Leather Legging Boots, Hurry!

December 5th, 2013

Leather legging boots

 

Okay, great. Nothing is better than a fashion hybrid that makes life more awkward and uncomfortable. Leather legging boots (try saying it three times, really fast) are a “creation” by Tamara Mellon that she describes as  ”a thigh boot that pulls right up into a legging. You can wear a sweater over it or a big man’s shirt and there’s no gap.”

What gap?? She seems to think she has solved a problem, instead of causing a new one. The only way this creation could be more tragic would be an open toe.

Why didn’t Tamara Mellon go big and cut off the toe? Maybe the summer version will answer my prayers.

All I know about Tamara Mellon is that she used to own Jimmy Choo and she sued her mother for a billion dollars. But I am bracing myself for a deluge of Tamara Mellon crap, fawned over by it-girls, fashion editors and bloggers who describe their content as “The musings of a bla bla bla.”

$1,995 at Net-a-porter and ten sizes are already sold out.

My Favorite Iggy

December 2nd, 2013

 

Iggy_Pop

 

I don’t like Iggy Pop, even though I’m aware of his importance to punk music. Doesn’t he sing the Passenger song? Whatever. He needs to put his shirt on but seems committed to showing off his stringy malnourished physique. Honestly, the man is an eyesore, take him away.

Whereas Australian rap artist Iggy Azalea is a goddess and my latest obsession.

iggy good

 

I could look at her forever. The first time I saw her video ‘Work,‘ I was unsettled by its raunchiness and her snarling nasal rapping. But I couldn’t take my eyes off her. Six feet tall with a blond swath of mermaid hair and a huge booty, the sight of Iggy Azalea in skintight white pants on the David Letterman show was mesmerizing.

Would Dave be able to handle a greeting? Would her camel-toe become even more pronounced? Would she give me a shout-out by name? For some reason my husband is immune to her effect, and I’ve stopped trying to make him look at her videos.  That’s cool. He can have Iggy Pop if he wants.

Let’s look at more Iggy Azalea:

Iggy-Azalea swimsuit-goddess

 

iggy red carpet small

 

People have accused Iggy of having butt implants but I believe this butt is god-given, the better to twerk (part of her stage-act for years, she has pointed out defensively.)

I wish we could be girlfriends and talk lipstick.  Meanwhile, I will worship her from afar. And don’t argue with me until you’ve heard her rap.

 

Where is Jackie’s Hat???

November 22nd, 2013

Jackie's hat

 

Last night I heard for the first time that Jackie’s pink hat is missing: No one knows what happened to it after all these years.

This is just mind-boggling, isn’t it? If anything in this world is iconic, it’s that pillbox hat. How can it be missing?! Jackie’s maid put the suit in a plastic bag but she doesn’t know about the hat.

If they managed to keep this secret for 50 years, they fucking well know about the conspiracy/conspiracies, too.

I genuinely feel upset about the hat. I am surprised but less upset to learn that the pink suit is not Chanel, but rather an exact copy of a Chanel suit, made in New York. Good for Jackie. Coco Chanel consorted with too many Nazi’s. Perhaps Jackie knew this subconsciously.

Watching the old news footage, I can’t help but marvel at Jackie’s immense grace and dignity. No wonder our fascination with her is so enduring.

But the missing hat reminded me of a dream I had a few years ago, that for some reason I had in my possession a hatbox with Jackie’s head in it. I’m pretty sure the hat was there too. I remembered being appalled by this horrible dream imagery, and yet kind of proud of it’s originality.

Now I feel guilty, in keeping with my pervading sense that everything, everything, is my fault.

Christmas Gifts: Part I

November 20th, 2013

Finger-gloves

 

“The Bless Finger Gloves are a conceptual take on a classic pair of winter gloves. Individual sleeves for each finger keep your digits toasty”

Are these Finger Gloves cute or what? Imagine the fun of your partner waiting around as you carefully put on ten little woolen condoms, then starting all over again because you mistook the thumb for the pinky finger!  The silver thingies will snag your silk evening dress or fishnet stockings….perfection.  Just $390.

By the same brand, Bless, here is an eye-catching hair brush:

hair hairbrush

 

 ”It’s both unnerving and funny at once, leaving one with mixed feelings of curiosity and intrigue. “

(They forgot rage and horror.) I am guessing that this is a ‘conceptual take’ as well. The word ‘conceptual’ is probably something to think about when shopping for Christmas gifts. An empty box would be a conceptual take on a classic present, and plus it would be free, as opposed to this hair-brush, which is $350.

I actually love Creatures of Comfort, the shop where I found these items, and they have a wide variety of fashion-forward clothes, leaning toward the minimalist mental patient look. I even have a pair of boots I bought there, sitting quietly in their box, wondering if they will ever see the light of day.

