Admit that these shoes are perfect for me. They’re flat, they’re pointy, they’re an impractical color. They are screaming my name.
Plus, they’re on sale, reduced from $850 to $340! I would be saving $510!
But I know it’s wrong to spend $340 on shoes I don’t need. I never go anywhere and I have plenty of shoes. Not that these details have stopped me in the past.
I really want to get out my credit card but I also want to be a virtuous person instead of a greedy nitwit who curates stupid shoes. I’m trying to think of other things that $340 could buy. I could get a half-vial of Radiesse to plump up my face like a chipmunk, or half a chipmunk.
I could feed 5000 starving families in Africa. I could get a pair of eyeglasses that don’t leave a deep indentation on the bridge of my nose. I could pay my Nordstrom bill.
What better things could I do with $340? Please help me. I feel like a werewolf on a full moon.