Naomi Wolf’s Vagina

Poor Naomi Wolf. Once, she was a respected feminist thinker, her book The Beauty Myth staking a place in the second wave feminist pantheon. She was never a radical but she was a person to take seriously. Her recent support of Julian Assange against his female adversaries who accused him of rape was a weird moment, incurring the wrath of many of her peers. I felt sorry for her. But not as sorry as I feel for her now that she’s written a ridiculous love letter to her vagina. Okay, not a love letter; she calls it a biography.

Given the powers she has attributed to her vagina, it should have insisted on writing an autobiography. Maybe the chore of writing is beneath her vagina. It is too exalted, what with being the repository of  her strength, her wellbeing, her life-force and her very soul. Everything necessary for an effective life of a women can be found, not to mention celebrated and worshiped, right there in her vagina!

Naomi Wolf is like a schoolgirl with her first crush, according to reviews of her book, and her crush is her vagina. She seeks affirmation from a vagina guru with  a funny name, who gazes into her eyes and says something like “I see you, I honor you, and I honor your vagina.” But he calls it a yoni, recognizing  its Eastern, mystical essence. Then he calls it a “Goddess.”

FINALLY! A word I can use to describe my female area! I informed my husband that we would now refer to my Goddess as my Goddess. He is on board.

I’m sure Naomi had more than money in mind, ahem, when she came up with the title for her book But my clitoris would like to take issue with her, even though it’s in no mood to write a whole book.  I believe that the clitoris is the one to speak to, the one to revere, the CEO, as it were. Ignore the clitoris and you end up looking for gurus who have funny names and have to gaze into your eyes.

While we wrestle with our shame over poor Naomi’s book, lets keep things in perspective by considering Myrtle Corbin.

Born in 1868, Myrtle married and, possessing two vaginas, she apparently produced 5 children using both sets of organs.  Now what, Naomi?

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34 Responses to “Naomi Wolf’s Vagina”

  1. littlebadwolf Says:

    instead of monologues, some vaginae must have dialogues, especially chez myrtle.

  2. David Duff Says:

    Fist of all let me say that the invitation on your illustration to ‘click and look inside’ Ms. Wolf’s (no relation, I trust) vagina is one that I found infinitely resistable

    Second, what is this thing called ‘a clitoris’ that you ladies go on about? I’ve never found one and it never stopped me enjoying my sex-life!

  3. ali Says:

    i think my nose my have developed a permanent wrinkle after reading this…

  4. Sister Wolf Says:

    David – I chose this picture for its tempting suggestion! Thank you for noticing.

  5. Andra Says:

    David, I’m still considering whether we need to know more about your sex life.
    I’m rather of the opinion that your sex life would come as a bit of a surprise to the memsahib.

  6. David Duff Says:

    No, no, Andra, no surprises there, I always left her with a smile of pleasure on her face, or at least, I think I did because, to be honest, I was asleep 2.6 nano-seconds after the event – and the, er, event didn’t last too long, either. Well, one must have a sense of priorities, and scratching about looking for that clitoris-thingie was a waste a time as far as I was concerned.

  7. Suspended Says:

    Myrtle must have had such fun shopping for shoes!

    Also, I wonder how the brain manages to compute the pleasure of two clitorises, or would it register just the one pleasure? Weird and, no doubt, wonderful.

    My brain is alive with questions but I will refrain for fear of making people queasy.

  8. Marky Says:

    I’m on page 76 of my new autobiography, “Right Testicle.”

  9. Suspended Says:

    I’m transfixed to that photo of myrtle and suddenly something quite obvious occurs to me…with a face like that you’d need two vaginas.

  10. Dexter Vandango Says:

    Viewing Myrtle the thought occurs, Good Lord.. is it possible for any woman to have twice the interest in shoes as all other women????

  11. gretchen Says:

    two vaginas, two periods? and were they synchronized? PMS must have been killer ~

  12. regularstarfish Says:

    I seriously hate the word “yoni”. It’s up there with its pretentious cousins, “artisan” and “locavore”. I also hate the words “ninja” and “rock star” when used in reference to one’s profession or unique skill set.

  13. Debra Says:

    David,

    Is that because you were to busy fucking men?
    Sister, I second your reverence to the clitoris.

  14. patni Says:

    yoni is the worst word of all, it is always used by dirty mealy mouthed hippies.
    Tyra Banks had an episode of her show with a lady with two vaginas, and after wards got so many letters from ladies who also had two vaginas, that she did another show with a hole line of two twatted ladies. I wanted to say temptresses because it sounded better, but that might not be fair to the many minged.

  15. Bex Says:

    I would burst out laughing if my guy refers to my vagina as my Goddess. And why did she go to a male vagina guru? Like they know what it’s about!

