Godammit, I’m Mad!

What a relief to find some fur on the runway that I don’t want. These two numbers by Givenchy are repulsive, aren’t they? I’m sure Madonna will show up in one, so I’m already bracing myself. The one on the left looks like the model fought with a gorilla and won. The one on the right looks like the gorilla ate the model but is using her head as a decoy.

It makes me especially sad to look at these “dresses” because of the new study suggesting that chimps can make plans for the future and thus have an autonoetic consciousness. The chimp in question was seen hoarding stones to throw at visitors outside his cage at a zoo in Sweden. He collected the stones when he was calm, anticipating that he’d be pissed off when the zoo opened the next day.

That chimp is alot smarter than I am. For example, I ate three bags of peanut M&M’s last night, unable to predict that I’d feel fat in the morning. God I am stupid. I don’t even deserve to be in a zoo.

Getting back to fashion, I am pleased to see that gladiator sandals are back with a vengeance. This means that the hideous gladiator spats I bought last year will be right on-trend, even though I plan to continue to not wear them.

I’ll bet that chimp would have known not to buy these. I am more and more impressed by him!

Whenever chimps go on a rampage, nobody wins. Poor Travis the Chimp was shot to death by a policeman after attacking a friend of his lifelong owner. But that’s not the whole story.

Earlier in the day, Travis annoyed his owner by grabbing her car-keys and trying to drive her car. She tried sedating him with Xanax but he wouldn’t calm down. She called a friend to come over and help. When the friend arrived, Travis went nuts, biting her in the face and hands. The owner was so distressed that she stabbed Travis with a kitchen knife, but that didn’t stop him, so she called 911.

When the cop arrived, Travis went out to the police car and tried to open the door. He loved policemen, apparently. The cop shot Travis several times. Travis fled and managed to retreat to his cage, where he died.

I don’t know who is to blame for any of this shit, but it wasn’t Travis.