Enjoy My Colon

Today I had the privilege of another colonoscopy. My mother had colon cancer, so this is her gift to me. I looked forward to the propofol, but little else. The fasting and the nauseating potion you have to drink are an ordeal, even for someone who is used to ordeals.

I felt strongly that I would have cancer. Then, as I waited for the lady with the propofol, I felt Max’s presense. I felt so sure I was going to join him, I figured I would die during the procedure.

The Doctor appeared and exclaimed at how pretty I looked. I told her that I wore lipstick* just for her. The next thing I knew, I heard her voice telling me: “It’s all over, your colon is beautiful!”

If I can’t just be dead, at least I know I have a beautiful colon. Feel free to admire it in the pictures  ¬†below!

* M.A.C. Russian Red

Tags: ,

46 Responses to “Enjoy My Colon”

  1. Andra Says:

    Well, that’s the best news I’ve had all day.
    Is there a photo?
    Share, please!

  2. Andra Says:

    I meant a photo of the organ in question.

  3. Sheri Says:

    Wow, I feel I really know you now, in a way I didn’t before.
    :-)
    I’m very happy for you that all is well. You have a beautiful colon.
    Hmmmm, that just sounds weird.

    My husband on the propofol was quite amusing. http://ahmjustsayin.wordpress.com/2010/03/26/colonoscopy-day/

  4. Anny Says:

    Well, this is the best message I’ve rec’d in a long time! I’ve been putting off my next colonoscopy for abt 6 mos now …. Sister, thank U so much!

    And I’m so glad to hear that your colon is beautiful …. good news, indeed.

    (U just never know who will hear the message, do U?)

  5. Eurasian Says:

    Admiration in progress, not just the colon…..but the lipstick<—loves it! Pretty from mouth to….

  6. Debbie Says:

    My dad had colon cancer when he was 50. Had a colostomy and he’s still with us at 81 years old. I have had 3 colonoscopys. That crap they make you drink is the worst!!!!! UGH!!! Glad your colon was beautiful and clean! Can you believe that actually give you a picture of your insides – gross.

  7. Make Do Style Says:

    Love the detail – I am amazed I was so impressed!! Lipstick has been posted btw xx

  8. gretchen Says:

    when i had mine, my doctor had a great nurse that told me that you don’t HAVE TO DRINK that nasty stuff. there is a PILL that will do the same…you just take it was about a gallon of water or iced tea, whatever you enjoy. She also gave me a wonderful hint..vaseline or any type of baby diaper cream . nuff said.
    glad your test was uneventful!

  9. BethUK Says:

    I don’t know. There’s so much pressure to look good these days and now I have to start comparing my ordinary colon to your beautiful one….

  10. Sister Wolf Says:

    BethUK – I know. It’s like those dating ads that expect you to be “Beautiful inside and outside.” You can use my colon pictures if necessary.

  11. Sister Wolf Says:

    Debbie – Not gross at all! I plan to put those pictures on my Christmas cards.

  12. David Duff Says:

    As this is the start of the awards season I hereby present you, on behalf of the second best blog in the universe, Duff & Nonsense, with the prestigious Pair of Swinging Golden Globes Award for the “Best Post of the Year”.

    I was hoping, along with several quantum physicists, that they might have found that damned elusive Higgs Boson particle ‘up there’ but apparently not.

    (Seriously, you are a treasure, ‘Big Sis’, and if I may allow my British reserve to slip a little, I adore you!)

  13. Sister Wolf Says:

    David – I accept this award with all due modesty. And I think this proves that no one can resist a beautiful colon. xoxo

  14. dexter vandango Says:

    Good news… but have you considered a little bleaching.. or a colorful mural of some sort..? Frida K would have..

  15. Liz Says:

    My mother had colon cancer too. I had to have a Colonoscopy last year. Bloody awful procedure. So glad you were fine Sis.x

  16. sulky kitten Says:

    Just discovered your blog through Wendy Brande. Crackingly funny!

  17. sulky kitten Says:

    Make that Brandes! Anal (in a non-beautiful way) and half asleep.

  18. Dave C Says:

    Wow, how coquettish you’re looking in the top photo! Was that before or after the colon compliment?

  19. the real andrea Says:

    Your colon is beautiful! I aspire to that! Both my parents had colon cancer, so I go every 3 years (the dr says 5, but I am too neurotic to wait that long- I don’t want to die like she did). The best part after the horrible prep is the propofol! I look forward to it- that buzz that you get in your head before you go out! I am sure that is what Michael Jackson liked about it too. congrats on your clean bill of colon health. And you looked like an actress in a movie about getting a colonoscopy! Gorgeous!

  20. Stacy Says:

    Gorgeous! You and your colon!
    I really like the red blue juxtaposition you have going on as well. Perfect.

  21. Juri Says:

    Great news and by far the most beautiful colon I have seen in a long time. We need you alive and healthy!

    I don’t know about my colon but according to my new doctor, some blood tests and an ultrasound scan a month or so ago, I have a beautiful liver. I felt strongly I would die of cirrhosis in five years but now I need a new plan.

