Godammit, I’m Mad!

Nothing helps to soothe the pain like a picture of Sea’s big fat face.

The vulgar coat, the stupid Louis Vuitton bag, the painful shoes and the gratuitous Gaysian and midget are just icing on the cake.

I hate you, you stupid moon-faced bitch. But it’s good to feel some healthy rage instead of the kind that makes you want to kill every single person who might have said the exact word at the exact time to persuade Max that life was worth living. The bad rage is driving me mad.

I’d like to tell that stupid bitch and her stupid mom to shut their stupid fucking mouths and wallets but if it weren’t for them tonight I’d be stuck in an endless loop of questions that will never be answered.

When I get the strength and pull myself together, I plan to begin a thorough, groundbreaking analysis of what makes Alec Baldwin so despicable. Prepare to be grilled on this topic.

The exclusive Sister Wolf Samurai Award is only for heroes, so you won’t be surprised that the newest recipients are the partners of DI$COUNT.

Cami and Nadia are fashion designers but much more. They had the courage to move to Thailand from their home in Australia, only to find themselves in the middle of a violent political clash. They were forced to flee to safer ground but their spirits are unbroken.

Last week, they posted a sharp and gleeful parody of Luxirare, an internet sensation known for striking but relentless branding.

They’ve replied congenially to people who scolded them for being “negative” and/or jealous. They’ve explained that they were blocked (and thus essentailly banned) from Luxirare’s website.

Here are two issues that won’t go away:

1. If you accept comments, should you censor them?
2. Is it bad etiquette to mock another blogger?

Personally, I think the answers are obvious: NO and NO, respectively.

As for parody, it is an art form. Nadia and Cami executed their parody with wit and style. It’s hard to see how it could be improved upon. If you don’t understand parody or satire, go see Spinal Tap again. Many years ago, The New Yorker ran a parody of Time Magazine, mocking their formulaic, awkward syntax. No one in those days would be so idiotic as to deem this effort “negative.” Why are people today such big babies??

Nadia and Cami are talented, passionate, funny, warm and as an added bonus, beautiful. They are Challenging the Paradigm, as Faux Fuchsia would say. They are Samurai and they rule.

Thank you Sea and Mom! You have given me the will to go on tonight!

Sea is wearing some stupid outfit from her high school production of “Robin Hood”, but she’s pretending it’s some avant garde Japanese designer. Haha, nice try, Sea.

Forget Sea, just LOOK at that background! Mom has had their house redecorated and behold the horror! I feel like it’s Christmas morning. Lucite modernist crap, tiger-skin rug, bronze bust, mirrored lamp a al Horchow Catalogue…it’s all good.

No doubt this fancy crib will be featured in the Dallas Daily Bugle or whatever their local paper is. But look, you’re in on it first. Mom will post tons of photos and her disciples will all go, “Oh god, it’s to die for! bla bla bla!”

Don’t leave your comments to Jane because this is not a Comments for Jane™ post. This is a Kudos to Mom™ post instead. I will go first:

Kudos to you, Mom! That’s one crazyass pad you got there. Did you snag some of that on eBay or did you just curate it? Could you buy me a new couch? My piece of shit from Ikea has fallen apart and now I’m too embarrassed to entertain. (Just kidding about the entertaining, not the couch!) Anyway, what an eye you have! You totally rock, love xoSW

This week’s award will have to be shared by the two authors of BleachBlack, a style blog that is rife with exclamations of fuck,  sick, dude, stoked, rad, killer, major, kickass, um, and all the other blogese we have come to expect from 20-something women who act like naughty schoolgirls.

Bleach and Black created a green nail polish called “Dickweed,” and that was just silly.

Now, they’ve come up with a new color called “Jizz,” a pearly-white that is modeled above by their pal Roomy, whom they slavishly mention at every opportunity.

Here’s the problem. It’s one thing to be a stupid would-be whore who manages to make money by posting photos of consumer goods and videos  with the caption “How amazing is this!” or “Hedi Slimane is a Genius!” It’s another thing to market nail polish called Jizz to their audience of clueless fashion girls.

Jizz? Dude. Is that like the coolest, funniest name for white nail polish, like ever?

I wouldn’t like to have to explain to my kids what jizz means. The whole idea is just sad. Why not spunk or smegma? I don’t like people who use the word jizz. They should use the word “come” but they don’t need to use it for nail polish. I think that in recent years, young girls have been giving out blowjobs with their phone numbers; the act has been downgraded from one of love and intimacy to a cheap party favor.

Nail polish called Jizz is an extention of that trend. It’s also a reminder of how the vernacular of porn has entered the everyday consciousness of the masses.

I resent BleachBlack for blighting my life with their lowbrow witlessness. Why did god make them? I hope you will join me in congratulating them for achieving the coveted Cunt of the Week™ award!

Remember when it was summer, and we’d cut off an old pair of jeans to make shorts? I still do that, nearly every year. Why do trendy brands like Vince think we want to pay $195 for a pair of cut-offs? Why do they think we’re that stupid? Are we?

The brand “What Goes Around Comes Around” really thinks we’re stupid.  They want us to pay $195 for putting some studs in a pair of Converse lowtops.  The studded hightops are $350. As if!

WGACA is a multiple offender. See this “Chanel” necklace? They want you to pay $795 for it, because you think it’s vintage. Chanel is the most counterfeited brand in the entire world, and some of it is very convincing if you don’t know better. This WGACA shit is being sold all over the place for tons of money. It’s just crap.

It annoys me to have my common sense challenged like this. Everybody’s all up in arms over a pricey T-shirt by Balmain, but the assumption that the style-conscious consumer is a stupid idiot is rampant across the board.

