Godammit, I’m Mad!

California State Senator Roy Ashburn (R) seemed like too much of a no-brainer for Cunt of the Week™, but then I thought, “If it walks like a cunt and it quacks like a cunt….”

The man is a cunt, pure and simple. With a staunch anti-gay rights voting record, Ashburn has come out as gay, only after being arrested for DUI upon leaving a popular gay nightspot in Sacramento.

Ashburn has voted against a number of gay rights measures, including efforts to expand anti-discrimination laws and recognize out-of-state gay marriages. Last year, he opposed a bill to establish a day of recognition to honor slain gay rights activist Harvey Milk.

Equality California, a group that advocates for expanded gay rights and other issues, has consistently given Ashburn a zero rating on its scorecard.

Today, Ashburn’s statement is typically self-dramatizing and hypocritical:

“I am gay … those are the words that have been so difficult for me for so long.” (Awwww, boo hoo!) “The best way to handle that is to be truthful and to say to my constituents and all who care that I am gay. But I don’t think it’s something that has affected, nor will it affect, how I do my job.”

Here’s what bothers me the most. In his radio interview, Ashburn said he is drawing on his Christian faith, and he asked people to pray for him.

PRAY FOR WHAT, you fucking cunt?!? That god forgives you for being gay? That he turns you into a heterosexual? Or that people don’t view you as a fat sanctimonious liar?

Imagine if I voted for all kinds of anti-Semitic legislation and then asked for people to forgive me because I was afraid to admit I was Jewish? Would I deserve sympathy, or would I be a Cunt of the Week™?

I rest my case. Congratulations, Sen. Roy Ashburn!

It’s on! Cunt of the Week™ will be a new feature, and you can nominate a candidate by writing to me at sisterwolf666@gmail.com.

Sting set the bar pretty high, but let’s face it, he’s not the only cunt around. Years ago, in the office where I worked with my BFF, we honored our Cunts of the Week™  by putting their picture on a nice gold ribbon we hung on the wall. It’s a lovely tradition that I will always cherish.

Here is the only criterion for nominations: The person has to have been a cunt during a given week, NOT just in general and NOT because of some behavior six months ago.

At the end of the year, we can vote for the prestigious Cunt of the Year™, and of course there will be a Lifetime Achievement Award too. (Madonna, I’m thinking of you here….)

If you’re an active member of PAP Smear, you already know about the newest evidence concerning Trig-gate. If not, you can check it out here and here.

The original Trig has a deformed ear. The current Trig does not. Nobody is saying where Mrs. P procured those Trigs, or even how many Trigs there might be. Nobody has yet seen a copy of any birth certificate.

Real Americans want Real Trigs, goddammit!

* cartoon from here.

I’ve always loved literary feuds, and now there’s a new one, between Andrew Sullivan and Leon Wieseltier.  Because the two men were once very close friends, their rift seems especially bitter.

I love Andrew Sullivan  because he was a vocal detractor of Mrs. Palin from the very beginning. He is also a Trig Truther, and has taken a lot of shit for it.  Leon Wieseltier, his former mentor, has accused him of being anti-Semitic.

I hope their feud goes on for a while longer, but I hope they make up in the end.  If their feud is too dry and political for you, you might like the Fax Feud between Camille Paglia and Julie Burchill, which degenerates quickly into hilarious name calling. It’s probably my all-time favorite.

Luckily, some literary feuds have been preserved on YouTube, like this one between William Buckley and Gore Vidal, where Buckley flips out and calls Vidal a “queer.”

Years ago, I enjoyed starting feuds in newsgroups, posting under the name “Latasha’P.” They area still search-able via Google groups. I managed to turn the men against the women by constantly referring to My Period. Ah, those were the days.

I’m glad that Feuding hasn’t become a lost art. A good feud is so bracing! I’ve noticed that no matter how provoking or obnoxious Sister Wolf is, no worthwhile feuds have developed. They are not for the timid, I guess. Or maybe  it’s because  everyone knows that deep down, I’m the nicest person on earth!

You know that website bloglovin? Well, nobody likes me there, but people who do (even though they don’t exist) also like a blog called Nubbytwiglet.

Nubbytwiglet is a really horrible girl who looks alot like Sarah Silverman, which for me is not a good thing. Not at all. She has lots of advice about how to be successful and famous. She is the last person I would want to be associated with.

Fine, maybe not the LAST but close. Why aren’t I popular?! I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, dog-gone it.  Shit. Is it because I’m a cunt?

Sea of  Shoes continues her reign of terror by designing a coat for Gryphon, a perfectly nice fashion line until now. Without ever meeting in person, Sea was able to transmit her design for the hideous coat she is modeling in this photo. Note the awkward bell sleeves and icky attached pouch.  If that’s not enough for you, Sea and Mom have SIGNED A BOOK DEAL!  Isn’t that fabulous?!?

Sea won’t publish your comments, you stupid peons, but you can leave them here.  I’ll go first.

Wow, awful coat, way to go! OMG, I heard about your book deal and asked myself, Where’s my book deal??  I wish I had an angle, like millions of shoes or a weird thing with my mom! Love, SW

Demi Moore has a lawyer and she’s not afraid to use him. She is threatening to sue the Internet for daring to accuse her of being photoshopped on the cover of W magazine. You can read her lawyer’s letter here.

Why does this woman get to be such an idiot?! Why doesn’t she have something better to do? Why are rich people so fucking delusional?

I’m sick of this bitch. I’m tired of her face, her child husband and her bad movies. I’m suing her ass.

Dear Mr Singer,

My client, Myself, is putting you on notice that unless your client, Ms. Moore, stops being a public nuisance, we will see you in court. My client has a right under the US Constitution to ‘the pursuit of happiness,’ which cannot be conducted under the present circumstances vis a vis Ms. Moore.

My client would like an apology from Ms. Moore for the continuing abuse of her celebrity. My client asks that Ms. Moore and that idiot she married stop tweeting, and tweeting about tweeting. They both need to go away and attend to the three daughters with the awful names and disfigured faces. They need to just shut the hell up, frankly, in order to restore my client’s relative serenity.

I really believe Demi Moore owes me an apology, along with Madonna, of course, who will have to kill herself on pay-per-view to make restitution for my pain and suffering.

Who owes you an apology?

It’s an official tradition*; every year at this time, I have to post The Story of the Lesbian Stick.  If it doesn’t bring a tear to your eye, then you know nothing of lesbians or the Spirit of Christmas.

Love and Blessings, SW

*p.s. This is for Ann xoxo

Times are hard but there is joy if you look for it.  Spend a moment with Andrew Halcro…..

When Carine Roitfeld looks this awful, I can only feel great! I’m pretty sure we’re the same age, and I’m sick of being envious. You go and look wrinkly, Carine! And wear more stupid get-ups like this one!

(Nope, it’s not Halloween in this picture, it’s an art opening in NYC “curated” by her son Vladimer.)