Godammit, I’m Mad!

I came across this ad in Marie Claire a few days ago, and couldn’t believe it wasn’t a joke. “Masque” is a new product for women who would enjoy performing oral sex if only it tasted like chocolate or watermelon.

I think it’s a little strip that dissolves in your mouth like a breath-freshener thingie. The only time I tried one of those mouthwash strips,  I nearly choked to death, trying to spit it out.

Anyway, the ad’s tagline is beyond sickening: “Expect flowers tomorrow” it promises suggestively, showing a happy couple who have evidently managed the tricky completion of oral sex. Their expressions are ridiculous, much like the product itself.

Who are these fucking people who need to “Masque” the taste of sex and then expect flowers?!?

Ladies, if your man pulled out a “Masque” strip before doing his job, wouldn’t you just snarl, “Don’t bother?”  I guess men are supposed to be so desperate that they’d send flowers.

This ad and the mentality it reflects is pathetic and gross and makes me want to kill everyone involved.

Thoughts?

Do you find yourself craving those stupid rolled-up boyfriend jeans that Katie Holmes has been bothering us with? Don’t worry, you’re just reacting like a consumer, tirelessly trained by the advertising industry to buy whatever is deemed the New Thing.

The reason you want them is also because they look different from the jeans you already have. If the fashion marketers didn’t persuade you that what you already have is uncool and out of style, they would go out of business! You know that, right? But you still want those stupid jeans!

You want them, and you’d prefer the ones by Current/Elliott, because their publicists have been working around the clock to make you aware of them.

But guess what? They’re stupid! You won’t look good in them, and you’ll have to explain to your boyfriend why you’re wearing them instead of the tight jeans he’s accustomed to seeing on you. You will have no decent excuse, believe me.

Instead of responding to a new fashion imperative, why not consider resisting it! This item is the perfect one to renounce.  Imagine the freedom to ignore all fashion rules, or to make up your own.

Let’s admire Anna Piaggi and her friend Viv. They would never have taken the bait of those stupid jeans!