Godammit, I’m Mad!

Look what my brilliant friend Hammie developed to help non-verbal kids communicate, starring her daughter Grace. If only we could all have mothers like Hammie (and daughters like Grace!)

It’s taken me a long time to gather my courage to address the Tavi Problem.  As her celebrity increases, I keep wondering why nobody brings up the subject of autism.

Aspergers Syndrome is a condition on the autistic spectrum, often characterized by a high IQ and an intense preoccupation with a specialized field of interest. In children, Aspergers can be especially endearing. A young person animated by a passion for learning, even if it’s about vacuum cleaners, is a pleasure to be around. As the mom of a kid who attends a special needs school, I’ve come to recognize signs of Aspergers from a mile off, and I’ve come to appreciate the quirky brainy kids that my son hangs out with.

Tavi strikes me as a kid with Aspergers whose obsession dovetails perfectly with the zeitgeist, i.e. the burgeoning influence of bloggers and the fashion industry’s desperation to appear ‘fresh’ and appeal to new markets.  Her extraordinary knowledge of fashion is mind boggling and she clearly has a prodigious memory for details. Gregory Evans has a similar understanding of vacuum cleaners, a gift that has earned him some notoriety but unfortunately not the same outpouring of love that Tavi has received.

Here is what Rodarte sister Kate Mulleavy says of Tavi: “When spending time with Tavi, I am always astonished by her observations. Tavi is a writer in every sense. Her way of interacting with the world comes from a sensitivity and madness that belongs to poets and bank robbers.”

My goodness! Poets and bank robbers?! I worry that Tavi is the Flavor of the Month, and that when the fashion world grows tired of her it will be a difficult transition. I hope her parents know what they’re doing.

My purpose in this discussion is not to diminish Tavi’s achievement but to suggest that using the term Aspergers Syndrome or even autism would help to dispel the notion that those on the spectrum are retarded or stupid. It would encourage other gifted kids to pursue their interests, full steam ahead.

I’m prepared to be scolded for daring to label everyone’s little darling, who is only thirteen. But it’s a label I use with affection and admiration. I’d like to see more kids and adults identify themselves as being on the spectrum. I’d like to see the end of the stigma that persists. As for the Rodarte sisters, I’m pretty sure they have Aspergers too.

But I am nothing if not a mom.

I was too depressed to write a Mother’s Day thing.  I was planning to link back to Mothers Who Kill, to get a discussion going.  Then I considered posting a photo of my mom, back when she looked young and beautiful and full of hope.  In the end, I went to bed ignoring the subject and feeling sorry for myself. An obscure self-pity. You know the kind, if you’re a mom with teenagers or grown-up children.

I am writing a book in my head about motherhood, and the first chapter will be titled “Relax: Whatever You Do Will Be Wrong!”

The last chapter will describe The Samurai Mom™.  But first I need to bestow the Sister Wolf Samurai Award upon my friend Hammie.  She represents the essence of what being a Samurai Mom™ is all about.

Hammie rides into battle every single day. She will stay on that horse no matter what. She will battle for her children whenever necessary, fearlessly and often thanklessly.  She will battle with her children, too, since raising them involves standing up to them when it would be easier to give in or just hide under the bed.

Hammie’s two kids are autistic, which means she must be their advocate and attorney as well as their mom. She isn’t daunted by the A word, and has made it her business to uncover and celebrate the ‘other side’ of austism, i.e. the gift of the unusual mind.

She is a noble Samurai who constantly finds new ways to help her children blossom, and to cherish their successes. She finds strategies instead of complaining or seeing problems as either/or situations.  She reaches out to parents and kids who seek her wisdom or friendship.

I wish I’d had a mom like Hammie! I wish I could be a mom like Hammie. In difficult situations, mom’s could do a lot worse than ask themselves, “What would Hammie do?”

You can even go to her blog and ask her. She will not only answer, she might just send you a box of chocolate Tim Tams.

So Susan Boyle has not only groomed her eyebrows, but get this: SHE BOUGHT A NEW LIPSTICK!

