pussy juice still sounds more appetising than wheatgrass.

  3. This guy Says:

    He never set himself up as some kind of pillar of moral superiority or whatever so really, even if the chats are not the kind of thing that turn us on (who the hell are we to judge what other people do online? and it was between consenting adults so what is the huge deal and why am I even typing about it?) this should’ve stayed between him and his wife. It’s their issue.

  4. David Duff Says:

    Objection!

    ‘Sis’, why are you so nervous about taking a moral stand? You shy away from it like a nervous horse in front of a ditch. The man is a serial liar and cheat and both of those faults qualify him as immoral. Stop worrying about your post-modernist, radical-chic, right-on credentials and call a spade a bloody shovel – he’s immoral. If you are simply going to judge people’s fitness on the basis of good or bad taste then you are welcome to the nihilistic jungle you will (do already?) inhabit.

  5. Make Do Style Says:

    The term he used is a deal breaker and what an insidious man anyway. What is it with thee guys whose dicks rule their heads – idiot! As for it staying with his wife – sorry but he was probably using public funded time/equipment etc. to do this so nope the tax payer needs to know!

  6. Ann Says:

    Very poor terminology, agreed. His banter was tiresome at best.

    To me, the very worst part of this whole situation is the credence it lends to Andrew Breitbart.

  7. David Duff Says:

    Do you mean, Ann, that reporters reporting the truth are to be frowned upon if they happen to be Right-wing reporters?

  8. Jill Says:

    I want to know what the C word was if it wasn’t cunt.

  9. Heidi aka Fuzzy Says:

    David, I can’t speak for Ann, but perhaps she just means bottom feeding “journos” guilty of deceptive practices and dishonesty. That would be my guess.

    And yes, Ann, I agree. I was so hoping this would all backfire in his face and he would just go away, which he was poised to do after the Shirley Sherrod mess. Now this stupid shit eclipses that whole shameful incident and he’s taken seriously. :(

  10. Ann Says:

    No, I mean Andrew Breitbart’s record of accuracy through now has been poor at best. He is known for his selective editing and this victory gives him an air of legitimacy that I don’t particularly feel is deserved.

  11. Liz!! Says:

    Hah, I’m not even disturbed on a moral level. We never want to imagine our politicians stooping down to this level. I wouldn’t even be able to take him seriously during a debate.

    He would talk about health care, and I would just yell “PUSSY JUICE! HE WANTS YOUR PUSSY JUICE!”

  12. Jonathan Says:

    I think you are extremely naive to think that every single politicians doesnt use the words “pussy juice.” Get over it and get laiddddddddddd

  13. Daniel Eaton Says:

    He has a nice cock! Did you see it?

  14. Heidi aka Fuzzy Says:

    This is an interesting point raised. http://www.alternet.org/story/151254/the_breitbart_effect:_why_weiner%27s_boring_%28non-%29_sex_scandal_is_getting_more_play_than_republicans%27_sordid_sexcapades?akid=7080.257963.skETnI&rd=1&t=12

  15. liz Says:

    She said “”I was very shocked at the beginning,” she told “Inside Edition.” “I would want to talk politics. But he would turn it creepy.”

    Is it just me or does she turn it “creepy” way before he does?

  16. Juri Says:

    Apart from that one unfortunate slip his erotic prose was brave, original and painfully honest in its self-reflection and exposure. It was nice for a change to read a chat transcript from someone who did not repeat the usual “I have a small dick and I can’t really get it up”, “I’m also afraid of intimacy and women generally freak me out, especially when they’re naked,” or the classic “I ejaculate prematurely. Usually on myself.”

    Speaking of confessions, I kind of like the blackjack dealer. She seems to be drunk quite often and she works at a casino. I think we’re a match made in heaven.

  17. annemarie Says:

    I feel sorry for the poor bastard, and especially for his wife. But I don’t understand how he didn’t know that this stuff would one day become public. It always does. All living creatures have smut-radars built into their brains. Even my dog, who is content to look out the living room window all day, sits and cries outside the bedroom door when I have sex.

    John Edwards is far worse than Weiner. I know someone who quit their job to campaign for him in 2008. He should be water-boarded with pussy juice.

  18. Tina Says:

    Love this post! (:

  19. Witch Moma Says:

    Objection. This guy makes Beavis & Butthead look mature. I have no idea how he stays employed.

  20. Liz!! Says:

    His wife is totally hot. I’m straight and I’d treat her better than he did! She must be mortified, to say the least.

    By the way, Juri, bravo. I couldn’t stop laughing for a minute or so.

  21. TheShoeGirl Says:

    HAHAHAHAHA!!!! Pussy juice makes me think of that dude in 40 Year Old Virgin saying “Rusty Trombone, Dirty Sanchez… Pussy Juice Cocktail.”
    So gross.

    I totally agree. This guy is nuts (buh dum- chhhh!)

  22. Sister Wolf Says:

    Skye – Oh god no.

    This guy – I agreed with you. But in the end, it reveals a sensibility so puerile, so knuckle-headed, he may as well be Sarah Palin.

    Ann – Hahahaha, yes. And yes, that fucker Breitbart is an enraging scumbag.