I hope those cutoffs don’t sell. I need to think that no one’s that stupid.

Sea has been busy busy busy.  Above, she models the first creation of a new jewelry and belt line that she and Mom are launching. Hopefully, there will be giant slugs and cockroaches too.

Secretly, Sea has been visiting the brothels of Bangkok, looking for Asian boys with prominent anuses. She has become a favorite with the locals, who scream and hold out their prosthetic legs, hoping she will reward them with a Miu Miu platform bootie or Givenchy ballet flat.

While Sea was off indulging her appetite for hipster porn, Mom discovered that after spending $25,000 at Barneys, she could pick up a Celine bag with her free points! You can see it over at her blog. Meanwhile, Mom plundered eBay for its most icky offerings, including this tragic ‘dragon sweater’:

The sweater will look cool with another of Mom’s recent eBay finds, a scary fish pendant:

Back at Mom’s blog, she shows off some other crap she “won” on eBay. She still can’t use the word “buy!” I love this stubbornness so much, it reminds me of myself and that’s what I look for in people.

Mom’s shopping has gotten so out of control, Sea has threatened to delete her blog. Mom begged Sea to reconsider, even promising to hand over all her curated knits from the 70’s, including every single Adolfo cardigan jacket rejected by Nancy Reagan.

Sea is planing to replace Karl Lagerfeld at Chanel, based on her work with crayons. Karl is upset, but you can’t fight progress. Yohji and Junya have gone into hiding.

Mom is hoping to work for Sea, without whom her life would be an endless quest for bad jewelry and letters to her ex-husband, begging for funds. Mom has been calling Carol, tattling on Sea’s naughty lesbian proclivities, hoping Carol can persuade Sea to make up with Akbar.

Carol is too busy to leave her studies but here’s what she wrote to Mom:

Dear Mom, I think you should let Jane be free to follow her dreams. You should find a way to fulfill yourself without exploiting Jane or Dad. I’ve learned here at school that there’s more to life than hoarding material goods. Love, Carol.

Do you have a comment for Jane? You can leave one here, thanks to my gracious gift of comment space for this purpose.

On the subject of Terry Richardson, here is blogger ‘Gnarlitude Jen’:

“If someone is uncomfortable in any situation, they have the fucking choice to say NO.
Sorry but this is a choice those models made. If he got naked and they weren’t having it, walk the fuck out. Otherwise, don’t complain about him later when you chose to be there. If your agency drops you because you didn’t want to suck him off, well then that’s that. Don’t give me none of this pussy shit. So now everyone reads all these ‘terrible stories and omg he’s such a bad guy’. Has no one seen his photos before? What’d they think was gonna happen? All good clean fun and maybe some prayer circle after?
So if a model gives him a hand job, did he force his dick in their hand? If they’re that hungry for fame that they’re willing to do whatever to get it, including sucking him off and then whining all over about it later then fuck them.”

Dear [Sister],

Thank you for your email.

One of the campaigns at H&M this spring was shot by Terry Richardson. We always have an H&M representative present during our fashion shoots and we have no information that something inappropriate has happened. If these accusations are true though, it is of course unacceptable.

We have no upcoming campaigns with Terry Richardson.

Best regards, H & M Hennes & Mauritz AB

—–Original Message—–
From: inquiry@hm.com [mailto:inquiry@hm.com]
Sent: den 25 mars 2010 09:42
To: info.se@hm.com (SEINFO)
Subject: Sweden Sweden : H&M ads photographed by Terry Richardson

E-mail / E-mail: sisterwol 666@gmail.com

Subject / Subject: H&M ads photographed by Terry Richardson

Message / Message:
I would like to protest H&M’s use of photographer Terry Richardson in its advertising campaigns. Terry Richardson is known to be a sexual predator who has abused fashion models and sexually harassed them.

Please let me know what you plan to do about this.

http://jezebel.com/5495699/exclusive-more-models-come-forward-with-alleg
ations-against-fashion-photographer

Thanks in advance for taking action on this matter.

Hahahaha!

$248 at Free People.

California State Senator Roy Ashburn (R) seemed like too much of a no-brainer for Cunt of the Week™, but then I thought, “If it walks like a cunt and it quacks like a cunt….”

The man is a cunt, pure and simple. With a staunch anti-gay rights voting record, Ashburn has come out as gay, only after being arrested for DUI upon leaving a popular gay nightspot in Sacramento.

Ashburn has voted against a number of gay rights measures, including efforts to expand anti-discrimination laws and recognize out-of-state gay marriages. Last year, he opposed a bill to establish a day of recognition to honor slain gay rights activist Harvey Milk.

Equality California, a group that advocates for expanded gay rights and other issues, has consistently given Ashburn a zero rating on its scorecard.

Today, Ashburn’s statement is typically self-dramatizing and hypocritical:

“I am gay … those are the words that have been so difficult for me for so long.” (Awwww, boo hoo!) “The best way to handle that is to be truthful and to say to my constituents and all who care that I am gay. But I don’t think it’s something that has affected, nor will it affect, how I do my job.”

Here’s what bothers me the most. In his radio interview, Ashburn said he is drawing on his Christian faith, and he asked people to pray for him.

PRAY FOR WHAT, you fucking cunt?!? That god forgives you for being gay? That he turns you into a heterosexual? Or that people don’t view you as a fat sanctimonious liar?

Imagine if I voted for all kinds of anti-Semitic legislation and then asked for people to forgive me because I was afraid to admit I was Jewish? Would I deserve sympathy, or would I be a Cunt of the Week™?

I rest my case. Congratulations, Sen. Roy Ashburn!