Manifesto of Limitations

The Murays Midgets,7 tripplet brothers, age 19 yearsbutterfly-lady-new

I can only look at art or photography. But no nudes or kitsch. No cats, No pictures of food or girls wearing hats. No ironic memes. No selfies. I can no longer wear thongs or socks. I can only eat cookies.

I can’t sleep until I’ve watched two hours of ‘Morning Joe.’ Until Joe and Mika and Willie and their guests have deplored the state of things and gushed about yesterday’s football games.

I can’t stop playing with my hair. I cut my split ends in the car. Not when I’m driving. I can’t pass a mirror without checking to see if my hair is okay. I can barely see because my glasses are too old.

I can only enjoy reruns of Breaking Bad or crime TV. I can only read the New Yorker and The Atlantic. When I hear someone on TV use the wrong word, I am incensed. “It’s ‘repentant’ not ‘pentent’, you stupid cunt!”

None of those Affirmations about how to live apply to me. I have already fucked things up.

But. I am comforted by coffee, jewelry, lipstick, midgets, showgirls, nuns, Indian and Persian Royalty, Cuban and Peruvian photographers, Victorian acrobats and cross-dressers.

I love my bed! If only I could sleep forever and ever.

Tags: , ,

13 Responses to “Manifesto of Limitations”

  1. jpie Says:

    “Manifesto of Limbitations” would be cleverer.

  2. David Duff Says:

    Obviously an unintended oversight but amongst your list of ‘comforters’ you forgot elderly British gents of a slightly eccentric disposition. And they’re awfully nice to cuddle up to in bed! Er, I have that on very good authority.

  3. Sister Wolf Says:

    David – You’re absolutely right, please excuse this stupid memory lapse!

  4. Sister Wolf Says:

    jpie – If I were trying to be clever, I’d have titled this ‘Statute of Limitations.’

  5. Winter Bird Says:

    The cookie thing…works for me!

  6. ali Says:

    not wearing a thong is an evolution, not a limitation as far as I am concerned.

    Is writing still a comfort?

  7. Hammie Says:

    I like thongs for feet

  8. liz Says:

    So I’m not the only person who likes to trim split ends in the car! I even have a tiny decorative pair (in a case made by my mother-in-law) in the car for such purposes. So satisfying.

  9. Kellie Says:

    The light in the car is the best for spotting split ends.
    Bed is the best place ever.
    Pics of food that you arent eating, are stupid.

    It sounds to me like you are finding out what really works, and what makes you comforted. I feel badly that you are depressed doing it. But not being forced to interact with real world idiots is a brilliant gift.

    I type this from the safety of my bed. Idiots are no where to be found,
    xxx

  10. Jaimi Says:

    I’m glad there are other people out there who trim split ends in traffic! If other things in my life can’t go right, at least I can have nice hair, right?

  11. WendyB Says:

    ((hug))

  12. cate Says:

    I love my sleep. Every morning when I wake up, I tell my bed that I will be back as soon as I can.

  13. Eek Says:

    You are into Persian and Indian royalty too???? Where have you been all my life?

Leave a Reply