Ask a Man

ASK A MAN #102: ABOUT NAGGING

“How do I make it sound less like nagging and more like reminding?”
-Sam

“It is of Hebrew origin, and the meaning of Samuel is ‘God heard’. Also possibly as ‘requested of God…’”

-thinkbabynames.com

While I’m no expert in regards to dude-on-dude relationships, I’m going to assume that your domestic partnership is just like the traditional male-female relationship only with 100% more man parts involved. Actually since monogomy is as mythical and rare as the female orgasm, most relationships have more knobs involved than your typical mosh pit but fewer than a Congressional session.

Since you’re asking the question instead of giving out answers I’m guessing you take on the female role in your partnership so my advice to you is to use your supernatural ability to imagine ways to improve interior decoration schemes, but use this skill to imagine yourself as the dominant partner. Imagine yourself running around and doing things, making decisions, dealing with immediate situations like bear attacks or “bear” attacks, driving well, and staving off the advancement of the French by recreating log traps you saw in that Swiss Robinson movie. I think there were net traps as well, but few things are as satisfying as felling trees and trimming them down to their trunks, then arranging them using your Y chromosome-endowed engineering skills in a precariously balanced heap in order to crush your enemies like so much foie gras! I don’t know for sure what foie gras is, but it sounds as if it’s mushy and French, so that’s what I meant by that last simile.

So anyway, imagine yourself out there doing things like stacking up gigantic logs and suddenly this person who knows everything but can’t stack logs and doesn’t even uderstand why you’re out there stacking logs in the first place, this person comes out to remind you that… Look, it’s like I can’t even imagine what would need to be reminded about because everything that’s important is being dealt with.

So what you should do is bring out a beer or, in your case, a wine cooler, because stacking logs is sweaty work, then praise the progress on the log trap, hand over the wine cooler, and then as your “husband” takes a swig, look with love and longing at the bulge in his plum-smuggler shorts, and then remind him of whatever it is you happen to think is so important that you have to interrupt the all-important task of shoring up domestic defense against the incursion of foreign threats.

And even though this is the best possible way to “make it sound less like nagging,” it’s still nagging and you shouldn’t do it. He heard your request the first time.

Question answered.

 © 2011 Anthony Robert Russo

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12 Responses to “Ask a Man”

  1. mimi Says:

    if he heard the request the first time, he should follow through then dammit! :P

  2. Sister Wolf Says:

    Without wishing to start something, I sometimes think they ignore to provoke nagging, thus casting you as either a bitch or His Mother.

  3. Sista Coyote Says:

    Meh.

  4. harmreduction Says:

    I know quite a few people named “Sam”, some of them very female. ‘Course the possibility does not occur for a man!

  5. Romeo Says:

    Sorry, harm, but we only deal in absolutes. When you describe someone as having a degree of femininity (“very female”) what you’re actually dealing with is a hermaphrodite. Best of luck.

  6. Make Do Style Says:

    Bugger! That final sentence sums it up, drat how annoying – I will forever remain a nag!!

  7. Eliza Says:

    Sounds like someone tried hard for satire not understanding it’s more than old tropes with a wink.

  8. Andra Says:

    My son’s name is Sam.

    My Polish mother-in-law didn’t like the name. Said it meant stud ram or something in Polish.

    Cricket????

  9. Romeo Says:

    Dear Consumer:

    We are greatly disheartened to learn that our product does not meet with your exacting standards and apologize for any lingering sense of dissatisfaction you may be experiencing. If you return the unused portion of the product we will gladly send you a full refund. Please accept our sincere apologies and try to take comfort from your many cats and your smug sense of superiority.

    Sincerely,
    Romeo

  10. Hammie Says:

    It’s not nagging if they listen the fuck up and do it properly & promptly the first time.

  11. Sister Wolf Says:

    Hammie – hahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahaha!

  12. SummerAdeline Says:

    I just laughed so hard I almost cried!! That was amazing! I don’t care if it isn’t “right”. It was honesty and reality and that’s just the fucking way it is!!

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