Godammit, I’m Mad!

I was excited to see this competitor of Tragic Fashion Boy on Disney Rollergirl’s blog tonight.  He’s as thin and miserable looking as anyone could ask for, isn’t he? I need to name him. Suggestions?

So I looked around for more pictures and discovered that this fancy embroidered jacket from the new Saint Laurent Fall/Winter collection is priced at $62,000.  But obviously it’s worth every penny.

Now I need to know how much they want for this fancy cape. Which is beyond perfect with the ingeniously ripped jeans.   Who will curate these items, do you think?

While I tried to adjust to all of this decadence and starvation, I stumbled across a “pop star and fashion icon” called G-Dragon who is like a Korean punk Barbie only male, but just barely. I won’t spoil the excitement by posting any photos of G-Dragon. Google him and feel the joy.

“Layered stitching lends a repaired look to these slim, two-tone skinny pants from 3.1 Phillip Lim, while tied sleeves and a sweater overlay add a clever element.”

Got that? These pants have a sweater SEWN ON to them! You can’t take it off if you get cold. It’s just there to add a clever element.

$595 at shopbop.

Look at this crazy ring! I love the concept of a ring that looks at itself. You can buy it here.

Now look at Kitty, Daisy and Lewis. They are siblings from England whose band includes their mom on bass. They don’t want to be pigeonholed as Rockabilly, so don’t use that word if you meet them. Their style is reminiscent of East L.A and the Ronettes. I can’t stop looking at them. They are flat-out gorgeous. Watch their latest video here.

I think it’s time for me to trademark this feature, that’s how much I like it.  Remember the last time we played?

My first reaction to this guy was YES! I might have even made some kind of noise. My brother-in-law used to groan aloud at the sight of his favorite female news anchor, and it drove my sister crazy. I have to find out if he still does it.

Anyway, this is my type of man to ogle: young, androgynous, provocative. But on the other hand, guys who wear hats are pretentious and douchey. I’m not crazy about little (or big) beards, either.

And yet.

What is your vote?

My friend Jane threw a great party for her birthday, instructing her guests to dress as characters from a Beatles song. The creative challenge was enough to make me accept the invitation and even more noteworthy, to get up off my ass and actually go.

As you can easily see, I was Baby from the song “Baby’s in Black.”  I am even wearing a bib that says ‘Mommy Loves Me.’ Please note that I’m wearing a flared satin evening coat; I am not really that fat.  It was pointed out to me that I could also be the title character of “Lady Madonna.” Thus, I  unwittingly achieved a double Beatles reference!

Anyway,  it was a uniquely entertaining evening on the grounds of a stunning mansion, Beatles karaoke blasting, baby-boomers mingling and asking each other stupidly: “Who are you supposed to be?”

We were advised to bring our own liquor, so we brought a bottle of white wine someone had given us for some occasion. We added it to a large group of bottles near the pool area. A lady walked up and asked: “Is there any good wine here?” I told her, “We just brought this, you are welcome to have some!” She looked at our bottle and shook her head in disgust, remarking “No, that is not a good wine.” After she left, my husband and I shared a moment of stunned delight at encountering such a rude bitch.

Much later, my husband pointed out a person in the distance and said “You have to check out those pants, they’re printed with the Maharishi!”

Look at these fucking pants and scream WHAT THE HELL?!?

I  stopped the pants-wearer, who was pleased to explain how she got them. You can take any picture to Wallgreens and they will make you a pair of pants with a pattern of your image!

Obviously, I fell in love with this wonderful woman. My heart went clunk. Isn’t she lovely? She even asked if I was an artist, which was so flattering. I had to explain, “No, I am nothing.” But still, I think I have made a new friend, and the pleasure in connecting reminded me that in certain moments, life is almost worth living.

I got these sunglasses yesterday from Out of the Closet for only $8, minus the 10% Senior Discount! I fucking rule.

