Even though it’s not important and it doesn’t matter, I still want to know about Angelina’s lips.  Everyone seems to accept that those lips are really real. “Just look at Shilo’s lips!”

As a teenager, above, her top lips was half the size of her bottom lip, which looks enormous.

Same here.

I showed these pictures to my husband, whose reaction was the exasperated retort: “How do I know, maybe some people’s lips get bigger when they get older!”

I love Angie for stealing Brad from Jen, and for flying around to refugee camps. But I think this is the answer to the startling impact of her face. It’s startling because she created at least two of her facial features.

Yes, no, or how dare I waste my time with such shallow concerns?

I was thrilled to hear that Tallulah Willis (middle, above) was  chosen to attend the prestigious Debutantes Ball  at the Crillon Hotel on Paris’ Place de la Concorde.

At just 17 years old, Tallulah is one of the youngest of the 23 girls making their debut last night.  Just look at her jewel-encrusted Lanvin gown, created especially for her by designer Alber Elbaz, who she described as “a very dear friend.”

Rumer competes for attention in a breathtakingly low-cut dress that craftily draws the eye downward to her bared breasts. Determined to make a splash in her own right, Scout died her naturally brunette hair for the occasion, achieving the perfect shade of bright yellow.

I can’t wait for more photos of the event, but I knew you’d be dying to get an early look at the splendor of these wonderful girls!

Even though he’s the Hipster du Jour, I can’t stand looking at Zombie Boy. Now that I see what he’d look like without his tattoos, I find him even more tragic.

He’s actually a cute guy! And he fucked himself all up.

If you think he’s a work of art, don’t fly off the handle: I’m reacting as a mother.

In any case, it’s a great marketing gimmick for Dermablend.

What’s your preference. Before or After?

~

*Update:  Here is the best possible version of Zombie Boy,  from a helpful reader, Danielle.  Now he needs to go away and leave us alone. I apologize for bringing him up in the first place.

If you haven’t seen The Big C, it’s a Showtime series about a spunky woman who has cancer.  A subplot features Gabourey Sidibe as a teenager whose boyfriend is a Russian immigrant, played by Boyd Holbrook, a popular male model and houseboy-quality hottie.

Every single time this couple appears in a scene, I can’t help but mutter, “As if” or “Oh please.” I don’t know how my husband can stand it.

I feel like if you’re not blind, you can see that Miss Sibide is too fat. She’s too fat to be healthy and too fat to be attractive. Maybe she’s a wonderful human being but she’s too damn fat.

Does the show want to make a statement about tolerance? Do we have to pretend that we don’t find the relationship absurd? Is it meant to challenge our “comfort zone?” For me, it only challenges my suspension of disbelief.

While it’s not fair that women are pressured to be thin, does that mean no one is too fat?

It doesn’t help that Miss Sibide’s acting is so awful in this role.  I’m sure she was phenomenal in Precious, but when she drones “You just want to get into my pants!” like she’s reading the phone book, I can’t help feeling she was cast primarily to irritate or disturb us. And it worked!

Thoughts or recriminations?

Think again.

Beyonce celebrated her 30th birthday on her yacht in Italy, with family and a few close friends. Her close friend Gwyneth (??) was seen giving Beyonce an envelope.  Look how happy she is after she opens it!

I need to know what was in that envelope.*

Suggestions?

*My friend Maxine said “I would like to think it was a specially penned poem.” If you agree with Maxine, please approximate the poem.

Who is worse, Katy Perry or Taylor Swift?*

*Show your work!

Community gardens in all of New York City’s five boroughs, many begun in the late 60’s and early 70’s, were the product of grass-roots activism. Residents who were unwilling to wait for the city to clean up abandoned lots, moved in themselves and created cloistered, vernal retreats in the middle of some of New York’s worst neighborhoods.

However, under Mayor Rudolph Giuliani, the city finally decided to do something with these lots. The city began the process of bulldozing many gardens and auctioning off the land to developers. Giuliani argued that the city needed the lots for additional low-income housing, and that while the destruction of the gardens would be be distressing, in the long run area residents would benefit.

The residents didn’t want to wait for the long run, and pulled together to protest.

The city moved forward with plans to auction off 112 garden lots to developers on May 13, 1999.  On May 12, Bette Midler in cooperation with the Trust For Public Land, purchased all 112 of the lots from the city, for a combined total of $4.3 million.

‘Today I’m prouder than ever to be a New Yorker,’ said Midler, who moved to the East Coast after an earthquake in California. ‘We’re thrilled. This is a joyous occasion and means that these gardens will stay in perpetuity.” You can learn more about her work here.

~

With this in mind, please enjoy blasting the anthem “Thank You Bette Midler” by the great Max Wolf :  ThankYouBetteMidler.

Godammit, I told you so!.

I can’t stand Arnold and I have never figured out why people believe he is anything other than a big stupid moron. The myth that Arnold is “actually very smart” is just preposterous! Fuck!

Way back in another lifetime, I lifted weights in the gym where Arnold worked out every morning. He was a loudmouthed bully who had a coterie of middle aged halfwits that followed him around and laughed at his stupid jokes. Arnold was an arrogant cunt who bothered women with comments like “I’d like to see you with your panties off!”

He’s what my mom would call a “lowlife.” We’ll never know why Maria Shriver married him and thus gave him a legitimacy that led to his political career, which in turn has left California in fiscal shambles.

Maybe the Kennedy women have a deep-seated need to be humiliated by powerful men. Whatever. I feel bad for Maria and her children, but WHAT THE FUCK WAS SHE THINKING?!?

Thoughts, rants, crap about how “personal lives are nobody’s business?”