  22. Andra Says:

    Sister, my heartfelt apologies.
    I didn’t click on the photo, never realising I was actually gazing at your very own, personal, colon.
    It is a wonderful thing, definitely a thing of beauty forever. Clean as a whistle!
    Again, my apologies for not taking the time to investigate further.

  23. Cricket9 Says:

    Ah, I now understand the true meaning of “beautiful inside and out”!
    All I wish for Christmas for everyone here is: clean medical tests of any kind, all the time!

  24. dexter vandango Says:

    What a world we live in.. Just try to praise a woman for the firmness and perkiness of her breasts or the tender and enthusiastic cling of her vagina.. and you’ll get your head torn off.

    But complement her on her colon and you’re a smooth talking gallant..

  25. ali Says:

    hahahaha

    this is the best blogpost of the past month

  26. Andra Says:

    Dexter, NOW you’re getting it.
    Don’t talk about our vaginas – move right in on the colon, ah, you know what I mean.

  27. Sister Wolf Says:

    Dexter – Here I write a nice wholesome post for the whole family, and you come and sully it with your tragic vagina talk. One more comment like this and you’ll have to take your business elsewhere.

    Juri – That incredible about your liver! We’ll work on a new plan. We should definitely get out of here before we lose our teeth.

    Dave C – Hahaha, that look is stoned relief.

  28. Sister Wolf Says:

    Stacy – Thank you, I LOVE the juxtaposition of red+ blue. My tumblr is full of red+blue! Go look at it!

  29. Tanya Says:

    Your hair looks flawless. How many people come out looking so damn good following a thorough probing of the colon? You also have the look of a school girl in love [with her beautiful colon?]. I am happy to see you in good health.

  30. annemarie Says:

    i had a colonoscopy once (my dad died of colon cancer) and i was told that my colon was unusually long, which is not nearly as good as “beautiful.”

  31. dust Says:

    Again she makes me leave the dungeon, and for what? A colon. The last days were so amazing and I can only hope that the colon that my life is passing through is as beautiful as yours.

    There are chances for happiness. Grin back.

  32. Danno Says:

    Wow. That’s one sparkling clean poop chute. Congrats.
    Juri, nice news. I’m always interested in just how much abuse an organ can endure before fatty liver takes hold. Care to share any details as to why you felt liver damage was imminent? ‘Cause I got all kinds of reasons… glug, glug.
    Speaking of drinking related sadness… Christopher Hitchens anyone? Ah, how I wanted him and now he’s gone. Never mind that I could understand only half of his sexy braingasm dialogue. I was smitten from the first time I heard his voice. Strong. Stubborn. Confidant. Drunk. Far enough to the right to compliment my mostly leftist ideas. I’m sorry for his passing.

  33. Malcolm Pollack Says:

    Hi Sister,

    I’m glad all that’s behind you, and things are “looking up”!

    And I think you have a very fetching colon.

  34. Jaimi Says:

    Everything about this post is wonderful.

  35. Cricket9 Says:

    Not to spoil anyone’s festive mood, but: Christopher Hitchens, Cesaria Evora, Vaclav Havel and my favourite writer Russell Hoban. I’m already missing all of them.

  36. Ann Says:

    I have always enjoyed a healthy colon until this fall when I got diverticulitis and a painful abscess in my colon. Then a series of various disgusting concoctions that I had to drink, scopes, pokes and scans, (google colonography to fully appreciate my humiliation) resulting in eventual surgery 4 weeks ago to remove a portion of damaged colon that never had a chance of healing on it’s own. I’m happy to report that the surgery was a success but for an infection at the incision site that is slowly healing. You just don’t appreciate your colon until something goes wrong!

  37. Hammie Says:

    You look radiant xx

  38. Stijn Says:

    Dear Sister Wolf

    This is my first time post on your blog

  39. Stijn Says:

    oops something went wrong,

    but anyway I love you and your blog !! Just wanted to say that!!
    And I don’t know much about colons but yours looks very pretty indeed!!
    Xx

  40. WendyB Says:

    Stunning colon and lipstick. Propofol is great stuff.

  41. tressie Says:

    I’m thrilled the chute is lovely and pristine….For me, the whole ordeal felt like another episode of Date Rape. One minute I’m surrounded by pretty and charming people and everyone is chitty chatting….and 2 minutes later I’m waking up with my panties….in the other room….Oh yes, 3 days of middle aged Fun !

  42. Marky Says:

    Congratulations on your colon!

    One year for Christmas I was going to give everyone coffee mugs with photos of my colon on them. The Good Ed said he’d leave me if I did.

  43. WendyB Says:

    P.S. This reminds me of the radiologist who always declares, “These breasts are perfect!” after a clean mammogram/sonogram. I find his choice of words to be a little peculiar.

  44. Stella Mayfair Says:

    very happy that you’re in good health. xoxo

  45. Desiree Says:

    Thank you sister for sharing the love. Yes, your colon is beautiful. I cannot understand why my 14yo son still won’t look at the pics of his colonoscopy performed in April … I seem to be the only one in the household interested! Oh yes, a mother’s love runs deep. I’m so glad your results were clear:). xo

  46. O D Y S S E Y Says:

    Hooray! It is lovely indeed.

Leave a Reply