Godammit, I’m Mad!

Remember when it was summer, and we’d cut off an old pair of jeans to make shorts? I still do that, nearly every year. Why do trendy brands like Vince think we want to pay $195 for a pair of cut-offs? Why do they think we’re that stupid? Are we?

The brand “What Goes Around Comes Around” really thinks we’re stupid.  They want us to pay $195 for putting some studs in a pair of Converse lowtops.  The studded hightops are $350. As if!

WGACA is a multiple offender. See this “Chanel” necklace? They want you to pay $795 for it, because you think it’s vintage. Chanel is the most counterfeited brand in the entire world, and some of it is very convincing if you don’t know better. This WGACA shit is being sold all over the place for tons of money. It’s just crap.

It annoys me to have my common sense challenged like this. Everybody’s all up in arms over a pricey T-shirt by Balmain, but the assumption that the style-conscious consumer is a stupid idiot is rampant across the board.

I hope those cutoffs don’t sell. I need to think that no one’s that stupid.

When you’re unemployed and have no money, you go out to have lunch in department stores. If you use your charge card, it’s free.  Here I am at Nordstrom on Friday, trying on a pseudo-Chanel jacket by Trina Turk.

Seen up close, it’s really a lovely tweed fabric, with little specks of a million colors, including metallic gold threads. The only thing that stopped me from buying it (remember, it would be FREE if I charged it!) was the inescapable fact that I’d never wear it. I couldn’t even pretend that I’d wear it. Maybe if I bought the free matching skirt, I would wear it, but I never wear skirts.

The jacket is $356.00, but this picture doesn’t do it justice.

There’s nothing like the feeling of virtuousness you get from leaving a department store without buying a single thing. I felt like Mother Theresa. I had a heartwarming exchange with Faith, the Hot Nordstrom Girl. I also bonded briefly with a kooky lady who was interested in my handbag. Here, take a look.

I admired her pig, and told her that I had nearly bought that pig myself. She screamed “Samesies!” in delight. I asked my friend R to document these events because at this point, if you can’t document it, it’s not worth doing.

Since I’m always (i.e., never) asked, “Sister Wolf, you are so radiantly beautiful at your advanced age, what are your beauty secrets?” I will share the basics with you:

1. First, you adopt a cyber-daughter (annemarie) who will send you her red Paul Smith cords.
2. Make sure you NEVER leave home without your red lipstick. Ruby Woo by M.A.C. in this instance.
3. Don’t brush your hair and don’t cut it.
4. Eat plenty of sugar! Ice cream is the most important food group, followed by cookies.
5. Stress is KEY. Try to make sure you’re under constant stress.
6. Avoid exercise as much as possible
7. Finally, sleep deprivation: Stay up until 3 in the morning, just fucking around for no reason.

There you have it! Whatever anyone else tells you to do, DON’T. It’s too much trouble.

While we’re thinking about beauty, check out this project by photographer Zed Nelson, called “Love Me,” to shake up your ideas about the pursuit of attractiveness and its consequences.

Okay, you know the drill.  Here is a chance to buy something from Sister Wolf’s Hoarded Fashion Collection™.

Funds must be raised. So here is a vintage charm necklace by Kenneth Jay Lane, an original from the late 70s and not one of his newer copies of his earlier designs. The chain is 24 inches long and the longest charm is 4 inches long.

It is awesome, as you can see. $120 plus $5 shipping in the US.

Yes, my arms are veiny, eoow, try to focus on the beautiful cuff by Tulla Booth, an artist and photographer who made some jewelry in the 80s. This cuff is gold-dipped and set with real stones. 2 1/2 inches wide and best for a slim wrist. Signed on the inside. $120 plus $5 shipping in the US.

Antique turqoise earrings set in 14k gold. They are really stunning and unusual. I need some fucking money. $70 plus $5 shipping in the US.

This beautiful Chanel handbag is STILL available and is an amazing bargain. Check out prices on eBay or in any magazine. See more photos here. $600 plus $25 shipping (includes insurance.)