I also got the green top for $6.50 (minus discount) and it’s covered in nonsensical badges, rhinestones and d-rings, with a big fake “D&G” logo on the back.

Just sit back and be jealous of my shopping savvy.

This year, I can honestly say that I got what I wanted.  My choice for best picture, best actor and best actress came through, somebody fell, Adele was a goddess, and David O. Russell didn’t get to gloat over his importance.

Let’s review the fashions. Halle Berry wore a hideous striped dress from Ross 4 Less and her hair was dreadful. In the bad hair category, she was outdone by Jen Aniston, whose short broken ends stood up in the light, guaranteeing the death of Chris McMillan. Jane Fonda looked hideous in a yellow gown from “Dallas“, and Shirley Bassey, at 100 years old, was majestic in gold sequins as she belted out the theme to “Goldfinger“. I tried to remember an old scandal about her involving one of the British Royals but failed to retrieve it.

Seth MacFarlane was alternately funny and crass, but who could resist his crack about Kardashian facial hair?

Barbara Streisand looked like an old wizard from Harry Potter, Anne Hathaway overdid her boy-in-a-dress schtick, and Jessica Chastain, as always, was a flawless porcelain doll. Several older men had long silky white hair, outclassing the clean-cut youngsters.

Reese Witherspoon wore an ugly blue thing and grew her chin since last year. Renee Zellweger reappeared out of retirement with the exact same grimace we know and love her for.

Christopher Waltz was a charming Oscar winner, generously quoting Quentin Tarantino, who exuded coke from every pore as he manically thanked the Academy.

Daniel Day Lewis was a witty dreamboat, revealing that he was originally signed to portray Margaret Thatcher. Ben Affleck was emotionally affecting as he alluded to some grudge he had given up but clearly hadn’t, and I still managed to watch “Shameless” even though I missed the first 8 minutes.

What did I forget?

J Brand has started naming its pieces after famous people, offering an “Angelina Jumpsuit” and a “Halle Top.” But I’m only interested in the Bergman Leather Shorts.

Obviously, these shorts are problematic. The length is awful and who wants to spend $575 for a cheap-looking elastic waistband?

I just wish I knew which Bergman J Brand has in mind!

Ingmar Bergman? I can sort of imagine Death wearing leather shorts.

Or Ingrid Bergman? Why pick on her? She always dressed so beautifully!

What is your guess?

Finally! How did we live without peplums on our pants? Now all my pants look so drab and minimalist.

“A flounced peplum puts a ladylike touch on a pair of high-waisted alice + olivia pants, cut from figure-hugging mid-weight jersey. Exposed back zip.” $275

Wouldn’t they look great on a job interview, or a first date?

This get-up comes from the new collection by InAisce, designed by a New Yorker called Jona.

Here’s how Trendland describes the collection:

 Jona of InAisce developed a unisex line of clothes that melds the lines between mythical and avant garde fashion. Drawing on homelessness as inspiration for the collection “Seeking Aether” transports us to multiple landscapes. 

And here’s CoolHunting, raising the stakes:

The line’s sinuous draping and streamlined silhouettes, however, effortlessly melded into androgynous geometry, garnishing a unisex following and establishing InAisce as a transcendent force. Blurring the lines between sartorial ingenuity and mythical intrigue, InAisce explores “homelessness” as a transient quest in search of one’s origins with “Seeking Aether.”

Note the difference between homelessness and “homelessness.” Subtle but telling!

I’m going to “garnish” the CoolHunting “writer” with the Most Pathetic Journalism of the Week™ award, for not knowing the meaning of the word garnish.  She was thinking of “garner” but even that would have been pretentious. Better to stick with “earning a following” or “acquiring a following.”  In any case, G words are not interchangeable, girl!

Can somebody make me a cute little MPJOTW™ thingie that I can use for this coveted new award?* Just send it to sisterwolf666@gmail    xoxo
*Thanks to Sue Davis!