Godammit, I’m Mad!

The Man Repeller is not just repelling men. Consider me repelled. I don’t think I “get” her, but I don’t think I’d like her if I did.

Why is she everywhere?? Why is she so connected, because there is no other way this girl would be in Harper’s Bazaar, and the subject of nearly every fashion or blog related article on the internet.

Am I resentful? DUH, fuck yes! Why isn’t the world adoring me instead?!?

I’ve been mocking ugly clothes for years now. I’m funny and I have a way with words, ahem.  But I don’t have a schtick! Damn me, this must be the problem. Unless it’s because I’m a cunt, rather than just “snarky.”

I don’t understand how a rich girl who talks about getting cabs in Paris and buys high-end designer stuff can position herself as a critic of fashion victims. I don’t understand why anyone wants to hear the word “ladyboner” or why people begin sentences with the words “I mean.” You can’t begin a sentence with “I mean” unless someone has posed the question, “What do you mean?”

I just read an excruciating interview with the Man Repeller in which she observes that red lipstick is not appealing to men but she finds it sexy. Haha, you silly goose, you clearly know nothing about men or red lipstick! I need you to either go away or give me your parents’ money so I can fix my roof and my two broken teeth.

A leaking roof and broken teeth: That’s what man repelling is all about.

Aren’t you guys sick of seeing the studded Isabel Marant booties that cost around $1,200?  Now you can have the satisfaction of knowing that this knockoff version is almost identical.  I hate both versions at this point, but that’s because I am (1) destitute and (2) crippled.

I hope someone hurries up and knocks off those huge Acne platform wedges.  Quick, Steve Madden and Jeffrey Campbell!

Psychiatrists have defined a new subgroup of what is known as ‘adjustment disorders.’ Somewhat similar to post traumatic stress disorder, post traumatic embitterment disorder is triggered by a negative life event which “is experienced as a violation of basic beliefs and values.”

The predominant emotion in PTED is embitterment. PTED patients also complain about feelings of injustice and rage. A recent German study used a PTED self-rating scale to determine the prevalence of the disorder. The scale is described as a reliable and valid measure for embitterment.

Having spent nearly two hours reading about this new diagnosis and searching for the PTED scale online, I was extremely bitter in my defeat.  I WANT TO TAKE THE TEST, GODAMMIT!

I love psychological tests. The one for OCD starts with questions about germs and counting and then casually asks if you ever have thoughts about poisoning your dinner guests. Once you start laughing, it ruins the decorum of the test, but I recommend taking it.

Bitterness seems like something that’s hard to quantify. How bitter is too bitter? How long do you get to feel bitter before it is considered pathological? Maybe such enduring bitterness is the only sane response to some events. Who gets to decide?

I know a woman whose husband had an affair 30 years ago. They are still together, but she talks about his infidelity as though it happened yesterday. That seems pathological.

Then there is artist Hugues de Montalembert who was blinded by muggers who threw paint thinner in his face.  An interview I once came across referred to the artist as “still bitter.” Now that sounds pretty accusatory, doesn’t it? Is he supposed to get to a point where he feels, Oh what the hell, shit happens!

If tragedy doesn’t beget embitterment, what kind of culture have we become? When you see funerals outside the US and western Europe, there is wailing and all kinds of openly emotional displays of grief.  It always seems more human and sane than the understated mourning that is so prevalent here.

If bitterness is pathologized, one journalist has suggested, then what about extreme racism? That seems far more delusional and crippling, to me, anyway.

Personally, I like being bitter. I like to hold a grudge, and it’s a point of honor with me. People who give up their grudges strike me as shallow. A good grudge should last a lifetime. It can be invigorating, or even comforting.  Ma Haine Dure!

Of course it is good and healthy to forgive, if the thing is forgivable.  Some things aren’t. If anyone can find me the PTED self-rating scale, I would be glad to post my results (if the scale goes high enough, that is.)