Reward yourself or a loved one for Christmas! Contact: sisterwolf666@gmail.com to purchase, via paypal or whatever.

Please don’t leave comments about how you wish you had the money, UNLESS YOU WANT ME TO KILL YOU or UNLESS YOU ARE WENDY B, who is compelled to do anything you forbid her from doing.

xo

Here is the second offering from Sister Wolf’s Hoarded Fashion Collection™.

All proceeds will pay bills and enable the Sister Wolf Boat to stay afloat for the time being. Own a piece from this collection and you will own a piece of Sister Wolf’s tragic history to show off to your children and grandchildren or that bitch in your office.

Chanel earrings, never worn. Four inch dangling strings of pearls, rhinestones and sparkly double C’s with a diamante bow clip. Guaranteed authentic. These are serious earrings: heavy and eye-catching, they say “I have a rich sugar daddy and you don’t!” I planned to wear them in Las Vegas on my birthday but I forgot to bring them.  $250. SOLD

Vintage Native American silver and turquoise cuff, with dangling earrings. 1950s or earlier. This cuff is best for a small wrist but it can be adjusted a bit for size.  $110

Oh dear, how do I explain these skull earrings? My brain saw gold and diamonds and rationalized that it was a must item. 14K yellow gold and diamonds, the little hoops can be worn separately, too.  By Sydney Evans, retail for $725.  $400.

Don’t forget there’s still some Chanel and Vivienne Westwood over here that may be gone by the weekend, so go have another look.

If anything interests you, let me know at sisterwolf666@gmail or at my other email address.

Leave comments at your own risk. I really really don’t want to hear anything that doesn’t sound like “Great, I’ll take it!” Being destitute can make one kind of touchy.

I haven’t been able to work since August, and now there is a pile of unpaid bills. This is not a “boo hoo, poor me” thing, it’s just a fact.  As you know, I was formerly a highly paid tabloid journalist. Now I am screwed.

So! Here is the big push to raise funds.  You can buy a fanatastic piece of Sister Wolf’s Hoarded Fashion Collection™ while at the same time aiding in a humanitarian effort. It’s like painting a chair for the Dying Children, ONLY BETTER.

Above and below is a beautiful Chanel handbag from Neiman Marcus in immaculate condition. Never worn, hoarded for no good reason.

All the usual shit included: bag, box, authenticity papers. Click on the photo to enlarge it.

Below, Chanel laquer bangle with rhinestones. It’s a wavy shape, rather than a plain circle. Perfect for any occasion, bla bla bla.

Next, and this breaks my heart, is a leather purse by the amazing Natalia Brilli. Softest leather with sculptured hand thingy. Big enough for lipstick and a credit card. Wonderful in every way.

If you wear a US 10 or a Euro 40, these Vivienne Westwood boots are both collectible and wearable if you can walk in heels. They have been in their original box under my bed since I bought them from Coggles.com.

Made in Italy, real leather, hidden platform, fierce, to die for, etc etc.

Remember my Vivienne Westwood horns-tiara? Want to own it? Just say the word.

And remember this Sharon Wauchob coat from Sharon Osbourne’s private sale? Size 4, never worn, duh, only hoarded. Heavy black cotton with lots of weird designer details.

Okay, so.  If you’re interested in any of these things from the Sister Wolf’s Hoarded Fashion Collection™ , let me know. The bag = $600,  bangle = $150,  little purse = $125 SOLD,  boots = $450, coat = $80. SOLD

DO NOT LEAVE COMMENTS unless you want me to kill you.  “Nice stuff, I wish I had the money” would just embitter me further about my situation. Contact me at sisterwolf666@gmail.com or via my other email.

* Notice my walker in the first photo? I could have cropped it but no, that’s how awesome I am.

Every blogger wants to have readers. That’s why we’re here. Me, I want to express myself, and I like to get a response. Otherwise, I’d just keep a journal.

