Archive for May, 2013

Real-life Photoshop

Thursday, May 30th, 2013

Jazzma instagram

 

Here is a model named Jazzma who’s been hanging out with a billionaire whose longtime girlfriend is Naomi Campbell. I snickered at the deforming photoshopped picture of Jazzma, and googled to see what she really looks like.

jazzma runway

 

Wow, right? Look at that midsection. It’s like she’s a LIVING photoshop creation!

If I could photoshop my body, I’d give myself big boobs and toned thighs, and I’d stay away from Naomi Campbell’s boyfriend.

What about you?

Sisters!

Monday, May 20th, 2013

The Sutherland Sisters sepia

 

I am truly blessed in the sister department. One of my sisters who lives in a Scandinavian country and who I will call “Clinique,” posted this on facebook:

[My daughter's school-class is taking a trip to Poland and] will be visiting Auschwitz concentration camps. It should be an amazing, informative, and emotional trip.

I can’t even describe my reaction to this.

But I’ll focus on the word usage. When she writes ‘Auschwitz concentration camps’ does she mean, as opposed to the Auschwitz Bar and Grill or the Auschwitz Shopping Center?

Meanwhile,Tennis just sent a list of her services to the trust, which included a charge of $600 to prepare six checks.

Whole Foods Adventure

Wednesday, May 15th, 2013

the didgeridoo incident-small

 

Whenever I walk to Whole Foods with friends, we have an adventure, and not just the one where tall thin women ram you with their shopping carts.

This time, it was a guy with an enormous didgeridoo.  We had been drinking coffee, watching the circus that is Whole Foods, Venice. My friend asked the guy if he had made his didgeridoo, and he said Yes. He added that he used it for Sound Therapy.

Just a couple of weeks ago, I saw a documentary called Kumare, about an American-born Indian guy who decides to pose as a guru, to see if people will fall for it. Sure enough, everywhere he goes, people lap up his idiotic impersonation of a Mystic, exclaiming how they can feel his powerful energy, etc, etc. I found it depressing. People are so stupid. Or as my husband put it, more charitably, “People want someone to follow.”

Anyway, there is a Sound Healer in Kumare who uses a didgeridoo, and he looks alot like the guy at Whole Foods. “Were you in that Kumare movie?” I asked him accusingly. He seemed baffled and said no. He wanted me to sit down and let him demonstrate his therapy. He instructed me to focus on “an intention.”  I asked him if he was going to find out what’s wrong with me, secretly thinking “If he only knew!”

A handsome Black man intervened cheerfully, “Why does there gotta be something wrong with you?” He was wearing a fedora and eating a cup of Whole Foods ice cream. He looked as contented as a human being could be. I didn’t want to spoil his mood by answering him.

The Sound Therapist started blowing into his didgeridoo, moving it slowly up and down my back. It felt great! I could feel the sound waves vibrating through my body and I pretended they were evacuating evil spirits. It was extremely pleasurable.

When he was through, he asked me if I had pain in my lower back, noting that he could sense this with the didgeridoo. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings so I told him that while I had pain everywhere, my lower back was a place that sometimes hurt.

The truth is, my lower back is probably one of the few places where I don’t feel pain. I don’t believe in any kind of New Age healing. I don’t believe in gurus, gods, angels, the I Ching, the Secret, Tarot Cards, reiki, colonics, or anything else.

Time doesn’t heal either, as we know. But coffee is wonderful and so is Whole Foods, if you don’t buy your groceries there.

The Last Meal

Monday, May 6th, 2013

Gacy meal by Henry Hargreaves

I’m too old and sad to enjoy mocking death the way I used to. But Death Row trivia continues to fascinate me, even though it’s politically incorrect to express anything but outrage on the subject of the death penalty.

Photographer Henry Hargreaves has recreated the last meals requested by some notorious killers in a project called No Seconds. Looking at the photos, it’s hard not to form conclusions about each meal and the man who chose it. The meal above, for example, increased my disdain for John Wayne Gacy: “What a pig,” I thought.

Mcveigh by Hebry Hargreaves

 

Timothy McVeigh, on the other hand, limited himself to his favorite ice cream. Clearly, he was more focused and less self-indulgent.

Feguer by Henry Hargreaves

 

Look at what Victor Feguer asked for. What a cunt. Or maybe he was being a smart-ass. I can’t decide. I ‘d like to have told him ‘No way, buddy. You’ll eat a pitted olive or nothing at all.’

My reactions probably say more about me than the meals say about the convicts. That’s why this is art.

Here’s more to think about:

In Louisiana, the prison warden traditionally joins the condemned prisoner for the last meal.

In September 2011, the state of Texas abolished all special last-meal requests after prisoner Lawrence Russell Brewer requested a huge last meal and didn’t eat any of it, saying he wasn’t hungry. His last-meal request was for two chicken-fried steaks with gravy; a triple-patty bacon cheeseburger; a cheese omelet with ground beef, tomatoes, onions, bell peppers, and jalapenos; a bowl of fried okra with ketchup; one pound of barbecued meat with half a loaf of white bread; three fajitas; a meat-lover’s pizza; one pint of Blue Bell Ice Cream; a slab of peanut-butter fudge with crushed peanuts; and three root beers. The abolition followed a complaint by Texas Senator John Whitmire, who called the meal “inappropriate.”  (Thanks Lawrence Russell Brewer, for ruining things for everybody else!)

You can read more about last meals here.  If I end up on Death Row, I plan to ask for a Fatburger with fat fries and a vanilla milkshake.

Feel free to place your order or rant about the death penalty.

Tragic Fashion

Saturday, May 4th, 2013

Saint Laurent embroidered jacket

 

I was excited to see this competitor of Tragic Fashion Boy on Disney Rollergirl’s blog tonight.  He’s as thin and miserable looking as anyone could ask for, isn’t he? I need to name him. Suggestions?

So I looked around for more pictures and discovered that this fancy embroidered jacket from the new Saint Laurent Fall/Winter collection is priced at $62,000.  But obviously it’s worth every penny.

Paris Menswear: Top 10 looks from days 4 and 5: in pictures

Now I need to know how much they want for this fancy cape. Which is beyond perfect with the ingeniously ripped jeans.   Who will curate these items, do you think?

While I tried to adjust to all of this decadence and starvation, I stumbled across a “pop star and fashion icon” called G-Dragon who is like a Korean punk Barbie only male, but just barely. I won’t spoil the excitement by posting any photos of G-Dragon. Google him and feel the joy.