I’m trying not to read any more stories or opinions about Susan Boyle, but I slipped up today. The Daily Mail is making a big deal about the lipstick, but I didn’t sense any criticism.  Other recent reports have seemed deeply resentful of Susan’s steps toward a mainstream look.

How dare she become self-conscious all of a sudden?!  We’ve been baited and switched! We were promised a geeky old spinster, like Bette Davis in “Now Voyager,” but instead we’ve got a woman wearing lipstick who looks ALMOST NORMAL! I think this is the essence of what is supposed to be The Susan Boyle Backlash.

Here is the unearthed tape of Susan Boyle auditioning for a TV show 15 years ago. This may add to the backlash, because it proves that she didn’t just crawl out of a hole at 48 and decide to sing. She’s always wanted to sing, and has made several attempts to have a career at it.  In this audition, she manages to play along as some fucking cunt™ clowns around, apparently ridiculing her performance.

I haven’t stopped loving her, and I’m happy if she’s happy with her new look. What I see in her also is a person who has been to some degree “off” her whole life: Slightly weird, slightly different. It’s obvious, right? Maybe she’s even a bit autistic. I know she left school early because of “learning difficulties.” It’s a quality that I’m always drawn to.

I hope she has enough support to cope with the attention, judgements, and the inevitable fall from grace when the public and the media grow tired of her and move on.

Flo and Kay are autistic twins who are also savants: They can calculate calendar dates and they remember everything. They enjoy music and they worship Dick Clark like a deity, literally. They are sometimes called “The Rainman Twins,” which is unfortunate, since they are not movie characters. Their lives have been fraught with tragedy, but they are unusually happy and resilient.

Watching the documentary about Flo and Kay, I fell in love with them. I can’t even imagine anyone feeling differently.

My response at the end of the documentary was, Why doesn’t Dick Clark hook them up with some money, so they can afford better care? He has met the twins, and knows that they consider him their personal Savior. What’s a million dollars to Dick Clark?!?

What a fucking cunt.

I’ve been meaning to write about this for a long time, but I guess I wasn’t mad enough.

John Travolta should have been outed, and not for being gay. His insistence that his son Jett, now dead at 16, wasn’t autistic has bothered me for years. Travolta has denied all talk of autism, even refusing to attend the premiere of his brother Joey’s film about autism.

Scientology does not accept autism as a legitimate condition. Instead, Travolta and his wife Kelly have militantly insisted that their son was afflicted with Kawasaki disease, a rare illness that usually lasts a few days and can be treated quite easily once it is diagnosed. It is rarely fatal and is not associated with any developmental disorder.

John Travolta has kept his son hidden from the public as best as he could, but his lovely and healthy daughter Ella has been photographed often, even at red-carpet events. When rumors of Jett’s autism hit the internet, Travolta’s wife arranged with a national magazine to have photos of her and Jett frolicking together at a beach. A nice PR move that only made it more obvious to people familiar with  autism that the kid was autistic. See a recent video here, until it is mysteriously removed from the internet.

Why does this matter? Here’s why:

1. Jett Travolta was not allowed any services or intervention that could have made his life better. At 16, he remained non-verbal and was isolated from his peers. Neighbors of the Travoltas reported that Jett was left to watch videos all day and was not allowed to join the rest of the family at meals. He could barely hold a crayon.

2. Jett Travolta apparently had seizures, which can afflict up to 50% of autistic children. He should not have been left alone to take a bath. He had two caretakers with him in the Bahamas, and yet he died in a bathtub. At first, the police reported that Jett had last been seen the night before he was discovered dead at 10: AM. The story has since changed.

The real story of Jett Travolta will be covered up. Scientology is a force stronger than most investigative reporters. I am heartbroken for the loss of this boy, but his life for the last 16 years should have been better, and we don’t need an autopsy to know his death could have been prevented with more diligent attention from his caretakers.

Read a frighteningly prophetic mention of Jett Travolta here.