Godammit, I’m Mad!

I know that in the grand scheme of things, celebrities don’t matter, but once in a while they intrude upon my thoughts and sicken me more than a hideous display of fringed boots at Nordstrom.

John Mayer is not just an ugly face or a mediocre musician, he’s now proved him self to be an unforgivable cad. If you’re above watching trash TV, you may not know that John Mayer stood on a New York street corner to tell some paparazzi why he broke up with Jennifer Aniston. He repeated the phrase “I ended it because” several times. He needed to make sure that the world knows he is the dumper, and Jennifer Aniston is the dumpee. His insistent praise of her (“She is the loveliest person! The most sophisticated person!”) were just more knives in her back. The unspoken clause is obviously, “but I still don’t want a relationship with her.”

John, didn’t anyone ever teach you some manners? What an egotistical fucking douche! After all the nosejobs she’s had, doesn’t Jen deserve better?! Does she need to hack off the entire nose?!?!

All one can do is wait patiently for the tabloids to plot Jennifer’s next move. It will be one of the following:

1. “Jen turns to Brad for consolation!”
2. “Jen is furious, because SHE’S the one who ended it!”
3. “Jen bounces back by dating the hunky [fill in name here."]

After winning the title of “Most Publicly Humiliated Woman in the World” from Hilary Clinton, Jennifer Aniston merits a place on the Democratic ticket or at least a decent boyfriend who’ll stick around and keep his mouth shut.

Earlier today, I was very annoyed by a crazy bitch who’s been taunting me online. But then I realized that if I had to go around kicking the ass of every single person I’ve somehow pissed off, I’d have no time for anything else.

Even better, I came across these godforsaken boots at Neiman Marcus, and my life was once again filled with joy. Who would buy these monstrosities?!  Besides Cher and Pamela Anderson, I mean.

They are priced at $395, a small price to pay for all this grotesque ugliness! Just try deciding which pair is worse!

My pal enc wants these Prada Boots, which Neiman Marcus will gladly provide for $1,200.  In a lucky coincidence, I found my self online last night, hypnotized by crazy boots at Amazon.

Once I started looking, I couldn’t stop. It’s like eating Oreo cookies. You must keep going until the package is empty. I found a style that’s similar to the Prada, at a savings of $1,150.

Call me nuts, but I just don’t see why anyone needs Prada. I feel the same about the Lanvin ballet flats. The only reason to pay $500 for them is to feel special for wasting all that money. You can waste only $134 at Sue London for the same buttery soft quality, plus they come with a matching leather shoe bag!

I think I’m as brainwashed as anyone into craving luxury items at insane prices. But more and more, I’m wondering if the initial rush is worth it. Do we really need the tag to say Prada or Chanel to feel good about ourselves? I’m starting to feel “Been there, Done that” about luxury items. But maybe you need to own a beat up, poorly constructed Chanel bag to achieve this attitude.

It’s not like I’ve transcended snobbery or anything. I’d still go barefoot before buying shoes by Jessica Simpson. I still recoil from Juicy Couture. In fact, if I stop, someone call a doctor!

Back to the splendor of the crazy boots at Amazon (and speaking of Doctors) here is one I’d like for the boudoir:

And here’s the one that upset me the most.

These limited edition runway boots are $3,400 if you hurry up!