No Dancing

November 18th, 2013

Jessie Wilcox smith - At the Back of the North Wind

 

When I saw a few moments of the Cancer Dance video on the evening news, I was dismayed. The news people smiled and exchanged platitudes about courage and healing. Wouldn’t it be wonderful, they mused, if people everywhere were inspired by the dancing mastectomy patient to face cancer with such joy?

If you’re reading this and you have cancer, and you like the dancing, please forgive me for my bad attitude.

I just feel that it’s one more way to pressure people into masking their trauma and fear and grief. BE HAPPY! Find a silver lining! Things could be worse! Be thankful for the ‘lesson’ of cancer or death!

Our culture offers nothing for the grief-stricken. We just want them to keep quiet or go away. What if some women insisted on wearing black mourning clothes to her mastectomy, to say goodbye to her breasts? That video would not go viral.

I will never be “over” my loss and I will always grieve. I accept that but no one else does, except for the parents I see on online forums, who express their anguish and desperation to strangers who have Been There. Online People can be remarkably patient and compassionate. Real Life people get sick of your morose demeanor. They get sick of hearing you ask with complete sincerity, “Why doesn’t so-and-so just kill themself?” They are upset by your negativity. And they feel helpless in the face of such intractable sadness.

A couple of nights ago, I chatted online with a total stranger who seemed really smart and really nice. I told her my story and asked what to do about facing or avoiding my dark constant companion, as I think of it.

She asked a few questions and then told me that grief was noble. She advised me to look for people I could help, and to honor my son however I could.  Her words were a huge comfort.

I’m going to just feel noble instead of hating myself for being sad. I’m not going to dance and act happy, because I’m not a model of courage and positivism. And If I find out I have cancer, I’m going to make a big fuss and take to my bed.  I wish America were like Africa, with shaman elders to dance around and perform some rituals for us who have lost our children or breasts or limbs or sanity.

At least there are wise strangers out there in cyberspace.

Douche Fest!

November 12th, 2013

Ricki-Hall-4

 

Ricki-Hall-by-Ram-Shergill-for-Ziad-Ghanem-Couture-AW13-3

Ricki Hall is a Douche Icon whose only true rival is Francois Verkerk.

francois verkerk perfect

 

How could you choose one over the other? Does Francois win because of his awful moustache? Or does Ricki’s full beard and grumpy scowl put him over the top?

douche tasticpierced douche 1

 

Compared with the two champs, the pair of douches above are neither here nor there. The huge ear hole wins points but otherwise, nothing.

movember-moustache-with-tatoos

 

This one could have reached Ricki/Francois status if he didn’t look so circusy.

The world of douches is a wonderful distraction that I urge everyone to explore and embrace. I wonder if they like each other or if they are arch enemies? When this douche thing is over, there will be thousands of dejected clowns roaming the earth, saving pennies for laser treatments.

Meanwhile, let’s rate them.

(c) Jonathan Daniel Price

Click on this guy above ( (c) Jonathan Daniel Price) and add up your points.

Hairdo
Facial hair
Earplugs
Septum ring
Chest tattoo
Backpack
Tearful expression

I’m willing to bet that he isn’t wearing socks, which brings his total to 8 out of 10.

Lou Reed, Good Riddance

November 2nd, 2013

lou-reed

My memory of hearing the Velvet Underground for the first time is indelible in every detail. I had just moved to London and I was sixteen and up for anything. I was smoking hash with some guys I’d just met, sitting around stoned in their dark attic flat, when someone put on “Sister Ray.” I was transported to another dimension,  thrilling and unspeakably depraved.

I loved the Velvet Underground. By the time Max was in high school, he loved them too.

But in the last 15 years, I have come to hate Lou Reed, so his death left me cold. Big deal, is my feeling; he wasted a liver that should have gone to someone younger. Expressing my antipathy to Lou Reed on Facebook brought me new enemies and inflamed old ones. I guess that’s what Facebook is all about.

The problem, for me, is that Lou Reed was a willing and eager role model for young musicians who admired his stance as a flagrant dope-loving junkie, whose love-songs to dope make Keith Richard look like a Catholic schoolgirl. For those drawn to the dark side, Lou was a formidable siren. He made heroin synonymous with coolness.

I know you can’t blame artists for the actions of their followers. Marilyn Manson was rightly annoyed when people blamed him for the Columbine shootings. Gangsta rap might offend you, but it doesn’t turn law-abiding kids into gangsters.

Still, young people are vulnerable. They are searching for an ‘identity’ as they struggle to break away from their parents’ dominion. And a rock star who glamorizes intravenous drug use is a real problem. The worst thing Madonna’s fans could do was to go around looking like a slut. And they did. But fucking Lou Reed has lured kids into hospitals, Hep C and early graves.

