Archive for March, 2013

Dana Loesch: What a Fucking Cunt!™

Thursday, March 28th, 2013

Watching right-wing psychopath Dana Loesch shouting down Van Jones and Piers Morgan on the issue of gun control tonight, I nearly had a stroke. My husband finally snapped, “If you can’t stand it, turn it off.” It was probably good advice but I ignored it.

Dana Loesch is deliberately and effectively enraging in the manner of fellow cunt Ann Coulter, but stupider, in that she invokes “the covenant with God” in her argument against gay marriage.

Here is what Dana said on CNN about the US Marines who urinated on the corpses of alleged Taliban members:

Can someone explain to me if there’s supposed to be a scandal that someone pees on the corpse of a Taliban fighter? Someone who was — as part of an organization murdered over 3,000 Americans? I’d drop trou and do it, too. That’s me, though. I want a million cool points for these guys. Is that harsh to say?

There is no point in this awful woman. She loves guns, hates gays, quotes scripture, and gets away with bad manners because she’s a woman. She’s an embarrassment to political commentators and the human race. A total fucking cunt.

Birthday Love

Tuesday, March 26th, 2013

missinghim

 

Max is 37 today, somewhere out in the cosmos where I will find him when the time comes.

Lighting a candle and waiting it out.

Beatles Party

Sunday, March 24th, 2013

beatles party

 

My friend Jane threw a great party for her birthday, instructing her guests to dress as characters from a Beatles song. The creative challenge was enough to make me accept the invitation and even more noteworthy, to get up off my ass and actually go.

As you can easily see, I was Baby from the song “Baby’s in Black.”  I am even wearing a bib that says ‘Mommy Loves Me.’ Please note that I’m wearing a flared satin evening coat; I am not really that fat.  It was pointed out to me that I could also be the title character of “Lady Madonna.” Thus, I  unwittingly achieved a double Beatles reference!

Anyway,  it was a uniquely entertaining evening on the grounds of a stunning mansion, Beatles karaoke blasting, baby-boomers mingling and asking each other stupidly: “Who are you supposed to be?”

We were advised to bring our own liquor, so we brought a bottle of white wine someone had given us for some occasion. We added it to a large group of bottles near the pool area. A lady walked up and asked: “Is there any good wine here?” I told her, “We just brought this, you are welcome to have some!” She looked at our bottle and shook her head in disgust, remarking “No, that is not a good wine.” After she left, my husband and I shared a moment of stunned delight at encountering such a rude bitch.

Much later, my husband pointed out a person in the distance and said “You have to check out those pants, they’re printed with the Maharishi!”

Look at these fucking pants and scream WHAT THE HELL?!?

Maharishi pants

 

I  stopped the pants-wearer, who was pleased to explain how she got them. You can take any picture to Wallgreens and they will make you a pair of pants with a pattern of your image!

Obviously, I fell in love with this wonderful woman. My heart went clunk. Isn’t she lovely? She even asked if I was an artist, which was so flattering. I had to explain, “No, I am nothing.” But still, I think I have made a new friend, and the pleasure in connecting reminded me that in certain moments, life is almost worth living.

Family: Part II

Thursday, March 21st, 2013

wonderful

 

Great news! We received this nice email today from my very special sister:

To be clear, I am taking my position as Trustee very seriously, just like a real job within a business.  With that in mind, I keep track of every minute, mile and expense regarding the Trust and will reimburse accordingly.  I will be charging $50/hr and break down my time in tenths.  
 
With all that said, I encourage you to contact me or my attorney with very specific, straight forward questions and/or concerns so as not to waste anybody’s time and consequently, money from the Trust.

Isn’t that nice? We get to pay her just for asking a question about our share of the trust! What would Jesus do?

Poor Jodi

Thursday, March 14th, 2013

Team Jodi

 

I thought I was alone in my sympathy for murderess Jodi Arias, but look, there is a whole website in support of her, unless they are joking, in which case I salute them. Actually, I salute them either way.

Like many people with no lives, I am hooked on Jodi’s trial. But I am totally on her side. I don’t blame her for killing Travis.

I’m not saying that she should have killed him, just that I understand.

When I look at Jodi, I see a poor girl who has never been loved, who was so desperate to be loved that she would do anything, be anyone, in exchange for affection. In my fantasy of Jodi, she was an ugly duckling who has worked hard to make herself attractive to men. She bleached her hair, got breast implants, plucked out her eyebrows, and even then she had to invite some Mormon douchebag to ejaculate on her face just to experience some facsimile of love.

Deep in my soul, I am Jodi, an unlovable girl with murder in my heart.

I have never had come on my face, nor have I put up with a boring ass-obsessed motivational speaker/salesman. Still, I feel a bond of unlovability.  I will thank my parents for this. Thanks, parents!

I haven’t shot or stabbed anyone because I hate violence and I will always duck or run if someone wants to hit me.  I know it’s wrong to kill Travis, but fuck him. Hearing his phone-sex with Jodi is to want him dead.

You probably think I’m being satirical or contrarian but I am sincere in this position. Not that I’d give Jodi a penny, even for her fabulous drawing of Lucille Ball.

Jodi-Arias-original-artwork-Lucille-Ball

 

(art © Jodi Arias)

Let’s Love Me

Monday, March 4th, 2013

I got these sunglasses yesterday from Out of the Closet for only $8, minus the 10% Senior Discount! I fucking rule.

I also got the green top for $6.50 (minus discount) and it’s covered in nonsensical badges, rhinestones and d-rings, with a big fake “D&G” logo on the back.

Just sit back and be jealous of my shopping savvy.

 

A Special Game

Friday, March 1st, 2013

Inner Vision is a computer game created by a college student who has given some thought to suicide. The goal of the game is to convince three people not to kill themselves. As a player, you interact with them, choosing the advice you believe will help them most.

It’s a simple game but it offers a surprisingly intense experience. It might be useful as a way to combat suicidal thinking. It could  also be a tool for stirring compassion and teaching us the importance of listening.

For me, it was a chance to get it right, to save three imaginary people from taking their own lives and breaking innumerable imaginary hearts. It was comforting.

You can play the game here. If you’re impressed, don’t thank me, thank Sunil Rao at his website here.