It’s good to follow blogging etiquette. But it’s also good to break free and say whatever you want. Lucky for me, I’ve already said I’m a cunt, so I’m already out of that closet, so to speak.

I’m also on record as not liking certain bloggers and types of bloggers. Most people are more circumspect in their opinions. Now, however, I smell trouble and I love it!

Queen Michelle got lots of her readers stirred up when she implied a lack of respect for another blogger called luxirare.  Naughty Queen Michelle! Now people are all huffy, but most don’t want to have to take a stand one way or the other. Even luxirare jumped in and pretended to be hurt!

I CAN’T STAND luxirare and here’s why: She is too pretentious, her grammar is poor, and she features aggressive photos of singularly nauseating food. It doesn’t help that she mentions her mom’s old Chanel stuff. If your mom owned lots of Chanel, she should have taught you some manners, like don’t boast about your privileged background. (I miss my mom and I miss her crappy cheap handbags too.)

Luxirare can live without me being a fan. She’s got a million sycophantic readers going “OMG you are so amaaaaaaaazing!” and the ultimate fashion-girl accolade, “You are seriously killing it.” As far as I’m concerned, luxirare is a moron with a high end camera. Next!

Wait a minute, while I’m at it, I’m not crazy about Sea of Shoes or her vaunted Mom. If you add up what they spend on shoes, you could bail out General Motors and finance a health care program. There are too many $800 shoes going on, and nothing on their minds except for “Look at me! Can you believe me?!”  I don’t see any accomplishment, I just hear cash registers going Ding!

Now what? Do you secretly hate any blogs? Do you secretly hate me? Let’s hear from you.  If you can’t take a stand on something as harmless as blogger aesthetics, what good are you?!

When this skirt suit by Thom Browne sold out at Gilt Group (reduced to $1,288) fashion blogs got all excited.

What’s the surprise all about? The men I know LOVE Thom Browne.

Let’s see, men famous for wearing skirts:  David Bowie, Mick Jagger, David Beckham.  Okay, then! I’d like to see more guys wearing skirts.  They are welcome to my skirts too, since I’m not going to wear them any time soon.

A man wearing a skirt says to me: “I’m confident, I’m rebellious, come and get it!”

There are far worse things for men to wear,  starting with baseball hats or Metallica T-shirts. What other fashion advice do you have for men, anyone out there?

~

In other news, Rachel Bilson (whoever she is) was robbed, and They took all her Chanel! Boo hoo!  This is a travesty, you just don’t do it, you don’t take someone’s Chanel.  Rachel, my heart goes out to you!  How about buying some Chanel crap from me?

$120 each piece, plus US  shipping, Rachel, and guaranteed authentic.  Hurry up, before They come for my Chanel, too.

And more, in Shop My Closet! (right-hand column, under ‘About’)

The Cunty Tote, just what we’ve been waiting for, now available from Patricia Field.

What an unusual, ahem, online site it is!  I can’t tell if it’s trying to make me sick or what. However, I actually want these sequin shorts, just because Chanel made some, remember? Thank god they’re out of stock.

A friend sent me to this story about Max Mosley, head of Formula One racing and the FIA, who was caught having a five-hour tryst with a bunch of hookers who helped him to play out his Nazi fantasies. The writing in this piece is particularly funny. Achtung! Go there now.

A few days ago, I was upset to learn that the fashion line Hugo Boss had designed and manufactured Nazi Uniforms during WWII. Just when I had become a fan of Hugo Boss! Shit. I went into a Hugo Boss store in San Francisco and loved the classic but feminine suits and dresses. Never mind, I’ll get over it, there must be tons of designers out there who weren’t Nazi collaborators.

And speaking of Nazi collaborators, since Coco Chanel was a big ass-kisser to Hitler and a Nazi enthusiast in general, I’m going to stop coveting Chanel. Chanel has only brought me misery, nearly getting me kicked off eBay for trying to sell genuine Chanel jewelry, and then foisting upon me a $1,400 handbag that had to be repaired every six months. Look, here it is!