I wish he had wised up early and had cautioned people not to romanticize heroin. Even William Burroughs described addiction as a gruesome nightmare of endless need and decaying flesh. But not Lou. For the last ten years at least, Lou Reed has appeared all over the place, blathering drunkenly about how important he is, or how important his friends are. Just a few months ago, I heard him blabbing about his friends Marina Abramovich, Yoko, Anthony Hegarty (who he kept calling ‘Ant’) and on and on. He was an asshole.

Max didn’t live long enough to see what an asshole Lou Reed was. He learned that heroin was a rocky path without glamour or romance, but then it was too late.

Lou Reed didn’t persuade me to use a needle, but maybe if I’d been a boy with a guitar things would have been different. If I was god, I’d go back and erase Lou Reed. I would also make sure that people knew about depression in children, so it couldn’t go on unchecked. I would trade the entire musical output of Lou Reed for the two kids I met in rehab who died from an overdose.

Fuck you Lou, and the horse you rode in on.

Luz Del Fuego

October 28th, 2013

Luz Del Fuego was a fascinating woman who founded the first “naturist” club in Brazil in 1955, on the island of Tapuama. She was a dancer, activist and an icon of feminism.  Her murder in 1967 is still surrounded by controversy.

Pictures of Luz do not do her justice. This video has reawakened my interest in her. Don’t watch it if you have a thing about snakes.

 

Luz del perfect

 

The Apotheosis of Hideous Fur Coats

October 24th, 2013

pucci coat

 

Emilio Pucci – Printed calf hair, goat and fox coat, $21,750

Editor’s Notes:

“This printed calf hair coat was one of the final looks of Emilio Pucci’s fall runway. Trimmed with fox and goat hair, this coverup is accented with strips of leather and suede. Accentuate the stud embellishments with silver jewelry.”

Eeoooow! Look how they can’t even bring themselves to call it a “coat.” It’s a “coverup.” How could this thing be more horrible?  I really think Pucci has nailed it.

~

On the other hand, I actually like this one:

Robert Cavalli coat

 

Roberto Cavalli – dyed fox and raccoon coat, $17,860

I could never wear a garment made from dead things that might be in my back yard; raccoon fur might as well be possum or rat as far as I’m concerned.

But at least it’s fluffy and colorful, evoking groupies and hookers and fun-loving Eurotrash.

What do you think? Hate them both? Hate me? Weigh in.

Bullies

October 23rd, 2013

welcome to the dollhouse

 

Unlike gun control, the subject of bullying seems to be maintaining some traction in social media and elsewhere. Now we have a 12 year old girl who killed herself following a long reign of terror by schoolmates who even gloated after her death.

Yesterday, I read about a father who had taken to Facebook to denounce the bullying that preceded his son’s suicide, and was subjected to a barrage of nasty comments.

The two responses that bother me most are these:

“Kids have always been mean and there’s nothing you can do to change that.”

and:

“Parents should monitor what their kids do online.”

Both are just excuses for maintaining the status quo, and the status quo is pretty fucking alarming.

I don’t believe that kids are born mean, or that bullying is a developmental phase that is hard-wired and natural. The old adage that Kids are Just Mean is as stupid as the injunction that allowed parents to beat their children with impunity: Spare the rod and spoil the child. We now agree that the latter is outrageous. It has been a slow change in our culture but nonetheless it is a significant shift in thinking and behavior.

I think that our culture can eliminate bullying by a concerted effort at home, in child-rearing, at school, and in legislation, to make it clear that bullying is socially unacceptable, period. Where it occurs, just like smacking your kids around, it should result in sanctions like fines or hearings in Juvenile court.

The opportunities for bullying have obviously multiplied with new technology. There are brand new platforms for bullying every day. Like the news cycle, the bullying cycle is now 24/7. There is no safe place for a kid unlucky enough to be targeted by bullies. You can’t just go home and watch TV to forget about it.

When I talk about cyberbullying with friends, they tend to blame the victim for going online or using their smart-phone. But that’s what kids do! Why should a kid have to give up this means of recreation to stay safe from other kids urging them to drink bleach and kill themselves?

A couple of months ago, I read about a programmer who had developed an algorithm that Facebook could use to raise a red flag for bullying or suicidal ideation. But guess what? Facebook was not interested. They are busy suspending users for posting depictions of nudity for other adult friends and followers. The safety of teens is a non-issue to Facebook. In fact, Facebook has just relaxed its restrictions on teen users, to compete with other forms of social media that are gaining popularity with that demographic.

Bullying is out of control. Most schools just give lip service to “Zero Tolerance.” This is clear in every tragic news story and in my own experience as a mom. We need to agree as a culture that kids are people, with the same rights to safety and dignity as adults. Kids can be fragile and insecure and kids can be angry enough about their home-lives that they seek relief by abusing someone they perceive as weaker. We need to intervene.

Bully_Rules_poster

 

Thoughts, anyone?

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