    Jonathan – You need to think about punctuation and plural nouns but I thank you for your concern about my sexual needs. I can assure you that my husband is an officer and a gentleman whose bedroom prose is impeccable.

    Daniel Easton – Why don’t you friend him on facebook! You might have a shot at it!

    David – Wait! I am no nihilist. And I care about morality. In this case though, my duties as a Wordist trump everything else.

  23. todd Says:

    stfu all of you scrotefaced trolls

  24. Andra Says:

    Annmarie

    What makes you think it all comes out?
    I wonder just what is going on with all this indiscriminate emailing and texting and tweeting, etc.
    I rather think this is just the tip of the iceberg.
    I don’t care who does what to whom among consenting adults but I just don’t understand the compulsion to tell the world about it.
    Wikileaks is just the start. There is a whole new, worldwide business here in leaking this drivel and another world full of people just waiting to ooh and aah over it and feel self-righteous.
    Sis, if it all comes down to words, personally I think c.nt is a much, much worse word than cl.t.
    So, there you go. To each his own.

  25. Cricket9 Says:

    Hmm. The only comment I have is – unlike annemarie’s dog, my late dog used to discreetly leave the room at any sign of a, what do you call it – hanky-panky. Another couple of our friends confirmed that their rottweiler was doing that that too.

  26. Sister Wolf Says:

    Juri – Stay here! We need you.

  27. hortense Says:

    Weiner lost me when he repeatedly failed to employ his surname for flirtatious double entendre. Gag rule.

  28. Dexter VanDango Says:

    I once asked my then-wife to talk dirty to me. She said, “Okay, shithead..”

    People should be obscene but not heard..

  29. Dexter VanDango Says:

    If there was a perfume named Pussy Juice we men wouldn’t have to stumble around desperately looking for a birthday gift for you. And nose-wise the fragrance would no doubt beat 99% of what’s already on the market..

    ..of course you might not want to wear it to large cocktail parties or family gatherings..

  30. Cricket9 Says:

    Dexter, there is a perfume named “Sexual” with some weird umlaut or some such over the “u”, I don’t know how to reproduce it on my keyboard. That probably makes the perfume more refined?
    I started to laugh out loud when a perfume lady at Sears asked if I want to try the new perfume – “it’s called Sexual!”
    I imagine the looks from my coworkers who like to ask “what’s that fragrance you are wearing”? “Oh, I’m wearing Sexual!”. If I remember, “Pussy Juice” would beat it nose-wise.

  31. Dru Says:

    I just feel bad for his wife – she’s crazily accomplished and crazily hot, and still the jackass has to go looking elsewhere.

    Oh, well – at least she has a boss who’s successfully weathered multiple sex scandals involving her husband, and Hillary Clinton is probably an excellent source of advice on how to deal.

  32. JK Says:

    All this is too funny for some of my acquaintances from over there, they say [not in the same language of course] “Ya’ll are silly.”

    “In the United States, sexual desire is considered a distraction from the hard work of governing. Politicians are supposed to be pure, or at least strive to be. Americans have proved time and again that they see a politician’s cheating in marriage as tantamount to cheating on the voters and the country. Even the most innocently playful banter can have negative consequences.”

    http://www.foreignpolicy.com/articles/2011/06/10/liberte_egalite_virilite

  33. Jaimi Says:

    I’m pretty bummed because I liked him. See his fierce, impassioned speech about the 9/11 healthcare bill: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4zwCMf8dsc

    I don’t know how I feel about this. Sex scandals are a dime a dozen in the age of information (a Brave New World, indeed). ‘Pussy juice’ is just so grody and creeptastic. But…he didn’t kill anybody, didn’t start an illegal war, didn’t commit war crimes or human rights violations, doesn’t seem to have violated anyone without their consent, so… I don’t know. It’d be pretty interesting if he didn’t resign.

  34. liz (the who cares girl) Says:

    I’m still stuck on the 4-letter c-word. “clit”? don’t tell me it was “cock”.

  35. Sister Wolf Says:

    Jaimi -Yeah, I think you’re right. I’ve calmed down about it but the rest of the world has grown more blood-thirsty toward Weiner. I wish he wouldn’t resign.

    liz – Hahahaha, bingo. Cock would have been better though.

  36. Sister Wolf Says:

    annemarie – No, let him enjoy receiving some bukaki. He doesn’t deserve any more pussy juice.

  37. RLC Says:

    Is it weird that I could care less about this sort of thing? Not the actual scandal, of course, I’m totally fascinated by it, and by the woman involved who appears to a) be drunk all the time, and b) possess the enviable ability to type an email to someone while being stimulated sexually by a third party, and also to somehow make that third party ok with the fact that she is clearly pretending he is called Anthony. I just mean I’m from Australia and if it turned out one of my favourite politicians had a secret S+M dungeon under his house and liked to be smacked with his own shoes while he jerked off and wept, it would be totally fine with me as long as he was doing his actual job well?

    I agree with you about “pussy juice” though. What a godawful visual that is.

    That said, the least attractive word anyone has ever used in bed is not even dirty – one time, in the “throes of passion” a dude once made some complimentary remarks about “your vagina” and needless to say it was all over. I don’t have a problem with the word vagina, just in that context it was so…clinical. So maybe “pussy juice” is not that bad.

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