  16. patni Says:

    regular star fish… can you imagine some one saying to you they were a yoni ninja? I just thought of it and am now infused with horror.

  17. Sister Wolf Says:

    Bex – Try telling your guy, “Please attend to my Goddess!” Even if you both laugh, he’ll probably jump to it.

  18. Sister Wolf Says:

    regularstarfish – not to mention “namaste.”

  19. Cristina Says:

    Marky, I’m looking forward to read it, and its titillating second part ;D
    Sisterwolf, I do love your work!
    xx

  20. David Duff Says:

    Debra, that will be 50 lines to be handed in by four o’clock:

    “I must not use ‘to’ when I mean ‘too’ and I must nor use ‘to’ when I mean ‘for’.”

  21. dana Says:

    somewhere once I read a reference to “hapless Naomi Wolf.” She totally deserves it. She is totally nuts, which is sad, because she’s no idiot.

    This Myrtle is fascinating. i would think two vaginas would be the least of her problems, which start with two pelvises and four legs.

  22. Debbie Says:

    You are fucken crazy and I am totally cracking up over here!!!! OMGEEEE! You are sooooooo funny!
    xoxo
    Deb

  23. Jenny Says:

    You are very funny!

  24. Make Do Style Says:

    Talk to the CEO – brilliant!

  25. Bevitron Says:

    All I can think about is what Myrtle’s method of locomotion must have involved…

    Two vaginas, jeez – one creates enough havoc. Two boxes of tampons, trichomonas in one and candida in the other…and what happens with orgasm? I guess you can’t quit till everybody’s been satisfied. Too much work.

  26. Madam Restora Says:

    I’m writing my autobiography too. It’s called ‘Front Bottom’ – much more low key than Naomi’s I’d say.

  27. Jaimi Says:

    hahaha Bevitron!!

    I was reading a really very kind profile of Wolf and this book in ELLE and like, “Uh huh, yeah, ok…maybe I’ll consider a few of these points” until I got to the GODDESS shit and I just lost it and read the rest out loud to my boyfriend. He agreed to try Wolf’s theory out, if only I would refer to his member as a ‘galavanting knight’ or something equally preposterous (god I love that term, some uptight horrible old hippie woman was ranting in the public library about how it was ‘simply preposterous’ that the dimensions of miniature refrigerators weren’t listed on whatever discount website she was looking at, which really raises many other questions but I digress…).

    Oh and on the topic of hated words, I’ve been noticing rampant and inappropriate usage of the term ‘bespoke’ these days. The new ‘artisan’/'artisnal’. Coming soon in Spring 2013: ‘bespoke’ donuts from giant chain donut shops, ‘bespoke’ jeans made by Bangladeshi factory workers at Shopbop, ‘bespoke’ handcrafted notecards at Barnes & Noble, etc.

  28. Elena A. Says:

    “I believe that the clitoris is the one to speak to, the one to revere, the CEO, as it were. Ignore the clitoris and you end up looking for gurus who have funny names and have to gaze into your eyes”, hahahaha you are hilarious Sister Wolf…

    I´m curious, what do you think exactly about feminism? Do you consider yourself one?

    xxx

  29. Sam Says:

    ha ha ha
    front bottom
    I remember we used to call vaginas ‘front bottoms’
    as kids, you know………….not now, we are all grow’d up
    :o)

  30. Suspended Says:

    My new hate word, discovered while looking at a pretty boring room shot on Pinterest, is “Curatorial.” I’M GOING TO FUCKING HURT SOMEONE (OK, the caps was an accident and I can’t be bothered retyping. You get my point.)

  31. sisty Says:

    I forget whether it was the NYTimes review, or the NY Review of Books review, but the reviewer wondered aloud whether this “biography” was an “authorized biography.”

    Perhaps it’s the cave I dwell in, but I thought the world had settled the question of the existence of “vaginal orgasms” about forty years ago, and then moved on. Looks like not.

  32. Desiree Says:

    If it’s a biography, then we get to share her “Goddess” adventures from the perspective of her vag, right? If not, I’m not reading it.

  33. Sardonique Schadenfreude Rictus Says:

    Happily, I come from a long line of hereditary and ethnocentric ‘clitoris and vagina whisperers’, and can worship with the best of them (in the traditional, and indeed, ‘artisanal’ fashion, as it has been conducted for untold centuries). Believe me: I’m not just giving lip service here…

  34. sheeshaa Says:

    this might sound dumb but will someone please explain the purpose of this article, i read it and i dont think i understood it lol but about the word yoni, my mom used to call it that and i didnt know like the purpose of it i just didnt like how it sounded, but why does everyone hate the word?

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